Diary Entry - Eundeok Married Life (Baekhera) [COMPLETED]

Brothers' talk

Eun's diary

Soondeok and I will be staying at the palace tonight. Scared? Certainly. But I should be alright, with Soondeok by my side. Yes, I need to protect her, I can't let anyone know how much I love her. I keep remember that nightmare I had, that voice that kept ringing in my ears saying whomever I love will die because of me. I just can't let that happen. Why is it so hard to be with my wife? Why's everything so hard for both of us? You don't see other couples going through things like this!

I mean, why me? Why's heaven picking on me? What have I done wrong in my past life to deserve this? Will this fate end in this life or will it continue to strangle me in the next? I just want to live peacefully with my wife, that's all, is that too much to ask? I just want to see her free from her suffering, free from her pain, I just want to spend my days with her, away from this city. Is that really too much to ask for?

Soondeok's diary

We'll be leaving soon. The prince seems to be very concerned about this festival, I'm worried about him. Initially I wanted to use this opportunity to sneak into the royal library one last time, but with Eun in this condition, I'm afraid I can't. What a waste of opportunity, but for Eun, I suppose it's worth it.

I've been feeling weird these few days, maybe it's because I ate something wrong, I keep wanting to get sick, worse in the morning. I knew I shouldn't have eaten that entire pork belly Eun's bought a few days ago, I guess it was just too heavy for me. I'll remember that.

Mother seemed to have sensed my illness, she asked me if I'm feeling alright yesterday during tea. Do I really look that sick? To be honest, I do believe I'm in good shape now, compared with other times. I hope mother won't find out, I don't want her to have another thing added to her 'worry' list.

Eun will pretend to 'hate' me during this time, I know he's trying to protect me and I really appreciate it. Yet, somewhere in my heart, though I know he loves me so much, I'm frightened. I'm frightened that he really will come to loathe me one day. I know I know, I'm overthinking, but still, I can't help but remember those times. Those days when I would cry myself to sleep, when I would yearn for a simple gaze from the prince, when I would stay outside the room all night just so Eun would stop yelling at me and go to bed.

I think I have to go now. I'm feeling sick again. Maybe I should see the doctor after the festival, I think there's something wrong with my stomach – but I don't want to. Last time I visited the doctor, he advised me that it'd be best if I don't have a child. He said that it'll be suicide, for me to carry a baby. I know he only wants what's best for me, he's been taking care of me since I was but a little girl. Yet it stabs my heart to hear him tell me that, it's like a death sentence. And he'll definitely know I've stopped taking medicine, that, he'd not be pleased. Maybe I should just find another doctor. But I don't trust them either. Oh well, I'll worry about that when I get back.

-----------------------------

(Eun outside the outhouse)

'Deok ah! You're inside? What's taking you so long? The carriage is here to take us to the palace, Deok ah.'

'Just a moment- URGH!'

(Eun listens, he could hear Soondeok feeling sick)

'Deok ah! Are you sick? Oh dear, open the door, are you alright?'

'No no no, I'm fine...I'm coming out.'

(Soondeok finally comes out and Eun helps her stand straight, looking worried)

'Honey, you alright? You don't look so well. Maybe we should just cancel going there.'

'No...we've already missed it for 2 years...we can't miss it this year as well...'