I took a chance and was left knowing this was right.
I was aware of who he was. I was aware what he was apart of. And finally, I was aware that he was The Jason McCann.
And yet I still wanted nothing more but to feel his lips again.
Why? Because they felt like heaven against my skin. Perfect for me. They felt like they had been crafted for myself to enjoy and take full advantage of and the minute our lips parted the sense of emptiness filled my body and I hated the feeling.
Why was I allowing myself to fall for someone so toxic, most people would think twice just to look at him due to patronising fear. But that fear that I once had was long gone. The fear of the unknown, wondering what he may tell at me for next, or when he may threaten me next. That fear was gone. Now I felt nothing but safety when being in his presence and that was all due to his actions last night.
The way he confessed his true feelings, showed his true emotion, and for me? A random girl he's known for less then a couple months? If that wasn't goals, I don't know what was.
But most importantly, the surprise that he didn't shove me against the car to threaten me to never enter his house ever again or to never show my face around school again. He did the complete opposite.
Jason McCann wanted me in his life. Whether that was temporary affection or not, it felt right. It felt real.
My initial thoughts were to get to my bedroom and call all my friends over to fill them on everything. But then I was reminded of how much they truly hate him and how much they've warned me to keep away from him solely because as they said, 'they didn't want to take away my innocence' whatever that means.
Jason was far from evil. He was far from being that emotionless bully I once knew. He did have feelings and he did have emotions because he wasn't a freaking robot that shut down any sense of emotion or attention. He acted as if he did but now I knew he held a lot of it. He was used to covering it all up.
His only defence mechanism from processing real emotion was to shut people away and make them feel nothing but fear.
But I no longer felt that fear, I was content. As crazy as that sounds.
But what now? I kissed Jason but what did that even mean? He literally told me to stay away from Austin for whatever reason. That would be hardest part.
Because admittedly I liked Jason a whole lot more than Austin. But in my eyes, Austin was such a nice guy and it would be the hardest thing ever to completely cut him and not give him any reason.
And so I wasn't going to.
As usual, I woke up for school looking like a straight up zombie out of The Walking Dead. I then took a long shower solely because I woke up so early I had enough time to do so. I then put my hair in to one of those turban towel things before brushing my teeth and doing my makeup. Waiting for my hair to dry I went in to my closet to pick out an outfit the day.
Consisting of a black pair of high waisted buttoned shorts along with a black off the shoulder long sleeve crop top. I also wore my white converse before straightening my hair once it was dry.
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Once I was finished, I for once was not rushing so I had the time to go downstairs and properly have breakfast which I instantly regretted as my dad came and sat next to me which only meant one thing.
"So how are your grades going? Getting all the A's to become that doctor!" He exclaimed. Oh yeah, my dad had a dream that one of his children grew up to have an aspiring ambition to be a doctor and since my brother was apart of my uncles business and also living in Australia, it meant I had the responsibility to fulfil my dads dreams.
"Of course" I replied as I continued eating my cereal glancing Oder at my mom who was sniggering over in the corner knowing full well that I hated this kind of talk.
"Those friends of yours, they all seem very nice. Good influences. I hope you aren't fooling around with the obnoxiously dramatic crowd like that girl, Rozy?" He continued making me laugh "Roxy" I corrected "And no, I'm not I promise dad" I reassured him making him nod.
"And no boyfriends in the picture right?" Of course he had to add that in.
"Nope, none" I only just made out with Jason McCann outside your house but no, no boyfriends!
He nodded and not wanting this conversation to continue, I was quick to finish of my cereal.
"Will you be home when I get back?" I asked my mom who now stood at the door as I left.
"I might be, I'm not feeling too well so I might just come home early" she shrugged dramatically fanning herself. I always thought my mom would be so good in plays solely because she was so dramatic.
"Okay well feel better! I'll see you later, love you"
As she replied back I turned around before heading to my car. I got in, placing my books and phone on the passenger seat before driving out of the drive way and in the direction towards school.
