The New RFA

Dont Get Too Close

We were never close, my mother and I.

I had realized early on that she was a very selfish woman.

How? Well... That's a story you should know for yourself...

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Murmers from outside Iseul's hospital room notified him that the doctor and his mother were speaking in hushed tones. Almost as if they didn't want him to hear what was going on. To him, it didn't matter if he was a child. To him, it was important that he knew what was wrong with him.

You see, Iseul never felt complete. He was born feeling hollow and like he was missing something. He could still feel emotions but it always felt like he didn't get the full effect. With sadness, it wasnt as bad on his heart as it could've been. With happiness, it wasn't as nice a feeling as was described in the books.

He knew he was broken, in one way or another. He wanted the doctors to fix him and he knew that his mother would not be the one to push that. She made that clear when she said "My son, you don't need all of that. You are normal".

It was... inconvenient that he had to take matters into his own hands. To notify the school of all his problems was his last desperate attempt at fixing himself. Yet, here he was, his mother arguing with the doctor and disrupting all his hard work.

"I want to stop all therapy and medicine," He heard his mother's voice say. Stop it all? She can't, can she? Iseul tried to find something in his mind that could save him. Any loophole possible and yet his age was the major factor that ruled everything.

His mother was selfish, holding onto her false fantasy as if troubles never came her way. She made herself believe her son was okay. She forced him to deal with his own issues because she'd rather not be reminded he is not the son she tricked herself to believe he is.

Her own selfishness was what made Iseul feel as if she didn't love him. It made Iseul hold a grudge against her. It made him feel like she didn't love him for who he was but for the idea that she held onto.

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Her love felt false. She didn't really feel like a mother. After all, a mother takes care of you when your sick. And I was really REALLY sick.

In her desperate attempt to keep me sane, she only made me isolated. I did not want any affection from my mother and so I refused any hugs or kisses. This made me desperate for human love. Any kind.

I guess... That's why I did what I did to the love of my life...

I guess... That's why I kept her to myself.

But that never explained why I didn't remember any of it. That didn't explain why I couldn't remember doing these things to her!

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When Iseul finally woke up from his dream-like state, it seemed to be too late. Areum looked so much different than when he left his own mind and possibly body.

Her hair was now shoulder length, looking as if it was cut hastily and uneven. Like she didn't stay still for it and the cutter had to fight her. It was a contrast from her long hair he had remembered, having reached to her waist.

She looked beaten and tattered. She didn't have that light in her eyes, even if she smiled at him. She looked like she was willing to do anything for him just by the way she stood, as if waiting for instructions.

It was this picture of Areum that haunted his every waking moment from then on. He realized fairly quickly that he had done this to her. He knew that he was the reason why she, herself, needed a doctor or two to recover. It was this picture he reminded himself with when he was falling in love all over again.

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There is no one person to blame. I could blame my mother. I could blame my brother. I could blame myself. I could even blame my father.

It doesn't matter because, in the end, I was the one that did everything. It was my own fault, wasn't it?

I knew to never get too close... Never get too close to anyone...