Pensieve - Wolfstar Fanfiction

17

The worst part, perhaps, was that Sirius couldn't cry. There was no way he could let the pain out. That night, after talking to McGonagall, he laid on his bed silently for hours. Just staring at the dorm room wall, gray eyes still. He felt cold.
"Hey Pads..."
James' soft voice spoke from the door as the sky had turned dark. He was holding a paper bag, and the sad boy could smell it's contents. It was Euphemia's plum pie, what Sirius loved more than life itself. Well, at least he had used to.
"Mum owled these... you want some?"
James' voice was warm and stable. Worried.
"I'm not hungry."
Sirius just whispered, focusing his eyes back to the wall. James felt desperate. He walked next to his best friend's bed and sat down on the edge.
"Remember on first year when we tried to figure out where moony went once a month? Remember how we were scared that someone was hurting him?"
He started to speak, looking at Sirius' eyes that wouldn't look back into his.
"You were so determined to help him, you know. Even more than me and Pete. And then we found that third year Defense Against the Dark Arts book from the common room, left there by Sturgis Podmore. It just all clicked into place. But we swore to Remus that we'd stay by his side no matter what. Because that's what friends do."
Sirius finally looked at James. The lively but cold sea had started to fade from his eyes.
"And I promise to you now, I solemnly fucking swear that I'll be here for you too. Forever and always. You are my brother, and the metaphorical color of your blood does't change that."
A little warm tear rolled on Sirius' cheek, but he staid quiet. James smiled faintly.
"And I support you, the thing that's going on in between you and Rem. I think it's wonderful."
He continued softly. Another tear fell down on Sirius' face.
"And I won't push you to tell me what's going on at home... but I want you to know that you can."
And at that point, Sirius broke into a sob. James laid his warm hand on his best friend's shoulder as his entire body started to shake. Te tears that had been bottling up for months, suddenly they were flowing down like rivers. Usually crying helps, it kind of purifies the soul. But the pain just kept growing inside of that dark haired boy, like a hungry mouth it ate him away. And he got up to sit as he cried, just to wrap his arms around James' quite skinny but somewhat muscular body. And there they sat, together like the brothers they were. Without comfort, without hope. The fear in James' heart was growing by the minute. He could sense the bad things, faintly somewhere in the horizon. Getting closer day by day.
And Sirius was getting weaker. Of the fighting, of the worry over Remus. Of the pressure on him, anxiety about his friends being worried. There was no comfort in Euphemia's plum pie or James' warm arms. Not in Remus' kiss that tasted like worry and pain. Not in the jet black surface of the black lake that he saw every time he looked out of the dorm room window.