Playing With Fire || z.m

"I tried to warn you, Harry."

ZAYN

“You’ve fucked everything up, Zayn!” Harry speaks quietly from the other side of the room. Our manager, Paul, has some how managed to lock us both in a room to try and resolve our issues as if this is some kind of playground shit. I shagged his girlfriend. Well to be fair I was shagging her first. “Seriously, like I can’t believe this is happening. Just when I was happy, you come along and fuck it up.”

“I tried to warn you, Harry.” I perch on the coffee table in the middle of the room we’ve been locked in and Harry is leaning back, casually in an arm chair.

“Oh, that’s okay then!” He suddenly bellows. “You warned me that Ellie might be a wrongun, you suggested to me that she may be playing me. Silly me, it’s all my fault. Why didn’t you just fucking tell me that you were shagging her senseless behind my back?” I have nothing to say to the poor guy. “I want answers, Zayn. Just answer my questions, honestly.”

“God, Harry, I don’t think you should do this.”

“How long has it been going on for?” He snaps.

“Four months.”

He frowns, “Wait, so you were shagging before I met her?” I nod “You’ve got to be kidding me. Was she using me to get at you?”

“I don’t think so. But when you met her we had fallen out and I did have my suspicions that she was doing it to wind me up but I think she actually liked you, Haz.”

“Did you shag in her house?” I give him a nod, not making eye contact. “Where?”

“Really, Harry? How is this relevant? How does it matter where we had sex? If it is really important to you we did it in her bed, we did it in her kitchen, we did it in my bed, in my lounge, in my garden while you lot were all indoors, and probably other places.”

“What?” He sits forward in the chair, eyes filling with tears. “You fucked outside while you were both smoking? While Perrie and I were sitting in your lounge? You pair of dirty wankers.” I want to laugh at his choice of words but I decide not to.

“I don’t really know why you are crying over this. She fucked you over good and proper, just move on. Find another girl, a decent girl who won’t sleep with…”

“My best friend?” He finishes off for me. I don’t say anything else. I have nothing else to say. What the hell am I meant to say to the poor guy? “I’ve got one more question and I want you to answer it honestly and then we’re going to tell Paul that we’ve made up and that everything is sorted because I can’t stand to be in this room with you looking at your scummy face.”

Scummy face? How the fuck can he say my face is… okay, Zayn, think about the real problem here…

“I can do that.”

“Do you have feelings for her?” Do I have feelings for Ellie? Yes. Yes I do. And that was the main thought that wouldn’t leave my mind all day yesterday, along with the image of her on the floor gasping for air after I.. you know. I can’t even bare to think about what I did to her the other night. The thought literally pains me.

Do I have feelings for Ellie? God, even saying her name in my mind makes my skin prickle. Her voice makes my insides smile. Her eyes; Her long, soft, dark hair; Her small hands; The way she makes my heart leap when she says my name; The way she smokes; I love pretty much everything about her.

This is not how it was supposed to end up. I wasn’t supposed to like Ellie like this. It was just sex, and I was in control of that. But now I’m not so sure who is in control.   I know that with these feelings I’m 98% out of control.

“Yes, I do.” I whisper. He doesn’t say anything in response, he doesn’t even acknowledge my answer. He just stands up and walks over to the door calling Paul’s name.

“Everything okay?” Paul asks once he has unlocked the door. Harry pushes past him, wanting to get as far away from me as possible which is understandable.

“Everything is…okay.” I give him my best smile but I know what I need to do now. I need to go and find Ellie. I need to talk to her, hear her voice. I need to tell her everything.

What the fuck is wrong with me? Take me back four months and I swear, I’m a different man. Four months I couldn’t imagine anything else other than having Perrie as my girlfriend and occasional sex with Ellie. That was the calm before the storm. Now I know what I want. Now I’ve let myself see it.    

*

“I’m sorry, Perrie.” I stand in the doorway of her bedroom not really daring to go any further. She sits on the bed with her back to me, not even able look at me.

“If you think I’m taking you back then you’ve got another thing coming.”

“I don’t want you to take me back, Perrie. You deserve better than me. You deserve a guy who will take proper care of you. Someone who won’t stray. I am truly sorry for how I treated you. I really honestly am sorry.”

“You’re in love with Ellie, then?” her voice is thick with tears. I can’t cope with this; I can’t cope with honesty. My natural instinct is to lie. I just can’t help it. But I can’t possibly lie to poor Perrie anymore.

“I wouldn’t call it ‘love’, Perrie.” I want to die on the spot. This is awful.

“Why are you here?” She finally turns to face me and I can’t help but let out a small gasp. Her face is completely make-up free, her eyes are red and blood shot and her skin is blotchy. I did this. I caused this. “Have you come to gloat or something? Or rub it in my face that you have feelings for someone else?”

“No, babe,”

“Don’t call me ‘babe’ I am not your ‘babe’.” She shouts. I stay silent. I don’t know what else to say to her. “Just leave. I’ll come and collect all my belongings from your house while you are out tomorrow and leave my key. I don’t want to see you again.”

So I do as I’m told and leave the house of my now ex-girlfriend feeling rather dazed. I can’t believe that any of this is happening.

I find my self driving the streets of London in a complete bubble. All sorts of emotions are running round my head. I can’t even go home because an army of paps will be outside both mine and Ellie’s houses which also means no way of seeing Ellie unless I book myself into a hotel and text her to meet me. But what if she doesn’t want to see me?

I’ve completely presumed that she’s absolutely fine about this; we’re going to be together and live happily ever after. What if she would rather be with Harry? Or that she just doesn’t want me? I’m almost having heart palpitations thinking about her not wanting me.

She will want to be with me, wont she?

*

After another hour of pointlessly driving around, I manage to find a decent hotel and book myself into a room under a different name, letting management know where I’m going to be laying low for a few days.

*Meet me at the hotel called Jury’s Inn in Croydon, South London. The room is under the name James West, Come as soon as you can x* I text Ellie straight away, hoping that she’ll be jumping in her car as she reads it.

What if she doesn’t come? What if she ignores it? Why am I getting so hung up on this?

My phone pings in my hands and I shakily open the message from Ellie.

*I need to see Harry first. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.x* the thought of her seeing Harry makes my blood boil. What if they stay together? If he lays a finger on her I will… I will… I don’t know what I will do. Who they hell am I to talk when it’s always me to lay a finger or a fist on Ellie? What the fuck is wrong with me? Harry wouldn’t hurt Ellie, I know that for a fact. He’s a much better guy to her…

 *Don’t be long, can’t wait to see you x* I reply. She best get here quickly.