IMPULSE [KiefLy]

Chapter 24

"Nak, can Mommy take you out on a date today?" I asked Karys as I went along with Kuya Allan to fetch her from school.

"Really Mum? Of course of course!" She delightly said. I felt guilty, mukha nga talagang namiss ako ng anak ko.

"Baby, we can shop for toys or clothes for you." I suggested as we reached the nearby mall from her school.

"Gusto ko lang po kumain kasama ka Ma sa Jollibee, pwede po?" Nahihiyang tanong niya.

"Namiss ko 'to Mommy. Eating french fries with gravy and having double order of hot fudge tapos maguunahan po tayo maubos." Natatawang saad niya. I felt a lump in my throat hearing those words from her.

"Baby, sorry if Mommy had been so hard on you these past months. You can keep a secret, diba anak?" Nagtataka man ay tumango pa rin siya.

"Kasi nak, there are bad germs growing in Mommy's brain. I'm sorry if palagi mainit ulo ko at napapagalitan ka, kung.."

She gave me a tight embrace.

"Ma, hindi naman po ako galit sa inyo, nagtatampo lang because you always forget things, but you will be well Ma, di ba po?" I tried to give her a reassuring smile.

"The bad germs kasi baby make me forgetful and short tempered. But I will really try to make it up to you starting today."

"Ma, Daddy is a doctor and he will kill all those bad germs Ma." She said positively.

"Uhm, Karys." She sat up straight then turned at my direction.

"Nak, you can stay and be with your Daddy as much as you want. But starting today things will be different between me and your Dad." Bigla naman nagbago ang kanyang mukha na tila ay nakuha ang sinabi ko.

"Nak, Mommy needed to do it. Di ba nagsisimula pa lang si Daddy sa pagiging Doctor niya? Kasi late niyang natupad mga pangarap niya?" She nod as a response. "Nak, pag nalaman ni Daddy mo na Mommy is sick, he will stop working at ibubuhos niya ang oras niya to take care of me. Ayoko mangyari 'yon, ayoko maging selfish." Nakita ko naman ang mukha niya na puno ng tanong. "Basta baby, don't tell Daddy about Mommy being sick. Can you keep this as our secret?"

She gave me a hug. "If that's what you want Mum, if that means being with you always, then it's a secret." She then offered her pinkie finger to seal the deal with me.

Kumirot ang puso ko sa mga narinig ko. Handa siyang itago ang sikreto ko basta't makakasama niya lang ako lagi.

Pinili kong bumawi sa anak ko sa bawat pagkakataon na meron ako.

I celebrated my 31st birthday with a simple dinner at home, with my family and Raf.

I was scheduled for a routine check up with my neurologist the next day. Ayaw ko man sanang isama si Karys ay wala kaming nagawa ni Raf sa pangungulit niya.

Doctor Saturno ordered for me to undergo yet another CT scan.

"Baby, you stay here outside with Tito Raf." Bilin ko kay Karys.

"Ma, I want to see what they'll do to you. I promise to behave." Paglalambing niya kaya hinayaan ko na rin na sumama siya sa loob kasama si Raf at namalagi sila sa control room.

Thirty minutes pa bago mairelease ang official result kaya niyaya na muna kami ni Raf na kumain sa canteen ng hospital. Habang nagoorder ng pagkain sina Karys at Raf ay parang nakita ko si Kiefer. Ngunit marahil ay namalikmata lang ako.

"Ly, I'm afraid we need to perform surgery sooner or later. We have poor prognosis on this. Lumaki in size yung ibang tumor based on the CT scan."

Hanggang sa umuwi ay paulit ulit sa utak ko ang sinabi ng doctor.

Pinalipas ko pa ang ilang linggo bago tuluyang magdesisyon. Ilang beses pa ako inatake ng sakit ng ulo, muscles weakness, loss of smell,  blurring of vision at maging seizure episodes. At halos sa lahat ng pagkakataon na iyon ay nasaksihan ni Karys.

Ngunit imbes na matakot at panghinaan ay siya pa mismo ang laging nasa tabi ko para alagaan ako. She would anticipate and tend my needs. At siya pa ang unang nakaisip na dapat raw ay lagi namin vinivideo ang mga sarili namin para pagdating ng panahon ay marami kaming babalikan na masasayang alaala.

Mid-August, I had decided to tell my friends about my illness. And I had decided to resign from work.

Bago pa man mahuli ang lahat ang importante ay may gagawin ako, hindi man garantisado na magiging matagumpay ang lahat ay may iba pa namang pagpipilian pagkatapos.

After my morning shift that day, I decided to go to the Nursing Service Office to personally submit my resignation letter.

"Besh, are you sure you'll be okay?" Puno ng pagaalala ni Ella.

"Oo nga besh mabilis lang to. Susunduin naman ako ni Kuya Allan. Huwag na mag worry, okay?" Paniniguro ko kay Ella.

Aalis na sana ako ng ward nang makasalubong ko si Chye.

"Girl, samahan na kita sa taas. Idadaan ko lang tong mga logbooks." Sabi ni Chye at tatakbo na sana patungo sa Nurse's station.
"Okay lang talaga ako Chye. Sige na rereceive ka pa endorsement di ba?" Sagot ko sa kanya at saka siya pinagtulakan patungo sa loob.

"Sure ka talaga ha?" Her face asking for reassurance.

"Ay ang kulit. Yes Ma'am." Biro ko sa kanya sabay ngiti.

Umakyat ako ng third floor. Gamay ko naman ang katawan ko kaya alam kong kakayanin ko mag-isa.

Agad ako tumungo sa opisina ng Hospital Director.

(See Prologue...)

xxxxxxxxx