We Are Divergent

Chapter Seventeen

I woke up feeling well rested and content. I’m snuggled into Tobias’ side… naked. The previous nights events all came back into my mind and I blushed, even though his eyes are still closed and he can’t see me. I can’t believe that we made love. Christina was right. It wasn’t scary. It was actually quite perfect. In some odd way, I feel entirely connected to him. Like some cable that already tethered us to one another got stronger. He has always been mine, but now he is mine in one of the most special ways humanly possible. I didn’t know it was possible to love somebody this much. I wonder how awkward things will be today…

I quietly peeled the blanket off of me, placing it on him and got out of bed. I glanced at the alarm clock. 7 am. We have a whole hour until we need to be down in the training room. I quickly tip toed over to the bathroom, feeling awkward being totally exposed even though no one is here except Tobias, and he’s sleeping. I showered a little longer than necessary, letting me skin absorb the steaming hot water. My body is a little sore from last night, but I think that’s expected. When I got out I wrapped a towel around myself and slowly walked out. I didn’t bring any clothes in… I don’t see him anywhere. He must’ve woken while I was in the shower and went to get breakfast. I dropped my towel onto the floor and rummaged through my drawers for a good outfit for training today.

“I got us breakfast,”

I jumped, cursing. Oh god. I looked over my shoulder quickly, blushing and turning away from him, trying to hide myself. It’s an involuntary reaction, and I felt kind of bad immediately after, but all of this is still a little hard for me.

“Tris?” He asked, sounding hurt.

I hid my face in my hands, annoyed at myself, still turned away from him. I know this is dumb considering we had sex last night, but I can’t help but be a little embarrassed… I know he loves me and says I’m “sexy”, but that doesn’t change the fact that I have tiny curves and it’s awkward for him to see me in a more direct light. I felt his breath on my neck behind me.

“Are you going to do this again?”

“Sorry,” I mumbled.

He sighed. “May I remind you that I’ve seen you naked already?  And you are… so beautiful.” He told me, his voice thick with emotion.

I pursed my lips, speculating what to do. “Would you like me to leave while you get dressed?” He said eventually.

“No,” I replied quickly. I took a deep breath and slowly turned around, reminding myself that I’ve already faced this fear. I pressed my face into his chest, talking through his shirt. “It was an involuntary reaction. It may take me awhile to get used to… this.”

He wrapped his arms around my waist. “Okay, I understand. I just want to make sure you don’t regret doing anything. I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything from this point on just because we’ve overcome one obstacle.”

“I don’t regret a thing. Everything I do, I do because I want to. That was one of the best nights of my life. I love you… so much Tobias.”

He pulled me back to look me in the eyes, grinning hugely. “Really? I was worried it was bad for you… I’m just as inexperienced at all of that as you are you know. And I love you too.”

I rolled my eyes. He’s far from inexperienced… He let me go and walked to the table, grabbed a muffin and plopped on the couch. He didn’t raise his eyes once or look at me as I got dressed, but I told myself that it honestly wouldn’t have mattered if he did. I ate my breakfast on our way to the training room.

“I’m going to share with them their ranks first I guess…” He said as he set up guns on a table. I finished my breakfast and walked over to help him.

“I’m nervous about that…”

He looked up. “About what?”

I placed the last gun on the table and then sat on the end, my legs dangling off. “Telling them… Last year Edward lost an eye. And I almost got killed, or raped. There’s so much competition between some of them, which can be a good thing, but some people take it too seriously. Nobody becomes factionless anymore unless they want to or unless we kick them out for a certain reason, so I don’t see why we are going to share it with them. If they don’t belong here they get a chance to go to where they really fit in, so nobody should be freaked out about having a low rank unexpectedly. The only thing the ranks are important for anymore are deciding what you are able to become once you are fully Dauntless.”

He walked over to me and placed his hands on my waist, looking off in contemplation. I don’t know what he will say. Maybe he doesn’t want to change anything else… he’s already changed so much. I don’t want to get him mad; he technically has full say over it all because he has been doing this sort of thing much longer.

“You’re right,”

“Are you sure?” I asked, shocked. “You don’t need to change things just because of me… If you think it’s only fair to tell them, then we can.”

“No. We’ve been more than fair with them this time around. They have many more opportunities than any initiates have ever had, and you make a good point. We shouldn’t give them reasons to be brutally competitive. I wish things could’ve been this way when you were an initiate.”

I nodded, thinking about the day when he walked out as Peter knocked me out. I was furious, because I thought he had walked out simply because my fighting wasn’t entertaining enough, but it turned out that he couldn’t bear watching me be hit. “Well if things were different then, we might not have come together.”

The first time we started really talking was after I had almost been thrown over the chasm by Peter, Al, and Drew. He saved me from them and brought me to his apartment and I fell asleep in his bed. “I don’t believe that. I would’ve found an excuse to talk to you.”

I smiled. He walked across the large open room and took a piece of paper from his back pocket, ripping it into shreds before throwing it out. A few initiates started to gather in, chatting mildly. I stared at Tobias’ muscular arms distractedly as he started answering some of the initiates questions. I started thinking about last night as I stared at him. Christina is going to want to know… Oh man, how am I going to tell her without dying of embarrassment? She is going to want to know details and I want to keep our intimacy private, but at the same time I want to talk to somebody about it. Tobias turned to me and said something. I smiled back at him sheepishly, hoping he couldn’t tell where my mind was.

“Tris?” I heard him say. I blinked, snapping out of my reverie. “Tris? Can you hear me?” He asked again.

Apparently he had been trying to get my attention. I tried not to blush and I jumped, more like stumbled, off of the table and walked over to everybody. He smiled amusingly, raising one perfect eyebrow. “Yes?”

“We’re going to start shooting,”

“Okay,” I answered, looking around at everybody.