IMPULSE [KiefLy]

Chapter 9

I think the rain sympathized with me that day. I was all soaked as I reached my car. My tears fell non stop. I tried to pacify myself but Kiefer's words kept replaying on my mind.

Guess luck seemed so aloof on me that day. I was looking for the ultrasound film but what was left with me was only the white paper, the ultrasound report and findings.

Hinawakan ko ang aking tiyan. But flashes of the future invaded my imagination. How my parents would be devastated and disappointed; how I could even survive this all alone and how rumors will spread like wildfire.

Ginawa mo lahat ng yan, untag ko sa aking sarili.

The moment I arrived home, I saw my parents on the patio. They seemed to be in a serious talk with two guys. I scratched my eyes vigorously, I can't be wrong, the other guy was Kiefer. What the hell is happening?!

As soon as I stepped out of the car, my Mom called my attention. So I had no choice but to approach them.

My Dad pointed out on the empty chair, kaya doon ako naupo, kaharap ni Kiefer. I had so many questions in my mind but Kiefer just would not look at my direction.

Tumikhim ang lalakeng nasa tabi ni Kiefer kaya napaangat ako ng tingin sa kanya.

"Iha, ako nga pala si Bong, tatay ni Kiefer." I nodded.

"Pasensya ka na pala sa mga kalokohan netong anak ko ha. Pero sa tingin ko hindi naman tama na ipaako mo sa kanya ang dinadala mo kung hindi naman siya ang ama."

Napantig ang tenga ko sa mga narinig ko. I wanted to protest but my mouth seemed so lost for words, my body seemed paralyzed.I tried reading my parents' reaction but they were too quiet, observing, waiting for another bomb to explode.

I wanted to faint, to disappear, to escape that moment.

I gathered all my strength, stoop up and ran towards the staircase. I had too much for the day.

I locked myself in my bedroom and cried myself to sleep. The pain and stress were too much to take.

The sound of my phone woke me up. There were tons of missed calls and a text message, all of them from an unknown number.

From: 09179876543

Ly, this is Kiefer. I am so sorry for everything. May mga bagay na hindi ko kontrolado kaya nauwi sa mga maling decision. I am so sorry.

I did not bother to reply. Wala rin namang magbabago.

I heard a knock on the door followed by my Mom's voice. "Ly?? Papasok ako, okay?"

Tinakbo ko ang distansya sa pagitan ng aking ina at niyakap siya ng mahigpit. Sa likod pala niya ay nakasunod naman si Daddy.

"I'm so sorry Ma, Dad, I'm such a failure and disappointment. I am a disgrace of this family." I said in between sobs.

Pinatahan ako ni Mommy at dinala para maupo sa kama. Patuloy na hinagod ni Mommy ang likod ko kaya mas lalo akong napayakap. Nang biglang binasag ni Daddy ang katahimikan.

"Ly, san ba kami nagkulang sayo? Bakit nahantong sa ganito?" Pain was evident in his voice.

I stood up and got the paper from my bag. Then I hugged my dad from the back. Itakwil man nila ako ay atleast nayakap ko siya, silang parehas sa huling pagkakataon.
Kumalas ang aking ama sa yakap ko, napasinghap siya ng malalim nang mabasa ang nakasaad sa papel. Nakita kong ikinuyom nya ang kanyang kamao kaya biglang napasugod si Mommy sa kanya.

I saw pain, disappointment and fear in their eyes. What have I fucking done.

Napasalampak na lamang ako sa sahig dahil sa halo halong emosyon. Mas gusto kong saktan nila ako ng pisikal, pagsalitaan ng masasakit kaysa iyong tahimik sila at hindi ko mawari kung ano ang nasa isip nila.

My Dad pulled me up to stand, they both enveloped me into a tight hug. I kept on saying my apologies to them but they hushed me. "We'll get through this anak. Andito kami para sayo. Tahan na." Sabi ng Daddy.

The uncoditional and sacrificial love from them gave me the strength to keep going. All my fears and second thoughts regarding my pregnancy slowly vanished.

Matapang kong haharapin ang lahat ng ito.

They decided that we should be staying in Batangas until I would give birth. Doon ay sariwa ang hangin, malayo sa gulo at hindi ako masyadong maiistress.

Hindi na rin ako nakipagtalo at umayon na lang sa kanilang kagustuhan. Binigyan nila ako ng sapat na oras para asikasuhin ang mga kailangan ko bago tuluyang umalis ng Maynila.

I went to the administration office to claim my training certificate and other needed papers. Kakailanganin ko iyon para makapagapply ng trabaho sa Batangas. Ayaw ko naman iasa ang lahat sa mga magulang ko. 

Nakasalubong ko pa ang mga dati kong kasamahan sa gusali ngunit hindi na ako nakipag chikahan ng matagal. Baka mahalata pa nila na nagdadalang tao ako.

Naglalakad na ako patungong parking lot nang maramdam kong may nakasunod sa aking likuran.

Akmang bubuksan ko na sana ang pintuan ng kotse nang may kamay na pumigil sa akin.

Nag angat ako ng tingin at laking gulat ko na si Tita Juliet pala iyon ni Kiefer. Hindi ako nagpatinag o nagpasindak. Sa pagkakaalam ko wala akong dapat na katakutan.

She held me on my elbow. I looked at her and asked what she needed from me.

"Ly, may alam akong clinic. Sasamahan kita doon kung gusto mo." Bungad niya sa akin. Naguluhan ako sa mga sinabi niya, akala ko pa naman ay nagbago ang ihip ng hangin.

"Bakit pa po? Hindi na po ako naghahabol. Pasensya na po sa lahat." Sagot ko sa kanya.

"Para nga tuluyan nang maputol ang ugnayan niyo ni Kiefer, aalisin natin yan." Suhestyon niya na tila ba hindi buhay ng bata ang pinaguusapan.

Should I even consider abortion as an option?

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