Pensieve - Wolfstar Fanfiction

3

"Sirius!"
Remus said, the concern was so powerful you could hear it in his voice. He took two fast steps from the bench, and wrapped his long arms around the shorter boy's waist without giving the action itself much thought. Sirius' heart missed a beat and his stomach went on knots, he hugged the taller boy back.
"Hi."
He tried to sound as casual aspossible, feeling his fathers eyes burn on his back.

They stood there on each others arms, perhaps a little too long, and they felt safe. First time in three months, they felt like home.

The train would leave in two minutes, Peter grabbed his lunch box and trunk, Remus took his and helped Sirius with the heavy ones he had been forced to carry all alone trough the city. They glanced around the platform for one last time before walking trough the pilar, popping righ next to Hogwarts Express and all of the noisy kids and their parents. James wasn't there neither, so they started to walk towards the train entrance. But just before they stood in, a voice came from behind them.
"Wait! I'm shocked you didn't wait for me!!"
James had that stupid shit eating smirk on, he wrapped his left arm around Sirius' neck. And the shit eating smirk turned into a shocked frown as he saw the bruises.
"James!! James Potter, what the fuck is this!? The train leaves in a minute! In literally one minute!"
Peter yelled, not very loud as his mouth was full of gummy slugs.
"Did you see her? Did you see Lily? She's even more gorgeous than I remembered!"
James started to babble about Lily, the thing he knew the best to talk about, to change the subject and his own focus from both his best friends fucked up face, and him being late.

They climbed to the train, and it started to move the second James stood his foot on it. Peter was about to fall off, but managed to grab the rim of Remus' jumper. The tall, skinny boy almost fell too as Peter was quite heavy, but kept his balance barely. Sirius, who'd normally be laughing his ass off with James, just kept walking trough the narrow aisle towards a possibly empty compartment where he'd be able to drift into a restless sleep. The three boys followed, James trying to joke around like usually but the state of his best friend's mind corrupted the ambiance. They were worried, all of them, and scared because whatever kind of fucked up shit it was that went down in Grimmauld Place, it had completely broken Sirius. He was strong, so fucking strong, but the words and fists of his father were stronger.

...

"Aaaanything from the trolley?!"
The familiar, little bit annoying screech of the Trolley Witch echoed trough the train, lighting up a weird kind of flame in Peter's eyes. The boy started to look for coins with a rush, furiously going trough his pockets in hopes of finding enough money to buy a bunch of pumpkin pasties. James looked yet again very amused, Remus stared out of the window, secretly looking at Sirius' reflection trough it.

It was scary to see someone as strong and beautiful as Sirius Black so broken and hurt. The boy had tried to hide the bruises with his long hair, but as they covered his entire face, it was quite impossible to see anything with that amount of dark brown curls in front of his eyes.

"Sirius..."
Remus started, but as the shorter boy's grey, glazed eyes fixated on him, he suddenly forgot what he had wanted to say.
"I..."
He slurred, noticing how James too was now looking at him.
"I missed you. It's good to have you back."
He finally said, though all of them knew it wasn't really what he had wanted to say.
"I... I missed you too."
Sirius muttered a little awkwardly. Deep inside his heart, Sirius felt a little warmer by those words. Even though they were said to hide the true question. The one he had been afraid to answer for weeks now. "What happened". Because what was he supposed to tell them? That he fell down a flight of stairs, or a drunken muggle beat him up in the streets for no specific reason? He hated lying. Well, he hated lying to the ones he cared for. It was a whole different story, how he made up a whole poisonous spiral of lies for McGonagall after blowig up the Slytherin common room with fireworks, or for his father about befriending three gryffindors of whom two were half bloods. He was good at telling lies, but he didn't want to use that skill on his best friends.
Then again, if he was to tell the truth about Orion beating him up multiple times during the past few weeks, what would he say when they asked why?

Sirius knew his friends weren't homophobic, but the world around them was. Gladly, it wasn't counted as a disease any longer, but it wasn't very acceptable to be attracted to a person of the same gender. Remus was beautiful, he was attractive and just simply fucking gorgeous and it hurt that he'd never love Sirius back that way.

...

Remus wanted to know what had happened, but at the same time he was petrified of fear. Scared to hear it because he knew it was bad, and he already knew it had been Orion. Sirius had always been afraid to go home for summer, afraid of his father. Remus wanted to ask, but he also knew that Sirius wouldn't want to talk about it, and that would lead to them both feeling even worse.

Remus had loved the long haired boy from the bottom of his heart since their first year, but now something was different. He didn't know what or why, but there was more affection, more desire than there had been before. The brotherly kind of love had turned to something a lot like a crush, though Remus was too busy worrying that he didn't even notice it himself.