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Chapter Forty Two - Thoughts Of Doubt

The Dwarves were up at dawn, heading to the armory to prepare for battle. Maura instantly went to the healing chambers to be alone, before the company was even awake. She couldn't even think of looking Thorin in the eyes if she were to run into him. The healer had found a dusty old mirror and removed her hair away from both sides of her neck and saw the bruising already forming and she instantly covered it back up so the others wouldn't see it.

Maura sat at the table, staring at the cracks in the wood. She was beginning to wish they had never opened the door. That Erebor wasn't reclaimed. If this was the outcome for everything they had been through to get here. The healer squeezed her eyes shut as she let out a shuddered breath. Maura never imagined she would ever let this thought enter her mind, but it did. After what he did to her, what he was still doing. He was beyond reason. And now he might have just started a war with these Lakemen, who had an army of Elves at their disposal. She wished her and Thorin had never met. That the Wizard had never showed up on Bilbo's doorstep with this quest to help a company of Dwarves. But then again, the Hobbit had declined the request the first time, but she pushed him into seeing what a great opportunity it was to help others who needed it. The healer knew well enough, the Thorin she knew would have never done these terrible things; especially the things he had done to her. Which had her wondering what Thorin she was speaking to when he had confessed what he felt for her. Was it the Dwarf she knew and fell in-love with or was it the sickness just toying with her already fragile heart?

The healer hadn't even felt the stream of tears coming down both her cheeks. Despite everything, she missed her Dwarf dearly. How he held her close to him, feeling safe in his arms. Seeing that brooding face of his reveal that handsome smile he refused to show more often. The way his eyes looked at her with such protectiveness. But he allowed himself to be blinded by his greed and madness. Destroying everything good about him.

The woman was so deep in her own thoughts that she hadn't heard anyone opening the door of the healing chambers and walked in. "Aunt Maura?"

The woman muffled the sniffles that had escaped and looked up to see Bilbo and gave him a small smile. "Bilbo what are you doing over here?" She asked, noticing that he appeared a bit different. Underneath his coat he appeared to be wearing some sort of metal shirt. Was Thorin expecting Bilbo to join in the war, if it came down to it?

"I came looking for you. You weren't in the great hall this morning when we woke up." The healer could hear the deep concern in the Hobbit's words and wasn't even sure what to say to him.

"Umm, I just needed to be..alone." Maura mumbled. Bilbo caught the hesitation in her voice and he was beginning to think it had something to with the redness, surrounding her eyes and the purplish coloring that had appeared around her throat and the healer noticed the Hobbit had seen it. Maura instantly re-positioned her hair to hide it better.

"Did he hurt you?" The woman didn't respond and she couldn't even prevent the tears from coming out." Maura? Did Thorin do this to you?"

"H-he, didn't mean to do it. I should have listened to Balin. He told me not to push Thorin when he's like this, and I didn't listen. I just couldn't watch him turn into this person. This isn't him."

"Aunt Maura, you should leave this mountain now. Your not safe here."

"You think I should leave, when my friends and you could possibly die?" She questioned.

"Were out numbered. Those fishermen have an army of Elves to back them up. Theirs only 15 of us." Bilbo pressed. " And Thorin has already hurt you once. What if he does something even worse."

"Bilbo...I'm staying. I can't abandon Thorin, not now. I know what he did to me, it terrified me....it still does. But he's going to need me more then ever, even if he can't see it right now. And I'm not going to abandon our friends or leave you here alone for that matter. It doesn't matter if I die, as long as I know your safe."

The Hobbit had been silent for the longest time, sitting beside his aunt. A plan had been forming in his mind. All Thorin wanted was the stone, more then anything. He was starting to think about giving the stone to Bard and he could give it back to the King, in exchange for what they were owed. It seemed to be the only best option there would be no need for war between Dwarves, Men and Elves. But would Thorin really buy back what was rightfully his? Bilbo knew he had to at least try.

Bilbo got up abruptly from the table and Maura narrowed her eyes in confusion.

"Bilbo, where are you going?"

"I have something I need to take care of."

"Bilbo, what are you going to do?" Maura asked hesitantly. She knew what the King was capable of when someone questioned or did something against his orders and she was worried the Hobbit was going to do something that could get him hurt or worse.

"It's safer if you don't know, Maura. If things go wrong, I don't want Thorin to have a reason to hurt you." The Hobbit told her. Maura shook her head. She didn't like the sound of this at all.

"No. Bilbo, what ever you're thinking of doing. Please don't do it. I couldn't bare if Thorin hurt you. Promise me, you won't leave this mountain tonight."

"Maura it's our one and only chance for Thorin to return back to himself. I have to do this." Maura pulled the Hobbit into her arms, holding him close.

"Promise me, you'll be safe." She whispered. "Promise me." The healer repeated.

"I promise. I'll see you in the morning Maura. Everything will work out fine in the end. You'll see."

Bilbo left the healing chambers. Maura glanced out the wide window in the chambers. It was dark out and she could see from the light of the moon that it was snowing. The healer swallowed the pit inside her, hoping the Hobbit knew what he was doing and that Thorin would come back to her, before everything was lost for good.