The Darkness in my Mind

47.

The future. Everyone talks about it with such hope and wonder, it's this place that everyone wants to get to, they do everything right, they work their asses off to contribute to a society that does not care about individual happiness. What they don't know is that the future is never going to come, it's a relative term you're never actually going to get there. You live your entire life mindlessly unhappy working with this promise this hope that one day all thus work is going to pay off. But it doesn't you spend your entire life placing your happiness on the possibility of that future, you never actually get it, you just keep going until you die. And what have you done for yourself when that happens? Nothing. Stop for a moment and think. Think about what you did for yourself, to make you happy in that moment. Think of when you haven't made you happiness conditional on something. We don't notice but we all do it. "I'll be happy when I get into university. I'll be happy when I graduate. I'll be happy when I get a job. I'll be happy when I'm married. I'll be happy when I have kids. I'll be happy when I retire. Oh shit I'm dead. Was I ever happy? " It's this endless cycle, I don't understand why we strive for this 'future' this 'success'. Why do we put living on hold? I look around and I see so many unhappy people, people with anxiety and depression, people that are going through the motions and just want to die, people that feel they have to stick to this unofficial script of how life should go. We make so many excuses why we can't deviate from this norm that has been thrust upon us. "Oh I can't take a year off to travel, my parents won't let me, I don't have enough money, I wont be able to go back to school if there is a gap in my education. I can't take a break before medical school, it'll put me at a disadvantage." There are so many reasons so many excuses it is just so hard to stop and be your own person, to actually go out there and be happy. I think one of the biggest problems is that it is not stressed enough, being happy is never seen as important. Growing up you are always asked what you want to be in terms of a profession or career, you are told to get married and be in love with someone else. Why is that what we are telling our children, why is that always the narrative? We should tell our kids to be happy, that they should strive to live life to the fullest, to have good morals and ethics, to be a good person, to help other, to love themselves as who they are, to be independent and to just life and not just go through the motions. We do not place enough emphasis on the things that matter. We have come to a point where nothing matters besides money, not your mental health, not your happiness, not your self-worth, not your morals or ethics. Nothing. It is only money and that is killing us, turning us into zombies, we are no longer living, we no longer notice the joys of life, we are going through the motions just because we have this hope of a tomorrow, of a future.