Playing With Fire || z.m

"I heard some great news today."

ELLIE

Positive.

Shit.

It’s positive.

Shit, wank, bollocks, fuck.

I chuck the pregnancy test into the sink along with the other seven tests that I have taken. They are all positive.

Shit.

I lean against the sink and inspect my face in the mirror. No wonder I’ve suddenly got so spotty. My skin is pale and my blue eyes look a horrible dull grey colour. With shaky hands I turn on the tap, letting it run for a minute before holding my hands under the water. It’s cold and refreshing yet painful at the same time. In one quick motion I splash my face with the icy water and let my skin dry in the air.

I’m pregnant.

My heart is beating over time. What do I do now? I don’t know anything about pregnancy. I pull my tshirt over my head and drop it on the floor, clambering into the shower. I stand under the warm water for a good half an hour, preying for the water to wash away each and every one of my problems.

So is this karma? Am I finally getting my comeuppance? I’ve never been a very nice person. I’m pretty selfish, I never try to please anyone, and I don’t often think how others may feel about my words or actions. Karma is a bitch.

Although, I’ve brought this all on myself. I should have made Zayn wear a condom. In fact I shouldn’t have slept with him at all. I knew this would open a can of worms although I was thinking about Perrie in this rather than myself.

*

After dressing slowly and taking my time drinking a cup of tea, I finally leave the house and make my way to the train station to head to work. I feel like shit if I’m honest. My head is all over the place. I don’t really know what to think about any of this situation any more.

I’m going to have to tell Zayn. Oh God, that’s going to be a right drama isn’t it! It’s been a week since our argument and I haven’t seen him or heard a peep out of him. I’m pleased though, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders since ditching him. Up until now.

Now the weight is back on my shoulders, although a different type of weight. This feels heavier. How the heck am I going to start a conversation with him?

‘Hi Zayn, how have you been since our little argument? Oh, by the way, just to let you know I am expecting your baby.’

No. Just no.

My phone begins ringing in my bag so I pull it out quickly and smile as I read the caller ID.  

“Hi Harry.” I try my hardest to sound up-beat. I don’t really want to speak to anybody but maybe the lovely Harry Styles can help take my mind off of things for a little while.

“Hey babe, Thought I’d give you a call before we start our long day of press.” I smile to myself. He is such a thoughtful person. The band had been working their arses off recently due to the release of their film next week which meant a ridiculous amount of interviews. Most likely the reason that I haven’t seen Zayn.

“Good luck. Oh, Harry, please remember not to say anything about us to any one.”

“You know I won’t.” He laughs. “Oh, by the way, I heard some great news today.”

“Oh, what’s that?” I reply. I walk slowly up the steps at the station to wait for my train. Hopefully it won’t be too long a wait.  

“Zayn proposed to Perrie and she said yes!”

 *

“Oh my goodness, are you okay?” I hear a woman shout and suddenly someone’s hand is on my back. “Stay down, I’m calling an ambulance.”

What? An ambulance?

“No!” I manage to call out. I open my eyes and everything comes into view.

I’m on the floor. Why the feck am I on the floor? “Please don’t call an ambulance, I’m fine.”

Am I fine? My head is pounding and my knees are killing where I must have fallen on them. I don’t feel fine at all.

“You just collapsed, my love, I don’t think you are fine.” I manage to pull myself into a sitting position and look at the lady. She’s crouched down on the floor next to me with her phone in her hand, concern etched on her face.

“Sorry.” I mumble.

“Here, shuffle back a little bit and lean against the wall. Have some water.” She shoves a clear plastic bottle at me as I move backwards and I thank her, taking a sip.

“Please don’t call an ambulance, I’m fine honestly.”

“Hmm, okay.” She says slowly, eyeing me up and down. “Well let’s see how you are in twenty minutes and if you are still unwell then I will be calling an ambulance.”

“Deal.” I mutter, leaning my head back on the wall behind me. The woman has a kind face. She has dirty blond hair pulled back into a tight bun and kind, warm brown eyes hidden behind stylish glasses.

“Here, you dropped this as you fell.” She hands me my iphone which is smashed beyond repair. All of a sudden everything washes over me and I remember it all. I’m pregnant. I am carrying Zayn’s child. And then the news Harry told me about Zayn proposing to Perrie. I feel tears spring to my eyes, which is strange, I don’t often cry. “Hey, it’s only a phone, don’t cry.” She soothes.

“It’s not that. I just, I’ve had two pieces of bad news this morning.” I look down at the shattered phone and sigh. Okay, so three bad things have happened now, surely it can stop now?

“Oh, goodness, it’s not even nine o’clock yet honey, I’m sorry.”

I watch the lady stand and my eyes nearly pop out my head at the sight of her large stomach. “You’re pregnant!” I gasp.

She laughs and puts a hand on her bump. “Yes. Do you feel well enough to sit on the bench?”

I nod and pull myself up and we sit next to each other on the cold metal bench. “Thank you for helping me.”

“It’s no problem at all.” She smiles.

The train rolls loudly into the station and I watch as the doors open. “I think I’ll just go home once I’m feeling better. I can’t face work today.” The doors close again and the train disappears. I stare at the woman next to me in alarm as I realise she should have got on that train. “Why didn’t you get on it?” I panic.

“You really think I’m going to leave you here on this grotty platform after you’ve just passed out?”

“Please don’t let me ruin your day.” I sniff, looking at the floor.

“You aren’t.” She smiles, patting my knee and looking away. “So, do you want to talk about it?”