I have reached a certain level of doneness

HEY, LOOK, I HAVE ISSUES!

Time is moving so quickly tonight.

Just a fewmoments ago, it was one in the morning.

Now it's 3:18.

And the weird thing.

Yesterday couldn't have been s l o w e r . . .

I was so tired, and I just wanted to go to sleep.

I won't let myself go to bed before 12:10.

I never sleep.

I always have a tired feeling.

I always have this feeling.

But then, I lose myself in books.

And now.

It's Three twenty four AM...

Why can't I sleep?

I have to force myself off the computer, in order to sleep.

Yet, I still lay in bed, for what feels like an hour.

Staring into space.

Thinking.

And when I do go to sleep...

I could stay like that.

For hours.

I could get a normal amount of sleep.

But.

It's hard to sleep.

When the smallest thing.

Causes your house to shake, and make loud noises.

I'll stay in bed for a bit, and when I finally drag myself out of bed...

It's already noon.

I've already missed half of a normal person's day.

I don't eat a lot sometimes.

I eat when we have food that I like, or when my parents cook stuff for me and my sisters.

But most of the time.

I'll walk into the kitchen.

Look in the fridge.

Nothing I like is in there.

Cabinets.

Nothing there I like.

So.

I go back to my bedroom.

And drown my hunger out with books.

But, let's look at some of the good things in my life.

It's true, I don't have the best life, but I have to find some good in it.

Angel is a good thing.

My sisters are doing amazing, always active and smiling, playing with their friends, whether in a game or real life, outside on our driveway.

My mom has a great job, and she likes it there. I even get to go there sometimes, and I always check out a new book!

It's Angel's birthday soon, and I get to see her again! And, on top of that, we're going to the cowboy museum I used to love!

My dad has started an online business, and even though it's not all that popular yet, he still makes money from it, and that's a good thing!

All I have is a gift.

My Mom, my Dad, my little sisters, Angel, anyone else I know.

They're all gifts.

And then.

I'm just there.

Feeling slightly left out.

I'm that one white rose that randomly grew in a red rose bush.

I'm that one person who always feels like they stand out from the rest.

I feel like people are always trying to pluck the white rose out.

The white rose has more thorns than any other rose in the bush, and they can penetrate anything.

The white rose refuses to be removed.

So, what did they do?

They picked all the red roses, and put them in a pretty vase inside, where everyone will love them.

And the white rose was left outside.

Alone.

With no one who cares about it.

But, the white rose does have things that care about it.

The daisy that grew under the rose bush.

The small vine creeping up the wall, with small pink flowers blooming from it.

The small patch of light purple flowers growing under it.

They care about the white rose.

They love the white rose.

But...

The white rose often ignores them.

The white rose tries its hardest to turn into a red rose, so it can be pretty, and loved.

Huh?

A person just threw a bunch of plants under the white rose's bush.

A bouquet of dead roses, ugly, shriveled and brown.

Slight hints of red left on some from when they were still beautiful red roses, loved by all.

But now...

They wish they were like the white rose.

Invincible, and seemingly unloved.

Until you think about it.

And the white rose was the only one who was loved in the first place.

The white rose wasn't picked.

The white rose stayed on the bush.

The bush that kept it alive.

Water and other things in a vase can only keep flowers alive for so long.

The white rose was lucky.

The white rose was a gift.

The invincible thorns, and odd color was a gift.

I am a gift.