Pensieve - Wolfstar Fanfiction

18

The first snow covered the ground, the dead leaves and rotten grass in mid November. But even though it was now freezing cold, the Black Lake never started to ice over. It was still the same, wavy and dark in the start of December.
Remus felt horrible, all the time. Head aching, back in pain. But it was mostly emotional. He was worried.
Sirius, he was soon impossible to reach. The past three months, the two boys had grown close. They were in love, always together. They had used to talk about their demons. But now, Sirius hid from Remus' presence.
He spent his days on the beach, staring into the black water as the sun started to set. It was cold as he blew the gray cigarette smoke out of his mouth, his chapped and dry lips had started to forget how it felt to kiss the boy he loved. His heart had started to forget it too, as all he could feel was the pain of every heartbeat. Every breath he took was heavy, like he had swallowed a stone. It pulled him down, his body and his mind. And he was so tired.

"Remus?"
Peter walked in the dorm room on the worst possible moment. The tall boy was silently sobbing, hugging his knees on his bed. The whole room reaked of worry. And of alcohol.
"I-I'm sorry I'll come back later..."
The chubby boy paniced and took a quick step back.
"Stay."
Remus murmured with a tired, gentle voice. Peter turned back, looking at his friend with compassion. He was glad Remus felt comfortable enough with him to let him stay.
"Is it about Sirius again? You can tell me..."
Peter asked as he sat on the edge of his own bed that was right next to Remus'.
"Yeah... I'm afraid he'll... I don't know. I'm sure it's stupid, I just have this terrible feeling that he'll hurt himself."
The boy said as he dried his tears to the sleeve of his jumper. Peter was quiet.
"That feeling just haunts me. All the time. And he has stopped eating... he never even shows up at lunch anymore. Or dinner, or breakfast... I'm just so fucking worried."
Remus' eyes were glazed, now staring at the back wall as he spoke.
"I'm sure he'll start feeling better soon. He just needs to remember that we're all here for him. And that we care..."
Peter said silently, though he wasn't so sure that his words were true. Things like this had never been ones he could handle very well, he had no experience on depression or any topic as such. But he knew that giving Remus hope of a brighter future, even if it was false, could ease his pain. Temporarily, at least. And it was better than noting.
"Yeah. I hope so."
Remus took a deep and shaky breath, blinking rabidly to stop himself from crying more.
"Thanks. For being there."
He added, actually looking at Pete for the first time all day. The short boy smiled a little.
"Of course."

They both hoped, they hoped with all their hearts that Sirius would start feeling better. James couldn't sleep at night as he was so frightened of losing every last bit that was left of his best friend. Those bits and parts, ones that made Sirius Black the boy they all knew, had all started to fade. The jokes, the pranks, the inappropriate winks and smirks, they were all gone. And had been all autumn. And the hope of restoring those things, the hope of healing had started to fade too as the time flew by.

Sirius stared at his reflection on the dead calm surface. His gray eyes looked empty. His face was too pale. His breathing was too heavy.
It wasn't the real him, staring back at him from the water.