The New RFA

Can You Even Learn?

Jisu stared at the board in front of her, not being able to decipher what her teacher just wrote on it. She could see clearly, vision being able to know exactly what the Korean words said but she still found it difficult.

She squinted as if it would help her understand the teachings she was to engage in but it was all in vain. She panicked slightly, looking around and noticing her classmates had easily figured the problem out and started writing it all down.

She made the decision to write it all down too, even if she didn't understand half of what the teacher was saying. This happened almost every year. Maybe even every month. She couldn't understand things sometimes but her own pride stopped her from asking for help. No... Maybe it's not her own pride... It's due to what she's afraid everyone would think of her if she were to ask.

She had always been the smartest one in class, having studied harder than everyone else because she needs much more help. Her brain didn't function like everyone else's. She learned much differently so her father had helped her since 1st grade to catch up and, eventually, get ahead of everyone.

She was determined. It was apparent to those who knew just how hard she worked to get to this point. Nobody knew just how much she struggled in class when something brand new was introduced. Nobody knew how much panic it caused or how she had to spend the whole class to get through only one problem.

Her teachers didn't have much compassion. Years of them saying "Can you even read the blackboard? It's written clearly.." or "Shes just not trying hard enough...".

The worst thing about all of that was those were teachers. The ones supposed to help you. They had helped her for a while but usually got frustrated. One teacher even sent her to a 'special class' because she couldn't understand!

Maybe that's the reason she never asked for help... Maybe that's why her father was the only person she asked help from... Maybe that's why she pushed herself to the point of exhaustion trying to study until 3:00AM.

Jisu wasn't dumb and she wasn't mentally disabled. She just was... terrible at learning like everyone else. Most said she wasn't paying attention to any of her lessons even if she put off hanging out with her friends to stay cooped up in her room, studying every single lesson until she knew it by heart. Just enough to have a passing grade in tests.

"She is just finding excuses. It's time to grow up now". Jisu heard someone say that to her father once. She was sure it was his co-worker but it still made her heart hurt. If she could, she'd try not to find any excuses. She'd try to do everything right. She'd try not to give her father something else to worry about. She'd try to be better little girl than what she is now!

Can a single person just explain it to her!?!?!!!

...

......

...She sighed dispite herself. She was really hopeless. She couldn't do anything right, no matter how hard she tried. She was the worst daughter, wasn't she?

"Kim Jisu, are you okay?" Her teacher asked, noticing her sigh. Jisu looked up at her from her desk and nodded.

"Yes. I was only thinking of something that happened this morning," Jisu lied, smiling her 4th grade smile up at the teacher. The teacher smiled too and resumed teaching. Jisu frowned as soon as she did so, the board only becoming a blur as tears welled in her eyes. She was so frustrated with this and despised herself for not being able to do something that's probably the easiest thing in the world.

Still, she refused to let any tears fall. After all, she did not have it as bad as anyone else. Her problems were trivial in her opinion. She didn't deserve to complain.

"Actually...." Jisu said, making the teacher stop the lesson to pay attention to the brown haired child. "May I go to the bathroom?" Jisu asked, even as her mind was scolding her. She felt even using the restroom would only make her miss more of her studies.

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Jisu sat in her bed, curled up in a fetal position while reading over her notes for the tenth time. It didn't make sense no matter how long she did it.

She was waiting for Yoosung to get off work, knowing that he'd help her for as long as he could. He's even taken off of work to help his daughter understand something she wasn't getting but desperately needed to know.

Unlike her teachers or her mother, Yoosung never got frustrated. He never sighed or groaned or even scolded her for not responding when she had enough. Jisu could shut down because she was too stressed and he would just smile and say they can try again after some rest.

She loves learning with her father. It was nice and comfortable. She was sure he had to research ways to help her understand certain things but that just made it even better. He loved her enough to spend hours on the internet, trying to find different ways to teach.

She dropped the lined paper, turning to lie on her back and stare at the ceiling. She noticed a few mysterious stains on it but closed her eyes, too tired to keep them open anymore.

"Your kid has no excuse, honestly..."

A/N: Jisu has a very hard time learning everything she knows and tries harder than anyone else. This is canon!