Landing In London {Dreams & Bleachers Sequel}

Darling, Let Me Hold You

Ryder's POV

Nicky and I were in the den, both working. I was writing a new song, a love song inspired by non other than my angel, and his struggles. NJ was working on wedding things. He's done a lot of the wedding planning, but I have helped.

As I wrote, I kept coming back to a thought that's been bothering me for a long, long time. I've always ignored it, but now that we're getting married, I don't really have a choice.

"Babe," I said, grabbing his attention. "We haven't really decided who's taking who's last name."

Without missing a beat, he replied, "I want yours."

"You're sure?" I asked. "It is a big choice."

"Yeah, I mean, I already get enough shit for being gay. It'd be nice if I didn't have to hear all the pollock jokes anymore." He nervously laughed, then mumbled. "Plus my parents ruined the Novak family name."

"That doesn't mean they ruined you." I reassured.

Nicky sighed, forcing a smile as he glanced up to me, then looked back at his laptop. There was something else bothering him, and for him not to tell me, it must be pretty bad. He always locks up like this when the topic of his parents come up, especially his father. 

I thought he and his dad patched things up, but I guess I was wrong. He hasn't seen his dad since he left the house in high school. There was a while when he was living in his car and kept it from me, all because he didn't want to go home. That was right after he recovered from his skateboarding accident, and when I found out, I invited him to live at my house. 

He moved into out guest house, no questions asked. At the time, I just assumed his father went back to jail, or he was too much to live with. Looking back, it was something more. I mean, Nicky put up with me when I was still an addict. He has tolerance for people like that, which makes it even more wrong that his father hated him so much. 

"Did your dad return the RSVP?" I asked him.

"No." He responded, not taking him eyes off his computer.

I paused, seeing a lot of pain trapped behind those eyes. "Do you think he will?"

"No, he doesn't care about me," NJ said. "And I honestly stopped holding out for him, but I always promised myself that I'd be the better man, and a good man would look past all the shit he did. He's still my father." 

"He could never have even half the heart that you do. All you've put up with in your life, Babe, you're practically a saint... You, never did tell me what he did." 

"It's in the past now." Nicky sighed, wiping the corner of his eye with the sleeve of my hoodie. He's constantly stealing my hoodies, but I don't care. He told me it makes him feel safe and content, which is all I could ask for. 

"Nicky, sometimes having a past, can define your future, and I can tell, whatever he did, it changed your life, didn't it?" I asked, receiving silence. Lowering my voice and inching closer to him, I asked again. "Didn't it?"

NJ looked away with tears welling up in his eyes. He pushed his laptop off him, setting it on the side table. Then, when he turned to me, all I saw was a broken angel. He opened his mouth to speak, but he couldn't even make out words. 

I wrapped my arms around him as he fell into my chest, crying like a baby. Running my hand down his side and shushing him, I pulled him into my lap. Hope jumped up on the couch, whining because she knew something was wrong. She climbed over me to get to Nicky. 

He laughed a bit as she cried for his pain. "Come here baby." NJ weakly said, to which Hope reciprocated. 

"I'm sorry, Angel. You don't have to tell me. I get it, I have a fucked up family too." I told him.

"Those idiots aren't our family. This, this is our family." He smiled as his shaky hands pet the dog. NJ let out a heavy sigh, glancing up at me with watery eyes, then lowered his head again. "My father molested someone." He muttered. "A... few people. You wanna know the worst part? My mom didn't leave him because he was a rapist. She left him 'cause she was pissed he liked teenage boys better than her."

I laughed at his comment, then it sunk in. "You were only sixteen when he got out."

Nicky closed his eyes tight, whimpering a little. Oh my God, I can't believe I never saw it... He contracted HIV right after his dad got out of prison. My poor baby, my poor poor baby. 

I kissed the top of his head as he cried. "It's alright." I lulled. "I'm here, Honey."