Playing With Fire || z.m

"Stop talking."

A/N Ugh I hate this chapter, I’ve rewritten it loads and I still am not happy. But on a plus note.. New Book Cover, Yay!!  

ELLIE

Shit. I have cystitis.

Bollocks, bollocks, bollocks. I put my head in my hands and sit on the toilet, breathing through the burning pain as I wee.

This is it. I am done with Zayn. A UTI is definitely the last straw. At least I do not have to visit the pharmacy again for a morning after pill. A silver lining to my cloud, I guess. I sigh loudly and finish in the bathroom, washing my hands with extra soap. Cystitis has got to be the worst thing possible. Saying that I’m sure child birth is a lot worse. In fact, who am I kidding? I could be in a lot worse pain with something else.

I shake my head, my hair falling over my face and I gaze at my reflection in the mirror. I look strangely pale considering I have make-up on.

I casually stroll back to my desk and sit down gently, and as if on cue, Jasmine spins round in her desk chair.

“You’re sick.” She states.

“No, I’m fine.” I snap, busying myself with paperwork. It’s no use; I can’t concentrate on anything and I’m fully aware that Jasmine is still sitting staring at me. “Ok, alright, I’ve got cystitis.” I whisper.

She winces, “Ouch, Jesus girl, get to the pharmacy and get some sachets to put in some water.”

“I’m not going back to the pharmacy again. It’s only Tuesday. It was embarrassing enough going yesterday.”

“Why did you go yesterday?” oh crap.

“Ear infection.” I lie. I look down at my paper work again. Why do I always drop myself in it? I deliberately didn’t want to tell Jasmine because she is so nosey and would dig information out of me.

“Ellie, why did you go to the pharmacy yesterday? You can tell me.”

I sigh loudly, debating with myself whether to confess or not. “I had to get the morning after pill.” I bite my lip waiting for her lecture.

“Babe, you don’t have to hide stuff like that from me. You know I am always here to help you.” I hold my breath as I stare at her. I was not expecting her to be so kind. “However,” Oh, here we go. “You know I don’t agree with your situation. How would you like it if it was your husband messing around with someone else?” She stands up and pulls her coat on.

“Where are you going?”

“To the pharmacy to get you some cystitis medication.”

*  

“I’m going to finish it with him.” I tell Jasmine as I slam the empty glass on the table in the staff room. Cystitis relief sachets are absolutely foul.

“Good.” Is all she says. I know I’ve been doing the wrong thing by seeing Zayn but it pisses me off that she’s so cold with me about this. I pick up my phone from the table and type a quick message to him.

*I can’t do this any more. I’m done.*

I send it straight away before I can think too much into it. I don’t want to stop things but I have to. It’s not fair on his girlfriend and Jasmine is right: I wouldn’t want to be the one being cheated on.

The day went by painfully slowly. Jasmine had hardly spoken to me, keeping her self busy with other office gossip, rolling her chair over to other peoples desks for a chat. I felt rather hurt that my best friend was being so weird with me. I was seeing a taken man, so what? Yes, I know that it is morally wrong and I would hate it happening to me, but what’s it got to do with Jasmine? I put all my attention into my work even though it didn’t really happen, I still found myself staring off into space. Every time I looked at the clock the hands had barely moved. I checked my phone every five minutes but I wasn’t surprised that I didn’t get a reply from Zayn. I knew it wouldn’t faze him that I was ending things.

Or maybe Perrie was home from where ever she had been?

“Do you fancy coming to the pub?” Jasmine puts her hands on my shoulders making me jump. “Jason and I are popping over the road for a drink before heading home.”

“Yeah sure.” I save everything on my computer, stand up and slip my coat on and follow Jasmine and Jason out of the office.

I find myself in a daze for most of the evening, stirring my drink with my straw, hardly paying attention to my friends. I thought socialising would take my mind off things, stop me feeling so bummed out but if anything I feel worse sitting in this jam-packed pub full of central London workers drinking away their stresses. All I could think about was Zayn not texting back. I wasn’t hung up on him at all but something about it really bugged me.  

“Sorry to be a bore, but I’m going to head off. I’m still not feeling very well.” I announce, I say my good-byes and weave through the crowded pub to the exit, taking a deep breath of fresh air as I find myself out in the chilly night.

*

“Where have you been?” I hear behind me as I push my key into the front door. I sigh and roll my eyes, not really wanting to see Zayn but I guess I have no choice.

“I went for a drink after work.” I don’t look round but I guess that he is right behind me and confirms my guess when he follows me into my house once I finally get the door open.

“I was waiting for you and then you didn’t come home.” I have nothing to say to him so stand looking at him like an idiot. “You don’t want to finish this.”

“You know what Zayn, you’re right. I don’t want to finish it but I have to. I like shagging you, I really do but it’s wrong. I cannot do this knowing you have a girlfriend who loves you and you love her. I’m not going to be your bit on the side.” I pause, expecting him to say something but he doesn’t. “I’m not after a boyfriend, I don’t want to fall in love but I don’t want to be someone’s toy. It’s degrading. And anyway, how would you feel if it was Perrie cheating on you? This would kill her, you would break her heart.”

“Stop talking.” He sighs, running a hand over his stubble, his other hand on his hip.

“And also, I’ve had to take the fucking morning after pill twice since I met you and now today I’ve had fucking cystitis all because you didn’t wipe your willy between putting it in my arse and fanny.”

“Stop talking, Ellie. It’s fine. You know where I am, and I know you’ll be back in my bed tomorrow. You’re just as filthy as I am, you can’t stay away for long.” He yanks the door open and disappears into the dark.

Fucker. Absolute fucker! If I had more energy I would follow him and argue it out, because I’m stubborn and have a temper on me. But there is just something about him that stumps me. I’m usually the one in control of a relationship, I always win the arguments, I always get my own way, and I am always the one being chased. What has Zayn done to me? I’m crumbling at his feet; I’m finding it so difficult to stand up for myself.

So instead of my temper rearing its ugly head, I do something out of character and take myself up to bed and cry into my pillow.