Playing With Fire || z.m

"She won't speak."

 SORRY… this is so overdue!! Apologies! I’ll be updating more regularly, I’m sorry. I’ve started another book as well so please go check it ou, it’s called ‘1662’ I’ll love you forever.  

ZAYN

She’s gone. I can’t believe that she’s fucking left! I can feel the anger in the pit of my stomach building up

Building up

Building up

It’s so close to completely swamping me, taking over but I bite it down, standing still with my eyes clamped shut. I won’t lose it.

I won’t

I won’t

But it happens before I can stop it, I can’t hold it down. My hand chucks my phone across the room with out me being able to do anything. My foot collides with my bag, sending it flying across the room, it contents exploding out of it. My hands push the cabinet crashing onto the floor and it feels good, it feels so damn good to release my anger.

I stand still in the middle of the room and inspect the damage. My breathing is ragged, my hands pretty shaky and sweat is forming on my forehead.

Why did she leave? If anyone should have left it should have been me! She was the one whole aborted our baby. Our baby. Holy shit I could have been a dad. The thought is calming yet terrifying. But the key words here are ‘could have’. I could have been a dad. But not now, because she got rid of it!  

Before I can even think about what I’m doing, my hands are yanking the flat screen TV off the wall and I watch it fall to the floor with a crash.

I’ll probably have security up here in a minute. But I don’t care.

I stumble into the kitchen area and before I know it I’ve kicked all three of the high kitchen stools to the floor and pulled everything off the counters.

What am I doing??

I feel deluded by anger, I can see what I’m doing but my mind just won’t register it. It’s as though I’m watching someone else do it.

I’ve messed up everything. I had a lovely, beautiful girlfriend who supported everything I did. Yes she was annoying and we hardly saw each other but she was mine, she loved me, I loved her. We knew where we both stood. Now I’ve thrown that away. I’ve thrown that away for lust.

Is it lust that I have for Ellie? I crave her really bad. I thought that I loved her? She keeps me on my toes, she is so exciting but fuck, how do we recover from this?

And Harry. My best friend. My band mate. Oh God I’ve messed up. How are we going to work together? What are the other lads going to say, and how will they act around me?

I chuck myself onto the large bed and lay on my back with my hands covering my eyes. I’ve developed the worst headache within about 2 minutes.

Fuck my life. Big time.

Is Ellie even going to come back to me?

I fling myself off the bed and grab my phone off the floor, checking to see if it still works. The screen is pretty cracked where it hit the wall. I hold my breath as I hold the ‘on’ button praying for it to switch on. It finally does, thank fuck. I fumble through the contact list, my thumb clumsily pressing the wrong things but I finally get onto Ellie and try to call her. Obviously no answer… So I try again, and again, and again. 28 times to be precise.

Just as I’m about to give up and smash the phone again, it starts vibrating in my hand. It’s Ellie. I’ve never answered a phone call so quickly.