Pensieve - Wolfstar Fanfiction

19

"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
They were both calm. Numb. The sky was black, the snow looked dark gray from the Gryffindor dorm window. Remus brushed Sirius' dark hair from over his face gently. His heartbeat was jumpy, loud in his ears.
"We don't have to-"
"Just shut up."
Sirius groaned. He was not himself, pressing his lips against Remus' aggressively. Hungrily. He needed to feel something else than the pain for even a couple of minutes.
The room was dark, only the cold blue light of the soon full moon shone trough the enormous windows as the two boys laid on the bed on top of each other. It was so quiet, but so loud inside of their heads. They both needed to shut the voices up, Sirius even more than Remus. And this was probably the wrong way to do so.

Sirius was still a virgin. Hell, a sixteen year old maybe should be? And Remus, though he hated to admit it, had a thing with a muggle girl the past summer. He never told Sirius about it.
It was definitely the wrong time to be fucking. The worst possible time for the both of them. But the Christmas break was coming, what meant pain and suffering for Sirius, and the full moon was only two days away. Both of the boys were on edge.
Neither of them really, like really wanted to do it at that very moment. The first time should be special, Sirius had thought. But the definition of special was hazy, and both of them needed distraction. So why not.

Remus' breathing was loud against Sirius' ear. He pressed his lips against the taller boy's neck softly. It was so quiet, like they were the only people in the entire castle. Or in all Scotland. All England, even. The only people in the whole world.
"Take off your shirt."
Remus, for a surprise, commanded. The boy was so polite, so calm and charming... it was almost unbelievable to hear those words from his mouth. And Sirius couldn't do anything but obey, throwing his white t-shirt to the corner of the room. Remus took his own shirt off too, the air was cold in the tower. He pushed Sirius on his back on the sheets, kissing the boy's chest, feeling the tears burn in his eyes. And he could hear Sirius' heartbeat, how it hit rabidly inside of the boy's chest. He could hear his own heartbeat too, uneven and jumpy. Scared, like of a rabbit running from a wolf.
It was just that he was the wolf, and he had no idea what he was afraid of.
"Rem... you're crying-"
Sirius' voice, first time in a long time, had emotion in it. Worry. It was soft but hoarse.
"It's nothing, don't mind me."
The tall boy muttered, starting to loosen his belt with shaky hands. But Sirius took those cold, tall fingers into his own, gray eyes looking for Remus' golden brown ones.
"Stop. Remus, stop."
He whispered, the boy broke into a loud cry.
"Sshh... it's all right..."
Sirius pulled him close, their half naked and cold bodies resting against each other. Creating a little hint of warmth into the freezing mid December night.
"Don't ever leave me... promise you won't..."
Remus sobbed gently. His tears were warm as they fell on Sirius' naked shoulder, but turned cold as they rolled down the curve of his shoulder blade.
"I promise."
That was the first, the only lie Sirius would ever tell Remus.
"I promise."