IMPULSE [KiefLy]

Chapter 7

And as what people would often say, sex is indeed addicting. Once you pop, you can't stop ika nga. Pag natikman mo na ay hahanap-hanapin na ito ng katawan mo.

Hindi ko mabilang kung ikang beses na may nangyari sa amin ni Kiefer. At sa lahat ng pagkakataong iyon ay alam kong walang feelings na na-involve. It was all pure sex, of carnal desires. In Kiefer's part, that was the case. Mine was the exact opposite. Fuck buddies, bed warmers of each other, whatever you may call it, but I chose not to put label on it. What I certainly knew was that Kiefer and I had the best understanding while on bed. Our bodies were in sync each time we did the act.

The plan of rebuilding myself had been forgotten. Worse, ay mas lalo ko pang ibinaba at inilugmok ang sarili ko. I knew that I always had a choice to get out of the situation but those damn feelings made me stay.

I knew I was only there for Kiefer's convenience. All the times when he needed a tutor to his lessons, when he needed a date for his office event, when he needed a drink buddy, and most of all someone when needed to satisfy his sexual desires.

I was all that. And I gave in to those requests and demands knowing that those times would mean being with Kiefer. Call me desperate.

When Kiefer asked me to perform fellatio on him, I was very hesitant at first. I was not comfortable doing it. But in return he'd do cunnilungus on me, so I obliged everytime for his satisfaction. I fully submitted myself to him, to gratify his manly needs.

Kiefer wanted to practice the coitus interruptus method. Thinking it was the most satisfying yet safest way. But not all written in medical books are effective and applicable in life.

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"Ly, busy ka ba? Pa favor naman ako please?" Chye squealed as she approched me.

"Keri lang, bakit? Anong meron?" Pagtataka ko.

"Pa inject naman ng buscopan sakin girl, dine dysmenorrhea ako ng malala eh."

"Adik mo teh. Dali na magrorounds pa ako for meds eh."

Nang matapos kong injectionan si Chye ay bigla akong nakaramdam ng pangamba. I suddenly remembered that I was supposed to have my monthly period two weeks ago. But I did not bother to think about it. I was busy with work cause our batch was nearly done with our three months volunteer training. I had to double time to cover up my absences plus I had to complete another three-day training for an intravenous license.

Simula April ay naging madalang na rin kaming magkita ni Kiefer. Pareho kaming naging abala.

Despedida party came for us, volunteer trainees. We had various kinds of food na hindi naman bago sa mata ko.

"Hui girl, bakit di ka nakain?" Kalabit sa akin ni Karen, isa sa kasamahan ko.

"Sige lang, mamaya na ako." Sabi ko sa kanya. Ngunit ang totoo ay nahihilo at naduduwal ako sa amoy ng ulam na hindi ko matukoy. Marahil ay sumama lang talaga ang sikmura ko.

"Hui Alyssa. Tulala ka girl." p
Pukaw sa akin ni Chye.

"May iniisip lang, tulala agad?"

"Umamin ka nga, buntis ka ba Ly? Bakit parang nagka puson ka eh hindi ka naman tabain ah." Pabulong niyang sabi sa akin.

Pinilit kong itago ang kaba na dulot ng sabi ni Chye.

"Ang baliw mo. Gusto mo sa psychiatric ward ka after mo dito?" Pilit kong biro sa kanya.

"Puno na dun girl, naka reserve na kay Alyssa Valdez ung last cell eh." Sabay halakhak niyang sagot sa akin.

"Che! Bahala ka nga diyan. Balik na ako sa station. Mamaya na ako kakain." Paalam ko kay Chye.

Wala sa sarili kong pinagpatuloy ang duty ko ng araw na yun. I was distracted, scared of the endless possibilities.

Bago umuwi ay napag pasiyahan kong dumaan sa botika upang bumili ng pregnancy kit. I can't prolong my agony.

The moment I arrived home, I immediately prepared for the test. It was the longest five minutes of my life..

As soon I checked the the test and control window of the kit, I saw two parallel lines. Nanghina ako sa nasaksihan, mabuti na lang ay napa kapit ako sa lababo ng banyo. Ilang beses pa akong kumurap, nanalangin na baka mali lang ang una kong nakita. Ngunit wala namang nagbago. Gaga Alyssa, buntis ka nga! Paulit ulit na takbo sa isipan ko.

I tried calling Kiefer to break the news but he would reject my calls. So I had no other option but to inform him through text message. Lumipas ang ilang oras na wala akong nakuhang sagot mula sa kanya. Fear and panic enveloped my whole system. I can't get through this all alone.

Spilling the beans to Kiefer personally was the best thing to do. But I wanted to be so sure before confronting him. I went to an ob-gyne clinic to have an ultrasound. While looking at the monitor, there I saw a life that I was carrying. I had mixed emotions upon that sight.

I asked for a hard copy of the ultrasound and headed straight to Kiefer's place.

I rang the door bell twice before a middle-aged woman opened the gate. I politely asked if Kiefer was around, she asked me then who I was so I plainly introduced myself as Alyssa.

Upon hearing my name, the woman had sudden change of facial expression and mood.

"So ikaw pala si Alyssa!" Basag niya pagkatapos ng ilang minuto.

"Opo ako nga po. Nariyan po ba si Kiefer?" I asked in a very calm manner.

"Matagal na siyang hindi dito nakatira. Sige iha at busy pa ako." Sabay sara niya ng gate.

Nasaan si Kiefer? Saang lupalop ko siya simulang hahanapin? Pinagtataguan na ba niya ako nang matanggap niya ang mensahe ko? Hindi ko na siya makontak sa dati niyang numero. Paano ko mahahanap ang taong ayaw naman magpakita?!

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