We Are Divergent

Chapter Sixteen

We walked back to our apartment hand in hand, still grinning from our game of capture the flag. It was equally as fun as the first time. Hopefully every year we will get a team as great as the one we had tonight. I really like some of the initiates, and I wish Tobias wasn’t right when he said it’s not good for me to get close to them. I know he’s partially correct, because bad things could happen, but I still want to believe it could work. It’s better to love and lose than to have never loved at all. Maybe if they all make it safely through initiation I can become more than just an instructor to some of them. That is, if they aren’t terrified or hateful of Four or me.

“So what are we doing with them tomorrow?” I asked, walking into our apartment as he held the door open for me.

“I think gun work for a little… Since I saw some things tonight that were lacking skill.” I nodded in agreement. “Then maybe we should practice more fighting until Monday? We could also let them know their ranks.”

We decided we would only show them their ranks once before the end, so that they could improve if they see they are doing bad, but also to limit the bloodthirsty competitiveness that happened last year. We don’t want any more eyeball stabbing or anybody almost getting thrown into the chasm again for being in first place.

“That sounds good.” I said, taking off my jacket and boots. “I haven’t seen Caleb in awhile…”

I wonder if he misses his mom, Evelyn. I know they didn’t get along sometimes, partially because she is stubborn and practically tried to force our entire city to be factionless. It’s not that I opposed getting rid of factions, obviously that’s something I want eventually, but she was acting like the leader of a huge empire. We were trying to get away from totalitarianism-like leaders like Jeanine, not back to it.

“We could visit him soon… if you’d like that?” He said stiffly. I know how he feels about Caleb. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought him up.

The thing is I don’t know if I would like that… I still haven’t gotten over my qualm with him. I know it’s mostly just me, but I can’t seem to forget about him betraying me. I was locked in a room being poked and prodded while he helped. I was in line for my execution and he knew. He was the only family I had left. I know he eventually helped me out of there, but I can’t overlook what he did. Maybe my outlook on it is impaired, but I know I’m not ready to forgive him.

“I don’t think I would like that… just yet.” I said quietly. He’s sitting on the front of the bed, so I walked over to him and he placed his hands on my hips, looking up at me. “Did you have fun tonight?” I asked.

“I had so much fun. I think the initiates are getting too comfortable around me,” He said jokingly. “I need to be scarier.”

I laughed. “You are plenty scary.”

“I think it’s your fault, Tris. You make me too happy and your presence makes me calm. Stop bringing out the good in me, damn it!” He exclaimed, kissing my stomach.

I snorted. “Well I guess I’ll just leave then… That way you can go back to being lame!” I pretended to pull away but he pulled me back into his arms.

I screamed quietly and ducked out of his embrace. I squealed as he started chasing me. He’s faster than me, so the anticipation of him right behind me made my stomach curl. I leaped onto the bed and threw the blanket over me. He whipped it back and started tickling me.

“I HATE BEING TICKLED STOP!” I said, smacking him in the chest.

He collapsed on his side, lying next to me. I looked up at the ceiling on my back, smiling. I can see him staring at me in my peripheral vision.

“I don’t mean that though,” He said seriously. “I’d rather be a pansycake any day than not be with you.”

I giggled and smiled even wider, if that’s even possible. “What’s your obsession with being scary? You had so many walls up when I met you, and trust me, I know why that could be necessary, but you don’t need to do that anymore. You have nothing to be afraid of.”

“I know that I don’t. It’s just hard to change the way I have been since… I was little.”

I picture of a young Tobias cowering away from his father flashed through my mind and I tried not to glare at the ceiling. Instead I turned on my side, looking in his steady eyes as I traced my fingers lightly across his cheek bones, slowly down his neck to his collar bone. I clutched his shirt in my hand and pulled him forward for a kiss. His strong hands found the small of my back and pressed my body closer to his. The fire that I feel every time we kiss ignited in my body, and I wrapped my arm around his neck. His lips parted mine and I was engulfed with his sweet taste as his tongue battled with mine. I tugged at his shirt, wanting to feel more of his skin and he took it off quickly before returning his lips back to mine.

He rolled over on top of me, pressing his body lightly over me. My hands wandered to his shoulders, back, and stomach. He kissed my cheeks, and started feverishly kissing my neck, giving me a moment to catch my breath until I pulled his face back up to mine. His hands traveled from my hair to my stomach, lightly touching the skin under my shirt. My hand moved down his stomach to clutch his belt buckle… Part of me knows what I am doing is probably getting him too excited, but honestly I don’t care. I’m too wound up myself.

He started to lift up my shirt but then he stopped, pulling back. “Sorry,” He mumbled. I tore my eyes away from his lips to meet his gaze.

“Why?”

“Uh, um.” He hesitated. “Because, I shouldn’t be doing this to you.”

I laughed.

“What?” He questioned looking confused. He started to get off of me and I pulled him back down by locking my arms around him.

“I’m the one who tried taking off your clothes first.”

“I know…but-“

I cut him off by pressing my lips to his.

“Tris,” He murmured against my mouth, pulling back yet again. “What are you doing?”

I slowly took off my shirt, watching him hesitantly, somewhat embarrassed now. I tried not to look uncertain because I know he will object. I’m fearless being with him this way this time. I’m brave, like he always tells me, and I want him.

“It’s ok. I want to. I’ve always wanted to, but I’m ready now.”

He smiled lovingly at me, kissing me slowly. Our hands curiously traveled each other’s bodies, stripping down the last few layers between us in the rapidity of this newfound pleasure. He pulled back once more and I groaned, looking at him, slightly annoyed.

“I love you,” He told me.

I smiled as my heart clutched at his words. “I know,”

He tried kissing me again but I put a put a hand over his mouth. “I lo-“

“I know,” He said, rolling his eyes and smiling as he copied my words.