Diary Entry - Eundeok Married Life (Baekhera) [COMPLETED]

Proposal

Soondeok's diary

Can you believe it? Tomorrow is our 2nd anniversary!! Wow! I cannot believe it's been two years already! I remember two years ago I was still yearning for the next day to come, I don't remember sleeping much the night before our wedding, too nervous I suppose. Did the prince sleep well then night before our wedding? I wonder. Probably not, he hated the idea of marrying me back then, he literally did it only because his father threatened to execute him if he does not. Anyway, I'm just so happy to celebrate our wedding anniversary this year together! Last year we weren't able to celebrate it together, this year I intend to make it a memorable one for the prince.

He's still sleeping – guess what he's been up to recently? I only found out last night that he would secretly practise shooting when everyone's asleep. I found out when I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday and discovered that he wasn't there when I woke up. I was frightened, to feel his side of the bed empty, but was relieved by the sight of him shooting in the garden after I had gone out to find him. He's still not good at it, but at least he's trying hard, to this I'm grateful.

So I went up to him and gave him a back-hug without him knowing, he sure was surprised to see me there – I guess he didn't expect me wake up and find him. He seemed a bit embarrassed when I asked him what he was doing, he said he was practising for something. I think there's something on his mind, something big and troubling to him – why else would he be out shooting in the middle of the night? I know father does that whenever he's got something on his mind – he would shoot till morning if that's how long it'll take for him to figure things out. If there's anything troubling the prince, I hope he can let me know so I might be able to give him some help. The thing that's been troubling him distracts him too much, he can't even have the arrows reach the board – I really hope he's alright. He doesn't seem too upset though, just a bit frustrated.

I told him that if he wishes to hit the target, he must have something in his mind – whether it's a person he hated or something that he hated. And guess what? He got it in right after I told him that! I asked him what he had in mind, hoping he would open his heart to me a bit more about what's been bothering him and this is what he said. He said, "Soondeok ah, I was targeting at your heart." I stared at him for a moment, first thing that crossed my mind was whether the prince still hated me and all the old memories flashed back in an instant, yet I knew that the prince loves me so, hence that mustn't be what he meant.

But then, why? I was puzzled, greatly, he seemed to have seen my expression so he hugged me and said, "I hate your heart, Deok ah, I hate your heart for giving you pain. I hate your heart for making you suffer. I hate your heart for making you take that medicine every day...I just hate it...I don't want to see you living like this, honey. I want to change this, I want to find a cure for you, I want to get rid of your sick heart for you...if only I could, I would give you my heart."

My mouth knew not of what I should say, but my eyes responded instantly, tears rolled down fast. It hurts me to see the prince being sad, it hurts me even more seeing the prince being concerned about me. I really regret, every now and then, of wanting to marry him so badly, if only I had picked another prince, then he would've been free from all these. Right?