Hinten Links.Die Ecke meiner Gedanken.

About us

Sometimes I think about how we will end someday.
- What will be the reason for it ?
Probably the reason will be me.
My fears, my wishes to be free or something like that.
These are already problems between us today.
You just want to spend some time with me,
to show me how important I am for you ,
to laugh about the same things,
to realise that we're together now.
I really love the idea 'bout spending time with you   and all the other stuff,
but at the same time I miss the days where we weren't together yet.
And you know... one part of me, hates me for these thoughts.
But the bittersweet truth is,
that I can't fight against them.
It is how it is:
I am a person who need some latitudes.
It was already like this when I was younger
and it will always be like this when I'm older.
When I look at my smartphone after training
and see that you phoned me for three times,
my mood sinks through the floor.
I don't know why, but it gives me the feeling that I can't do
what I want and how long I want
without justifying it.
I can tell you right know:
I don't like that - although I know that you just want my best .
You always wanted.
Another problem is my reaction when I read some of your messages.
You write the sweetest, kindest things that I have ever read
and every other girl would be jailous if she'd know the things you say to me.
But if you write these things...
At first, I don't really  realise that I am the girl you're talking about.
I read it,
like I read situations in books.
In love with the words but knowing that these things aren't said to me.
Another important point is,
that my mood sinks again when I read your sentences.
I think you should just say these things to me,
when I'm sitting next to you.
Don't shake your head.
I know you can do it 'cause you did it before.
My dear, there are so many other things
and I won't tell them all.
I know you want to know them, althoug it probably hurts you.
We're so different.
And at the same time so incridible similar.
Sometimes I think about how we will end someday,
but baby, please , for this moment
- let us just live in presence.
'cause when I think about the day,
when there isn't any "us" anymore,
I notice that it could come so fast.
Moreover... I love to be with you.
I didn't want to tell you with this text that I am waiting for the day
where this will end.
Even if I am the one who will be the reason for our end,I will miss you.
I will miss your smile that can make my heart melt away.
I will miss the feeling when I am standing next to you and
you are covering me from the sun because of your height.
I will miss to stroke through you're hair.
Your hair feels so good.
Maybe this sounds strange but I don't really care about what people think
when I'm telling the truth.
I will miss how you laid down your head beside my knees,
when we're looking a film once.
I think at this point you were too shy for more.
But I love the memory, it meant much to me.
I will miss how you bed me to say anything,
no matter what.
You said you would like my voice, that it would soothe you.
That you could unending listening to me.
I will miss how you took the chessboard out of my hand as I was riding my bike.
The proof that you absolutely are a gentleman.
I will miss how you talked about Music.
I will miss, how you asked if we could met at the cinema.
I will miss when you say things to me that make my cheeks getting red.
You're always kind to me.
Always.
You never say something nasty whitout joking.
Oh godness... there are so many things I would miss.
Sometimes I think about how we will end someday.
But it's not better than now.
So please,
let us just live in presence.

Nachtrag: Der obere Teil des Textes ist bereits nicht mehr Aktuell.
Ich lasse ihn nur deshalb so wie er ist weil es sich irgendwie falsch anfühlt den Text nur deshalb aus diesem Buch zu nehmen.
Schließlich war dieser Text Mal genauso ein Teil von mir wie es die anderen immer noch sind.