Landing In London {Dreams & Bleachers Sequel}

It's a Long Way Now, to You

Short one, sorry guys. Just wanted to post something, haven't updated in a few days.

NJ's POV 

It came clear to me that something was majorly wrong with me. With the HIV, it could be anything... anything, even cancer. God, don't think that way. Be more positive, more optimistic. 

Optimism; yeah, that's something I could apply to my marriage. Ryder is my best friend, my rock, my lover, my support. I'd be nothing without him, but he's also been my abuser, my nightmares, my fears. If only I could just take the good of him. That's a relationship though. You have to survive the bad to enjoy the good. 

That's the problem with Ryder and I, though. When it's good, it's fucking great, but when it's bad, I'm ready to jump out a ten story high window. Some days I wonder if I hurt him as bad as he hurts me... There's no way I could ever do it without realizing it, could I? Does he even realize when he's hurting me? God, I don't know. I do know if I keep stressing, my headache will get worse, if that's even possible.

Everything is in pain on my body. Ryder knows this and is very gentle whenever he checks on me. He takes care of the kids, keeps them quiet. They don't normally fuss a lot, but they are kids, and they're needy. I love them to death though, and right now, I long to help them and just be a parent. 

We don't know what I have for sure yet, but the doctor said it looks like thrush. He's waiting for the tests to come back to be sure. Obviously he's worried it could be a million things, because he ran what felt like a hundred blood tests on me. 

My door opened as I laid in my pitch black bedroom. It didn't creak, but I knew when I saw any light hit the room. Ryder walked in quietly, leaning over and kissing my forehead. He ran his hand over my hair, crouching down in front of me. 

"Hey, how you feeling?" He softly asked. 

"Like shit." I muttered. 

Ryder snickered a bit, then set his hand on mine. "The doctor just called. He said the tests came back positive for thrush and salmonella poisoning, which I guess you're extra sensitive to with HIV, and it's easy to pick them both up around kids. He said he's ordering in your meds, and I'll go pick them up after dinner, okay?"

I groaned, burring my head in my pillow. "Okay..." I paused, hearing talking downstairs. "Who's in our house?"

He sighed. "Just a friend of mine from work came over to help me watch the kids. I honestly don't get how you can handle them by yourself."

"It's a born talent." I murmured. "It isn't JC, is it?"

Ryder said nothing for a solid thirty seconds. He looked at the ground, obviously ashamed. "I... I had to. He was the only person I knew that was available. All our other friends have to work. Nicky, I promise, him and I were a one time deal."

"You've sent enough flowers for me to know it was, it's just... weird. He was your, mistress, so to speak. It's hard for me to trust him around my kids. I can't argue though, my throat hurts too much."

"I know, Love. He's a good man, outside of what happened. It's like you always told me, we all make mistakes. It's how you fix them that matters." He spoke as he stood back up. Ryder leaned over and kissed my temple. "Get some sleep, Beautiful."