Sit, Stay, Roll Over ✓

(6.5) Yellow

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I PLACED THE LAST box on the floor and looked around my new bedroom. It wasn't much, but it was something. Day and I broke up a month ago, and so I had to move out because he owned the apartment, and it would be wrong of me to still stay there.

     During the first few weeks of my breakup with him, I had to live with my college friend who was nice enough to let me sleep on his couch. I then got a job as a receptionist at a modeling company, and after a month, I finally got to rent my own apartment.

     My new place was smaller, but for some reason, it still felt bigger now that I'm alone. To be honest, ever since our split, I realized how much of an asshole I was. I knew Day for the longest time. I knew how much he struggled when we were in college, especially since he didn't have his parents anymore. Getting a job and earning money was Day's top priority, and yet, I damned him for it.

     I didn't appreciate him enough, and I wasn't able to understand how tired he has been for always carrying my weight. I was the one who always complained, not Day. I ruined everything for us.

    "I shouldn't be thinking of this anymore," I tell myself as I walked towards an old red box that's on top of an old couch. The moment I saw it, a sad smile instantly appeared on my face. I walked towards the box, taking a deep breath before finally opening it, revealing a wilted bouquet of sunflowers, a teddy bear...and a ring; a ring that had me working overtime for two months.

     These were from our fifth anniversary, and I remember every detail of the night we went out for dinner because that was the beginning of how I started feeling insecure about myself...

     "Did you like the food?" I asked the night we were out on a dinner date. I stared at Day who sat across from me, looking so fucking good in his suit. I couldn't believe that I was dating such a man.

     "I love it, Todd. But are you sure it's okay for us to eat in such a place? We could have just celebrated our anniversary like how we always do," Day then told me, making me laugh because of how genuinely concerned he looked.

     "Oh come on, this is our 5th anniversary and I want to make the day special for us. Besides, I was able to earn a few extra dollars from my job. Let me spoil you a little," I said to him, and Day's face slowly turns red, making him throw the table napkin at me as the two of us giggled like teenagers.

     "By the way..." I reached out for my pocket and grabbed hold of the ring. 

     "I have something to tell you," Day and I suddenly said in unison, quickly making me put the ring back inside my pocket.

     "Oh, you go first," I immediately tell him.

     "Are you sure? You looked like you were—"

     "No, I insist. It wasn't important anyway so you can go ahead. What was it?" I then asked him before awkwardly clearing my throat because of how nervous I felt.

     "Okay, don't get shocked but..."

     "But?"

     "I got promoted! I'm one of the editors in EXRay Media now!" Day excitedly says, and for some reason, at that very moment, my world entirely stopped. I couldn't say anything for a while, but after a couple of seconds, I snapped back out of it and immediately said, "W-wow Day, congratulations! I'm so proud of you. That's really amazing."

     "I can't believe it happened too. I thought I was going to be a fact checker all my life, but our boss said she saw potential in me and finally gave me the position. I've been dreaming about becoming an editor since we graduated, and it's finally happening," Day excitedly says, and I couldn't be prouder. I knew how much he wanted this, but why...why do I feel—

     "Now you don't have to worry Todd," Day then says, making me look back at him with furrowed brows. "You can quit your other job so you don't have to tire yourself anymore."

     "W-wait, what?" I asked, and Day grabs my hand and squeezes it tightly before looking at me with such a serious expression. "I want you to do what you really want to do. I don't want to see you regret anything. I'll support you as much as I can Todd and handle everything, so don't worry about anything else, okay?"

     I couldn't really answer Day that night. For some reason, I felt pathetic. I had the nerve to propose to him despite what I was. I was so confident to settle down with him, but I didn't even have a stable job. I felt like a child; like a boy that my own boyfriend had to babysit. I felt like a complete failure, so ever since that night, I never proposed to him again because I was embarrassed, and at the same time, I was prideful.

     That was the start of it all. That's when I just started feeling like shit that I ended up making Day's life miserable too.

     Our sixth year in the relationship became rocky. We were fighting all the time, bickering at the smallest of things. I became cold and at times heartless. I was a complete bum, and I felt even more terrible because I was blaming it all on Day like the asshole that I was. I pushed my insecurities on him, and I let him go because I was scared that I was never going to be able to reach his level. I was a fool, and I deserve everything that happened.

     "Why did I let you go Day?" I ask myself as I take the ring out of the box, staring at it as our past memories started flashing before my eyes, making a tear fall.

     I wiped my cheeks and looked at the ring for one last time, but as I was about to put it back inside the box, the phone in my back pocket suddenly rings, startling me. I pulled my phone out and saw that the caller was Jason, my college friend who made me sleep on his couch for almost a month. "Hey, Jason, what's up?" I answered.

     "I'm here at the hardware store right now. You asked me to buy you paint for your new apartment right?" He asks, making me remember that I did ask him about it yesterday.

     "Yeah, I remember. So what color did you pick?"

     "Well, there's a dark blue one, and then one that's a bit lighter, like sky-blue. What do you prefer?" Jason asks.

     I looked around the apartment to check what would look best, but when I spot the ring on the box again, I grabbed hold of my chest and told him, "Yellow."

     Jason took a couple of seconds to answer me, almost like he was surprised to hear what I just said. "Yellow? You want yellow? But didn't you like blue more? We were just talking about this the other day."

     "It's fine," I answer, opening my hand to look at the ring again. I stared at it for a while, and then I clenched it in my palm and brought it close to my chest before adding, "Day likes yellow."

END