Blind To Your Love

It Felt Strange

Clover🍀

I remember that the sky is blue. I remember what trees and grass look like, but it's nothing compared to actually seeing it again.

My desperation for seeing the world again is unexplainable. When people say the phrase,

"Are you blind or something? Look!"

They don't know what they're saying. They just don't realize. But, I understand it, it's not like I hate them. They can see, and that's why they don't mind it. But, for somebody like me, that phrase causes me nothing but a reminder, which brings me pain.

Nobody really knows how it happened. I know it had something to do with my grandmother, but there was no explanation to what triggered it, I had perfectly healthy vision before that morning. It was just a regular day.

I don't remember much about it. I know that I went to sleep, and the next day, I woke up and I couldn't open my eyes. They were, as if glued shut. My parents didn't think anything of it. They washed it off and I felt them separate my eyelids, but, I couldn't see it. I told them that they were still closed, that I still couldn't see, but they said that they were open. My mother's voice started to come out in parts, and nervously, "Clover, you...... Clover tell me if....... Tell me if you can see my fingers...."

I couldn't, "No, I can't see them, everything is black." I was confused.

"John! What happened to her?" She started to sob.

"What? What's going on?"

"She can't see. She got the genes!..... My baby." She held my face. "Baby, it'll be okay. You need to be strong."

"Strong for what?" I said still wondering why my mother was crying, why she said those words. "Why can't I see?"

My dad carried me and put me on what I figured was his shoulder. I grabbed onto him, because a I didn't have my balance with me. "Clover, you know grandma, and how she can't see. Right?"

I nodded. "Well, it seems, you might be like grandma." His voice choked.

"So, I won't be able to see?"

"No sweetie, you can't, but it's okay, you can learn to know how to walk like this, and how to know what's what." He created harmony with my sobbing mother.

I stood there, confused. What did they mean when they said, I wouldn't be able to see? I was supposed to see. I needed to see.
But, I took it, as a game.

I liked walking around without seeing. I thought it was fun. That was for the first few months. After that, after I still hadn't gotten the hang of it, it became frustrating. It felt so strange, strange to know that everything was right in front of me, but I couldn't reach it. I cried at times because I couldn't do some things. I missed going to the movie theatre and seeing the movie. I didn't know how to color without seeing.

The day my parents asked me to go to school, I froze. I don't know if I was happy or sad, but I just didn't move. "Clover, we need to ask you something," my mom began.

"Yes? Is it about homeschool? Have I missed any assignments?"

I was 14 then. I was a nice teenager, mostly because I had no bad influences. I hadn't had a prom, but that was okay, I didn't want one. I wasn't interested in dating, it surprised me how many girls in books were. They always fell for the handsome, cute boys, I didn't know what those looked like, but I had a little idea that I hoped was somewhat right.

"We think it's time for you to make friends," my dad continued.

"But, I'm fine. Besides, how could I make friends? I could never spend enough time with someone to be their friend," I tried to make up an excuse.

My mom gave me a rub on my shoulder and then slowly uttered the words, "How about we try, school?"

My mind turned blank, I didn't dare breath, and I felt my hands begin shaking, and getting sweaty. "Are you sure? I don't think that's necessarily, the best idea. Maybe I could just go to the park? It's better." My mind began functioning, trying to come up with thousands of valid excuses to give.

My mother put on a sympathetic look, "It isn't just that, honey. I am going to start working soon, and I will not be able to homeschool you. I'm sorry, but I just think it's time for you to interact with other kids your age. Besides, I didn't take a teacher course. I can't keep up with high school work anymore. It's just, too much for me."

I couldn't think of an excuse for that one. She was right, the material was getting harder, and she wasn't a teacher.

I couldn't ask this of her. It would be selfish. "What school would I be going to?"

"It's a local school, just two blocks from here, and it's public. You're going to be attending Fireals, home of the bulls."

"Home of the bulls? You mean there is a risk I will be attacked by bulls there? Maybe we could try another one."

"No, no, no. Home of the bulls, means that their mascot is a bull, so the kids, in metaphor, are bulls. Get it?"

"Yes, but it seems a bit strange. Is this school big? How many kids will be there?"

"This isn't very important right now, but we can assure you, you'll be fine."

That was the end of that. I wondered what it would look like. Maybe it was just in the moment, but it didn't really sound so bad. They made it sound okay.

I would learn way more than I do now. I could interact with people more often, and maybe have friends.  I want to know what a relationship sounds like. I'm sure somebody will be in one, so I can hear.

My mom needed a break and I don't think it would be a pain, it might be a really good thing.

"Mom, Dad, it's okay. I'll be fine at school. I want to try. You guys are right."