Butterfly

26. It Is Better To Have Loved And Lost.

Chapter Twenty-Six: It Is Better To Have Loved And Lost.

♡ Jessica Washington ♡

The next few days of November pass and soon it is the start of December, the date of my mum's funeral. I'm currently stood in my room in front of my mirror, looking at my reflection. I'm wearing a black dress, which has lacy three-quarter length sleeves, with the top bit of the dress being tight, before flowing out into a skater skirt at the waist, down to around mid-thigh. I'm wearing black heels with this, with a silver locket around my neck, which had a picture of me and my mum in.

I've curled my hair neatly down my back, and my makeup is minimal. Once I've finished getting ready, I grab my matching black bag and head downstairs.

When I walk downstairs, the last thing I expect is to see my dad. Of course, I assumed he would definitely be coming, but it just seems strange seeing him, considering I haven't seen him since the day my mum passed away.

"Hey," I say slowly, and I watch as he turns around and faces me. He looks different than when I last saw him. Although he is wearing a black suit, his face and hair doesn't look smart, really. His hair is just messily falling everywhere, while his beard has grown a lot.

"Hey," my dad replies, sounding just as careful as I did. He doesn't meet my eyes, just looks down at his feet.

"Are you ready to go?" I ask, and my dad nods, before following me out of the house. We're in one of the cars that is following the hearse, so we both get into the back, before the cars pull away.

"Are you okay?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"Yes," my dad replies, and I take the hint by his short replies that he doesn't want to talk, so I look out the window as we head to the church.

My dad didn't really do any of the funeral planning. In fact, he did none at all. A lot of it, luckily, was already sorted, but there were still some decisions that needed to be made.

There are a few family members there when we arrive, all stood around chatting with solemn expressions on their faces. As the car we are in slows down to a stop, more people start arriving, and soon everyone has arrived. I speak to a few people like Jasmine, Blake, Joe, River, Rachel and Olivia before everyone enters the church. The hearse has the six people who I asked to carry the coffin into the church stood around it. It was difficult to decide, as I wanted to choose people who I thought would be physically able to and who wouldn't be crying too much. In the end, I chose Joe and Blake from my family, then four of my mum's closest friends.

And then the coffin is carried into the church. My dad and I walk in after along with Jasmine, as the people carrying the coffin take it in and place it down carefully at the front. Everyone stands as we walk in, before we take our seats at the front.

The church is nearly full, as we made sure that anyone could come if they wanted. A lot of people I don't know, but might have known the events my mum did for the charity and thought that they should be here, which is fine. These people are sat nearer the back, while any close family and friends are sat nearer the front. Everyone sits down when the vicar requests everyone to do so and she leads the prayers that everyone follows. Then a few hymns are sung that I had to choose, before the vicar talks about my mum's life.

And then it comes to the bit that I have been nervous about, the eulogy. I asked my dad if he wanted to do it but he didn't want to, so I asked Jasmine as well, who said that she thinks that either me or my dad did it. Which left it to me. Writing what I was going to say was difficult, I didn't know what to say, I don't know how to word it, so it'll be a mess. It doesn't help that I've already been crying so I'm not sure whether my words will actually come out.