Playing With Fire || z.m

"That burnt the inside of my face."

ZAYN

I needed Ellie like I needed air. I watch from the window as she walks slowly along the road towards her house, her head down, long hair falling over her face. I’d been checking my phone constantly all day after getting no reply from her and that really bugged me.

I know I went too far last night, I shouldn’t have been so rough with her but my anger got the best of me and she needed to know what could happen if she even threatens me with telling Perrie.

I miss Ellie. I miss her touch; I miss her fingers as they run softly along my skin. I miss her kiss; her tongue darting across my bottom lip, her teeth gently nibbling, her lips pressing roughing onto mine. I miss the sex. I miss the care free, casual sex.

I glance down at my phone in my hands to see a text from Perrie.

*See you tonight at the album launch party, Love you x*

Perrie’s album launch party, I’d forgotten.

I need to sort my life out. What am I doing? I love Perrie, God do I love Perrie. I proposed to her because I love her. There was absolutely nothing between Ellie and I, no feelings have ever been involved.  

Before I know what I’m doing, my legs carry me down the stairs, through the front door and across the road to Ellie’s porch. I stand in front of the big wooden front door for a moment before gently tapping on it.

She peels the door open, slowly, not saying a word, just looking at me with her big blue eyes.

My heart pounds as I gaze at her, my hands getting sweaty, my mouth dry. All I want to do is bury myself into her. She looks hot wearing a mid-thigh length black skirt and a black and white bird print blouse and she’s brushed her hair out her face.

Without saying anything we step towards each other and I reach out and pull her into my arms, feeling her tense at my touch.

“Please don’t be scared of me.” I whisper into her hair. She doesn’t reply, we just stand, clutching onto each other in her doorway. “I’ve missed you.” I add.

“You can come in, if you want to.” She pulls away from me and I follow her into the house, both of us perching on the sofa.

We sit in an awkward silence for what feels like hours, the whole time I am completely unable to take my eyes off her. That may be why she isn’t saying anything to be fair, I’m just sitting here staring at her.

“Stop looking at me.” She mutters, not looking up at me once.

“Why won’t you look at me?”

“Why do you want me to look at you?” Why is she speaking so softly? And why is she still not able to look at me?? So many questions. Keep them in your head, Zayn. Do not bombard her with a million questions!

“I just,” I pause. “I don’t know.”

She doesn’t say anything else. Instead she slowly turns her head towards me, slowly looking up and finally meeting my eye. Her blue eyes, those eyes, just. Her blue eyes. I can’t even describe them. I’m getting completely lost in them. My hands are clamming up and I can feel my heart beat in my throat. What is wrong with me? Before I realise, I’m leaning towards her. Her eyes flick between my eyes and my lips a few times and before she can protest I press my lips into hers, kissing her gently, softly, lightly.

We’ve never kissed like this before. There’s no fire its only… only… butterflies. Butterflies? What? Shut up Zayn and just kiss the girl!

I put my hands to her cheeks, stroking the soft skin on her face and Ellie’s hands reach up and grip onto the back of my neck. Everything about this kiss is different, the air in the room, the way we are touching each other and I don’t even know what I’m talking about anymore.

Ellie pulls away slightly, her eyes flick delicately open and look deep into mine. “What was that?” she whispers.

“Amazing.” I whisper back, pecking her lips once more. She felt it too then? We stay as close to each other as we can possibly get, just pecking each other on the lips. For once, I’m enjoying just kissing her. For once, I don’t want to rip her clothes off. I would, don’t get me wrong, but this is lovely, this is great, this is nearing on perfect.

“I have to go.” I do, It’s Perrie’s album launch party and of course I want to go. But the other part obviously wants to stay here with Ellie. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” She smiles, kissing me once more before letting go of me. We move away from each other and I quickly stand up, adjust myself in my boxers and head towards the door.

“I’m not leaving because I want to, I’m leaving because I have to, I have a party to be at tonight.”

“I understand, you don’t have to explain yourself.” She follows me to the front door and opens it for me, giving me a small smile as I step onto the porch.

“I won’t text you because of, well, I’ve had a few close calls with Perrie.” I admit. “So, I’ll be seeing you.”

“Yeah, I’ll be seeing you.” She copies, a little laugh, and then closes the door behind me.

*

“Perrie! The album is brilliant, baby girl!” I laugh as I hug her tightly.

“You’re crushing me bones!” She screams loudly over the music in the party. I laugh, letting her go and she grins cheekily up at me. “I can’t wait to get you home tonight.”

“Jeez, girl, how much have you had to drink?”

“Not that much!”

“To be fair, you don’t drink much anyway so anything will get you hammered!” I hold her hands and move her arms to make it look like she’s dancing.

“Not true!” She defends herself, not even trying to stop me forcing her to dance. “Shall we get another glass of champagne?”

“Don’t have to ask me twice.” We make our way to the bar and grab a free glass of rather posh champagne and I sip it slowly knowing I’ll be having to look after Perrie in a while.

“God, I just get fed up of people constantly looking at us.” Perrie says into my ear so I can hear her above the music.

“Me, too!” I agree. She’s right. I look around the party and people’s eyes are constantly flickering towards us. It’s as though we’re the only two wearing fancy dress at a party because we didn’t get the memo about the theme being cancelled.

“I just want people to realise that we are normal people. I’m a normal girl. I shit the same as everyone else.”

I snort, choking as I take a sip of champagne and have to spit it back into the glass. “I can always rely on you to say it as it is, girl.” I cough. “Jesus, that burnt the inside of my face, inhaling that drink.”

“So what did you think of the album, Zayn?” Jade, Perrie’s tiny band mate, bellows from right next to me, making me jump out of my skin. Pretty sure my heart just exploded. If I drop down dead you will know why.

“Fuck,” I swear. “Can you warn me when you are approaching? You always just appear next to me and yell at me. I need to live, God damn it.” Perrie and Jade both high five each other and look at me expectantly. Oh yeah, she asked me a question. “I really liked the album, Jade.”

“You really liked it?” She frowns at me.

“Okay, alright, I loved it, it’s the best album in the world!” I laugh at her.

“Better than Midnight Memories?” Jade raises her eyebrows at me.

“Don’t push it, Thirlwall!”