Playing With Fire || z.m

"What about my opinion?"

ZAYN

The way her face falls tells me it’s true. The way she sits bolt up right on the edge of the bed tells me it’s true. The way her skin flushes an awful pink colour but then immediately goes pale tells me it’s true. The way her mouth opens and closes with no words leaving her lips tells me it’s true.

“I can explain.” She finally croaks.

“This can’t be happening.” I’m so shocked I’m laughing.

“I can explain.” She repeats.

“Go on then!” I yell at her before I can even think about not wanting to scare her. She recoils for a moment, flinching as if I’ve gone to hit her but then she surprises me by standing up and squaring up to me.

“I did the right thing, Zayn, don’t you dare make me think that I haven’t. I chose to terminate the pregnancy for both of our sakes. We weren’t together, we were with other people. Could you really imagine bringing a baby into that mess? I did what was right and I don’t regret it.” She was pregnant with my child.

“What about my opinion? What about me? Does the father not get a say?” A father. I could have been a father.

“Zayn, tell me honestly, are you seriously ready to be a dad?” No of course I’m not ready to be a dad but that isn’t the point here. The point is she got pregnant and aborted my child with out even a word.

“That isn’t the point, Ellie, is it? You should have told me.”

“What, for you to flip me off and not speak to me? I was the one carrying the baby, it’s my body. You could have just walked away and left me to stand on my own two feet. It would have been me bringing a child into this world. Not you, me!”

“You are so fucking selfish.” I mutter, turning away from her. I can’t even process this.

“Yeah it is selfish. But a baby is a big responsibility.” We both stand in silence for a moment, staring each other out. I don’t even know how to feel about this, I mean this is a big deal! This isn’t just a disagreement over something small like what to have for dinner. She aborted a baby we had made together.  

“When did this happen? When did you find out, when did you terminate it?” I ask, trying to keep my voice calm, not really wanting to know the details.

“I found out I was expecting on the same day that I found out you were engaged.” Okay, yeah I can slightly understand her reasoning. I’d just got engaged. I was going to marry Perrie and she would have been on her own with a baby. “I had the termination Tuesday.”

Tuesday. Tuesday we were at that charity dinner. Tuesday. When she was supposedly at her mum’s house. “I knew it! I knew you were hiding something! I knew it.” I run my hands through my hair in frustration and turn around on the spot a few times. “So when I knocked on your door at 5am…”

“I was in bed feeling pretty shitty.” She mutters, our voices angry. “I wasn’t with another guy.” Shit. I jumped to conclusions there.

“So hang on. If you found out that you were pregnant when I got engaged, and the termination was on Tuesday… That means we had sex while you were pregnant?”

She nods, “Twice.” She holds two fingers up to me. Jesus Christ. This is going to absolutely break Perrie and Harry and I think the pair of us have caused enough damage.

“We’re going to have to deny it, El.” I sigh, plonking my body onto the bed and laying back on the plush cushions. “I just, I can’t.” I let out another sigh. “I can’t process this.” It’s not sinking in at all. I feel so angry.

“If we could, that would be for the best.” Ellie lies next to me, both of us gazing up at the ceiling, our bodies tense. “I don’t know how anyone could have got hold of that information. I didn’t tell a soul. The clinic has more than likely breached confidentiality.” I stay silent while she babbles on for a while. I’ve noticed it’s a nervous habit of hers, I mean she has a gob on her anyway but when she gets nervous or uncomfortable she just waffles on about shit.

“Ellie, how do you know it was my baby?” The thought suddenly pops into my head and I ask her before I even think how insulting it may sound.

“I didn’t sleep with Harry.” She whispers. I don’t know if it would make it better or worse if there was a chance that it was Harry’s baby. “Or anybody else before you suggest it. It was only you.” Only me.

We lie in silence for several minute. This whole situation won’t stop buzzing round my head. She was carrying my baby. There was nothing I could have done even if I did know, a father has no rights regarding an abortion, I know that much. And she is right, the child would have been born into a right mess and I’m at the top of my career right now, I couldn’t raise a baby.

“Fuck!” I jump up off the bed again and stand facing her. “I mean…fuck!” I kick my bag that’s on the floor out of frustration and watch as it starts to slowly empty its self as it tips upside down. “You were pregnant with my child. Our child. We had made a baby together. But you decided to get rid of it. You aborted it.” I can’t help but raise my voice. I mean, I don’t know whether to be angry or not. I can’t take this in! “I need to go outside for a cigarette. On my own. I’ll be back in a bit.” I shove a black beanie hat onto my head and grab my packet of cigarettes and lighter. “One more thing before I leave.”

She kneels up in the middle of the bed and shoves a hand through her dark hair. “What?”

“If the media hadn’t have found this out, would you have actually told me?” She says nothing, only stares at me. Her silence answers my question; No, she wouldn’t have told me. “Fucking arsehole.” I mumble as I leave the room letting the heavy door slam shut behind me.

 Sorry that this chapter is so short but yeah.. I struggled. I should be hopefully updating tonight or tomorrow! Please don’t forget to vote/comment I LOVE it when you leave me comments!!! Love you all!