Pensieve - Wolfstar Fanfiction

39

It was a beautiful day. It was snowing.
The graveyard had a surreal feeling of sorrow and odd kind of dark beauty. The air was crisp, in a way salty. Maybe the salt came from Remus' tears, the ones he couldn't even produce at first. The aching, ice cold, crippling pain filled his entire body and mind as he stood there, in that jet black suit. His legs looked unnaturally tall, eyes red and empty. He hadn't said a word, not a single word since it happened. He hadn't slept or eaten, just sat on his bed and stared at a wall.
Lily was there to support Remus. She hugged him long as she arrived, crying already. She had never known Sirius that well, and she found herself regretting that as she had now arrived to his funerals.
"I'm so sorry..."
She whispered, hands wrapped around Remus' tall and cold body. Still, he said nothing.

James was late. He was always late. And he arrived at the same time with the hearse, Fleamont and Euphemia with thim. His hands were shaking as he carried the yellow roses.

Orion, Regulus, Cygnus and Arcturus III, all the noble enough Blacks were carrying the cascet.
It was sickening.
Orion drove his son to suicide, and now he pretended like he was sad. When in reality, he was most likely celebrating the death of his greatest disappointment with firewhisky and great feasts, dancing and laughing at 12 Grimmauld place every night.
Walburga at least looked a bit sad. She looked guilty. And she was.
A horrible mother, a sadistic fucking monster.
And not guilty enough.

Lily had to hold Remus back from attacking Orion as they walked past him. The man looked at him murderously, eyes glimmering with the kind of mad amusement Remus felt like his entire body was ripping in half.
How dares he, disrespect his own son in his funeral?

Remus, Lily, James and Peter stood right there in front of the fresh grave as the men of Black lowered the dark cascet down. It's black and smooth surface was glistening in the winter sunlight.
Regulus was the only one of the four men to cry. His moves were soft, gentle and respecting, what seemingly made Orion furious. But they were quiet, all of them.

Orion hadn't allowed Sirius' friends to attend the funeral. But they did anyway, and he didn't have the guts to banish them from the Black family cemetery as the journalists were watching from behind the high fences.
It was quite a lot bigger of a deal than many thought, as Sirius was the eldest son of Orion Black, one of the most powerful wizards from one of the most powerful and respected wizardring families.
There were people from the Daily Prophet, standing in the snow with their quills. Wishing to find out why all of this had happened. It'd be some juicy news, to find out why had Orion Black's eldest suddenly killed himself. And honestly, the truth would have very much pleased the press. Remus felt tempted to reveal it, the entire ugly truth. It would destroy Orion and the entire house of Black would burn.
He could turn in the memory bottles that Sirius had left him.
Everyone would know the horrible, sick, violent, abusive, perverted truth.

But he did nothing.

He just stood there. Eyes fixated on the coffin as it finally hit the cold dirt.

Orion returned to Walburga's side, and Cygnus walked to the back row with Alphard, as they seemingly didn't care all that much.
Regulus found himself frozen next to the grave. His eyes were full of warm tears that made his sight blurry.
"You stupid fucking idiot..."
He cried silently.
"Regulus."
His mother said gently, feeling like Regulus crying would somehow embarass her. She tried to call him off from the grave, but the fourteen year old didn't move a muscle.
"You promised. You promised to stay and help me... you fucking asshole!"
He almost yelled the last sentence. This time Walburga actually moved to grab his son's wrist with her tall, skeleton like fingers. She violently yanked the boy towards the others, but Regulus pulled himself away from the woman.
He fell on his knees, heavily sobbing.

It was true, Sirius did promise. A long long time ago, when the both of them felt scared and helpless. A bit over five years ago, to be exact. When the abuse started to get out of hand.
Sirius had sat on the side of his crying little brother's bed after Orion had been yelling. He had sat down with such bravery, face covered in those fresh bruises yet again. And he had smiled.
"Don't be scared, Reg."
He had said, voice soft but full of confidence.
"You won't ever have to face him alone. I promise."

Regulus' dress pants had wet stains on his knees as he finally got up to stand. Walburga looked yet again terrifying as she grabbed her son and pulled him to the row of seats. Her long, claw-like fingernails pressed against his skin with such violence, it must have left a neat line of little bruises.

When the ceremony was over, and the graveyard started to get empty of the Black family members who didn't really seem to care, James knelt down next to his best friend's fresh grave. His tan face was red and eyes puffy of crying. He set the bunch of yellow roses on the bump of dirt next to the dozens of deep red ones. The colors didn't match at all, but James didn't care.
Because Sirius really liked soft yellow. It reminded him of the gentle reflection on the Black Lake when the sun was rising. They would watch it together, the sunrise, after a long night of messing around and inventing new ways to prank Slytherins.
It had all seemed so important back then. Pranks and jokes.
And now James felt like he would never smile again in his life.

Lily was there, standing behind James' back for a while before he noticed. Looking at the deep black gravestone that read

Sirius Orion Black
3 November, 1959
-
4 January, 1977

She felt hopeless. Almost like part of James' pain ran trough her veins. Suddenly feeling sorry about always being so rude to the boy.
And as she took a few steps closer to the crying teenager and the fresh grave in the gentle snowfall, as James looked at her with pearls of salty tears glimmering in the corners of his hazel eyes, something shifted in her heart.

And without a word, she knelt down by James' side, linking her trembling cold fingers with his.

It was so silent.

In the other side of the cemetery, Remus stared blanlkly at the gray sky. Peter next to him, they were both out of words. The tall boy wanted nothing more than to just stop excisting. For everything around him to just stop. Every single thing, because it all hurt too fucking much.

He said nothing to Peter, as he started to walk away trough the cemetery gates.
He just disappeared into the snowy London streets.