I have been under hurricane conditions since
I was thirteen years old
maybe even longer
and that's all me
my mistake
didn't see me coming
(I didn't know that kid was a warning sign)
oops
don't look now, folks
lots of flooding and nasty debris
come back next year
well, sometimes I don't know how to live with
myself
I'm a bad roommate
an ugly car wreck and I'm still trying to figure
out where all my pieces went
have you seen this person?
I think the storms taken them away
people drown like that
common way to go
and lately I feel like I am sleeping
I have been asleep all along
and I would like to wake up now, please
I want to get up and get dressed and open my
curtains
Because I think there is light outside
and I wonder what it feels like
I wonder what it feels like to be alive
and to be what I am and not feel like I am half
of anything
or that I am in purgatory waiting
I want to recognize my own name
but I cannot move stuck in dreams and I am
tired of this place
I have decided lately, that I deserve to be happy
I want to wake up
but there are no windows in concrete walls
And I haven't been able to find the door in so long
but I can see green exit signs
I am inside-out, think I was born that way
but I want to tuck myself back in
and I am tired of watching you breathe easy
I am jealous
I do not want to be so bitter and angry that I want to tear out my own throat or rattle
my own bones
This is a natural disaster
I have been boarding windows and swallowing
sandbags to keep the water out
but it has been a lifetime of looking for a safe route
I am trying to get to those green exit signs
because I know there is air on the other side of them
and I want to breathe
(I wonder what that feels like)
YOU ARE READING
Dysphoria
Şiir"I dreamt I grew roots and sunk into deep earth, Where mud became my skin and dampened grains freckled my surface, I opened my mouth wide for the sprouting branches Leaf-speckled limbs And sunflowers blossomed from my eyes, Sunlight bled in waves, w...
