Pensieve - Wolfstar Fanfiction

36

Late that night, Sirius laid in his bed. Unable to sleep, even though he shared the tiny space with Remus whose tall legs were tangled with his own. Usually the sound of the taller boy's breathing calmed him down, worked like a lullaby that'd softly help him drift to sleep. But that night was different.
The sky outside of the dorm room window was black yet again. That color seemed to haunt Sirius, it was associated with everything he was supposed to be; it was literally his surname. Remus' warm hand was wrapped around his chest so he couldn't really move, but from where he was laying, the view to the half frozen black lake was perfect.
He could see the quay, the soft waves of the ice cold water. His mind was blank as he stared at it, the perfect darkness. It was calling for him trough the frosty glass of the window.

"You okay, Pads?"
James' voice was mom-like again, filled with true worry.
"Yeah. A little headache, that's all."
Sirius was sick of lying. Yet he did it all the same.
"Are you sure you don't need to see Madam Pomfrey? You look kind of pale..."
"I'm fine."
And with that and a long look of disbelief, James left the dorm to breakfast with Peter in his trail. Remus was left on the unmade bed, running his tall fingers trough his wavy golden hair and yawning.
"You need to eat something."
He muttered, voice tired as he looked at the skeleton-like face of his boyfriend.
"Merlin, Rem, cut it out!"
Sirius muttered, rubbing his eyes. He hadn't slept all night, it had become a norm for him lately. No sleep and no food, he just couldn't bare either one.
"Listen, I have this terrible feeling..."
Remus started, trying to catch an eye contact with his boyfriend who was barely able to even stand on his own feet.
"I'M FINE."
The exhausted boy just barked, a piercing sting traveling trough his body. Every lie was like poison for his soul, slowly ruining him.
"Just... stay in here today, okay. Get some rest."
Suddenly his tone turned soft, a sudden rush of quilt filling him up so fast he wanted to scream. Remus' eyes were so scared as he tried to find something from the gray of Sirius' eyes. The sea. It was no longer there.
"I'll come by on lunch break. Bring you something to eat. Get some sleep, okay, I'll tell McGonagall you are feeling sick today."
Remus got up to stand, hair still messy, red and yellow tie all over the place.
"Okay."
Sirius muttered sinently as Remus started to walk away. This was it, he thought. His final oppotunity to say it out loud.
"Rem, wait..."
Suddenly the air felt heavier than ever before, Sirius' eyes meeting with Remus' brown ones. They didn't have the shade of gold or honey in them that morning. More like rusted bronze, full of emotions he couldn't quite understand. Fear, pain, even quilt. Mostly worry.

"I love you."

That was it. A rock rolled away from upon Sirius' heart, but within a split second it got replaced a new one. But this weight wasn't of a rock, more like of a whole mountain.

"What did that come from..?"
Remus chucled, small smile on his lips. Hearing that had seemingly made him feel a lot better.

"I love you too."

He said, but without doing anything more, like kissing, the tall boy was already gone. Out of the dorm room, leaving Sirius alone in the middle of that damned room, heart aching like never before.
It had sounded like such a good idea inside of his head, saying those three words out loud before being gone. Now that he had done it, the pain was crippling. And again, a part of him wished for it all to stop. And it would.

Soon.