Playing With Fire || z.m

"Keep your head up, gorgeous."

ELLIE

Three days he stayed for. Three days of slobbing around. Three days of watching pointless daytime TV. Three days of eating our bodyweight in food. Three days of laughter. Three days of cuddles. Three days of us. Just us. Me and him. Him and me.

And now he’s gone.

It’s as though the light has gone out. He is my light. He was here and the light was on but now he’s gone its darkness. My heart feels heavy. It’s cold with out him.

I forgot everything while he was with me. While we were together it was like we were just two normal people. He wasn’t a world famous boy band member, he wasn’t worth millions of pounds. There weren’t loads of stories about us all over the media. I hadn’t had an abortion.

But now he’s gone everything has happened again. Everything is fresh in my mind.

I let out a huge sigh and heave myself up off the sofa. I need to leave this house, I need to get out. I’ll go crazy if I stay cooped up indoors any longer.

“Where are you off to?” My mum asks as I slip on a pair of Ugg boots in the hall way. God, my mums been an absolute angel these past three days. She didn’t have to let Zayn stay. She didn’t have to let either of us stay but she let us keep out of the limelight for a few days and sort ourselves out.

“I’m going for a walk. Fancy joining me?” She nods, worry clear in her face. This whole fiasco shocked her, I can see it in her eyes. Mum isn’t a worrier, she’s laid back like me but this has shaken her. I guess it isn’t very pleasant reading hate messages all over the internet about your daughter, and lies in the papers. Not that I’ve told her the exact truth yet…

I watch as she slips on her own pair of Ugg boots that match mine and we leave the house, linking arms, strolling slowly in silence for a few minutes.

“So when are you going to tell me the real story?” She finally asks. I’ve avoided it for the past three days, like a coward.

“I’m sorry, Mum, I should have told you sooner, I know you’ve read everything that the media has been saying.”

“I just don’t know what to believe any more.” Her voice sounds a little hurt and my heart immediately lurches. This is my mum. Out of everyone one, she will be the one to understand my choices, my reasons, and she will be the one to protect me.

“I did have an abortion, Mum, we denied it to the public but it’s true. I was pregnant but I had to get rid of it.” The words rush out of my mouth. I’ve needed to voice that to someone other than Zayn for a while now. She doesn’t say anything. “We were both cheating on our relationships. I’ve been a complete arse, Mum, I’m so sorry that I’ve let you down. All I ever want to do is make you and Dad proud but I’ve ruined it. I’ve ruined everything. I’ve let everyone down and now everyone will know I’m a cheat, and a baby killer…” I gabble.

“Whoa, stop. You aren’t a baby killer.” She stops walking and takes my cheeks in her soft hands and looks me dead in the eye. “We all make mistakes but don’t you ever put yourself down like that. You did what was right at the time. You were silly to get yourself into that mess in the first place but you were brave enough to stand on your own two feet and make a sensible decision.” I feel a lump in my throat but I think I’m all cried out. “Don’t ever second guess yourself. This is your life, don’t you dare let other people’s opinions affect you! I brought you up to be a strong, brave, independent woman. Do not let this stop you from carrying on in life. Everyone makes mistakes; nobody has the right to judge you unless their hands are clean.” I can see tears in her eyes but I don’t want her to cry.

“It’s still upsetting though. I still need to get my head round everything.”

“Spend a week crying, eat fuck-tons of ice cream, but after that week, you get your arse back out there and show them who you are. You give them hell.” I must admit, I love my Mum’s pep talks. She just always knows what to say.

“I love you, mum.” I let a small sob escape my lips and she pecks my cheek.

“I love you, Eleanor.” She pecks me again. “Keep your head up, gorgeous, people would kill to see you fall.”

*

“Hey, Elz, How’re you?” Zayn’s voice makes me smile as I hold the phone to my ear.  Elz.

“Not bad, thanks. How are things with your band mates?” I hold my breath waiting for his answer.

“It was, uh, okay. I guess?” He lets out a loud sigh and I sit down on my bed, still at my mums, waiting to hear about his day. “We had a rather full-on argument. Liam absolutely read me the riot act. Louis called me every swear word under the sun. Niall, bless him, tried to get everyone to calm down and lay off me a little because, as he says, everyone makes mistakes. But Harry just sat in the corner not speaking or looking at anyone. He only came because Management told him we all had to get photographed outside the office looking happy. But at the end he tried to get the lads to vote to kick me out the band.”

“What?” I shut my eyes and run a hand through my hair. This lot are hard to keep up with. “They can’t just kick you out?”

“No, because of contracts and stuff.”

“Well, talking of being kicked out, I got a phone call from work today.” I get a sick feeling in my stomach as I remember the awful, heartbreaking conversation with my boss this morning. “I’ve been sacked.”

He lets out a loud gasp. “Why?”

“Apparently the office has been in complete uproar since the story was published. There are still paparazzo hanging about outside the building and I’ll be too much of a distraction to the other staff if I return.” I laugh, hoping he won’t pick up on me feeling sad about it.

“That’s shit, I’m really sorry. I’ll call your boss and speak to him and get the job back for you.”

“No, Zayn. It’s fine. I’ll look for something else. It’s annoying but I don’t think I could face going back anyway.”

“I’m sorry, babe, it’ll all blow over soon. You should probably stay at your Mum’s a bit longer, there are still people hanging around outside our houses. I’ll try to come and see you in a few days. I can’t wait to see you again.” My mood lifts knowing that I’ll get to see him in a few days.

“I can’t wait to see you, either.” I tell him honestly. Just the thought of being able to hug him and kiss him makes my mood soar.  

GUYS!!!! What do you think should happen next?! Do you like them being all loved up??

Thanks for reading and sorry it’s taking me a while to update at the moment. No excuses, just, you know… life gets in the way… Can’t wait to hear what you think! .x     Love you all