Butterfly

48. The Biggest Risk.

Chapter Forty-Eight: The Biggest Risk.

♡ Jessica Washington ♡

The weekend arrives, and I'm sat in my room revising for my A-levels which seem to be getting closer and closer. I mean, how is it April already? Well, I was revising, but River has the volume of his TV turned up so loud that I can hear it through the closed window, which is quite distracting.

I haven't been ignoring River on purpose, it just so happens that I haven't spoken to him since Monday when he said that he was going to Edinburgh. And I guess I felt that we were always together and that it might be a good idea for us not to constantly be together, because I don't want to suffocate him, but now I'm starting to feel anxious. This is what it'll be like in September, when I'll be in Oxford and he'll be in Edinburgh. We will go longer than this without talking, without seeing each other. And it's making me feel insecure, even though I probably have no reason to be, I'm just overreacting.

I've spent most of my time with Olivia recently, but she didn't really help my anxiety. Bella apparently got really drunk after Marcus left Tyler's house, and she was throwing herself at River, according to Olivia. River, however, hasn't said a word. I assume nothing happened, as I'm sure River would have told me, but I don't know, I'm overthinking everything. 

And I feel bad, for not making more of an effort to speak to him. I should have done, but I haven't had the chance. I haven't been in my English lessons, as they have been doing tours of the school all week for those who are thinking of coming here.

I eventually give up trying to revise, and open my window. River looks up at the sound and turns down the volume of his TV. I'm surprised he could hear my window over the noise when I couldn't even hear myself think over it.

"Hey," River says, and I bite my lip, placing a small smile on my face.

"Do you want to come over?" I offer, and River nods, switching off his TV and making the climb over. River climbs through my window and he sits down on my desk chair, so I jump up and sit on the desk to speak to him.

"What did you want to talk about?" River asks, raising an eyebrow cluelessly.

"Are we okay?" I question, getting straight to the point. River takes my hands in his and runs his thumb slowly across my knuckle.

"Of course we are, Jessica, why?" River asks, frowning. So he hasn't noticed anything, and I can't tell whether this is a good or bad thing.

"It sounds stupid. I just thought that we hadn't talked much, and I know that that is my fault because I've been thinking..." I admit, and River smiles softly, his eyes shining beautifully like the sun reflecting off the sea, almost shimmering.

"It's about university, isn't it?" River guesses, and I sigh.

"Partly, although I might must be thinking too far ahead for that. I was just wondering if we had spent too much time together? I didn't want you to feel like I was clingy or anything, I didn't want to suffocate you," I tell River, honestly. River lifts my hand up to his lips and presses them softly against my hand, sending light tingles up my arm.

"Look, Jessica, whatever pace you want to go at is fine by me. If we're going to fast, just tell me, okay? You're not clingy, or anything like that, stop overthinking and speak to me," River assures me, moving his hands from my hands to rest on my thighs. Well, I feel a lot better knowing what he is thinking, knowing that he is going off what I want entirely, although now I feel like I should be doing something that he wants.