Playing for Rya

5. Full Circle

Song: She used to be mine by Sara Bareilles

She looked almost exactly the same. Her long dark hair, her eyes, her body with it's curves and beautiful creamy white skin...

The only difference was in the way she held herself, although intangible and virtually imperceptible, in the few moments that his eyes had met hers and he'd recognized her, he'd noticed the difference almost immediately.

She seemed more worldly now, more aware.

After getting over the initial shock of seeing her in his hospital, he'd logged into the hospital's database as soon as he'd gotten into his vehicle, to retrieve the staff information of the first years, it hadn't taken him long to zero in on the file labelled, Arya Arabella Cassidy.

Most of the information contained within wasn't news to him, he'd been aware of her identity for years, had checked in on her from time to time, had known when she graduated high school the year following their illicit summer tryst, and had kept up with her and her course work in the University, up until her third year.

Everything about her had been normal enough, she'd been a normal high school teenager with perfect grades who'd done equally well in the University, as far as he knew.

She had no history of unorthodox behavior, she didn't hang out with the wrong crowd, didn't date much or exhibit any abnormal sexual tendencies, there'd been nothing out of the ordinary to indicate why she'd seemingly eased into his lifestyle as easily as she had.

Yet she had. At fucking sixteen.

The things he'd done with her, to her...

He remembered the day the private detective he'd hired to look for her had delivered the answers he'd been seeking in the months after she'd disappeared from his life, her mobile line disconnected, and her family in Jersey saying they didn't know of any Arabella who'd graduated from the University of Boston.

He'd become painfully aware of how little he knew about her, in that moment.

But as he dug into her life, he'd discovered that his Arabella was a sixteen year old, high school student, Arya Cassidy, who lived in New York with her parents.

He hadn't believed it, but then he'd gone to her school and watched her get picked up by her parents time and again. Her routine was the same; school, home, and the occasional hangout with friends.

His Arabella, the woman he'd fallen for was this teenage girl who seemed to have just...returned to her life, her real life.

Leaving him with questions, and the dull fucking ache in his chest.

***

'Have a seat, Arabella,' he said, calling her by the name she'd given him. He didn't want there to be any misconceptions about what this was about. He wanted answers, and it was time she gave them to him.

She squeezed her eyes shut and released a breath before taking one of the seats directly across from him.

They gazed silently across the table at each other for several beats and then she seemed to catch herself and look away.

'You left without saying goodbye.' He said simply.

She winced at the hard, flat tone of his voice and the steel in his gaze.

'Yes,' she responded quietly, 'I'm sorry,' She was quiet for a few seconds before she looked up and met his eyes, 'I was much younger...I wasn't ready for what we had,' she shifted nervously, 'I didn't know what to say to you, what reasons to give you for leaving.'

He was quiet for an uncomfortable stretch of time, 'Derek..'

'Because you were sixteen.' he said finally.

A small breath whooshed out of her lips as she stared back at him in surprise, 'How do you...I never told you that.'

'I looked into you,' he said as he stood and strode to the glass wall in his office, he briefly stared out at the view before turning back to her. 'I looked into you, after weeks went by and I still couldn't reach you, after I visited your aunt and uncle in Jersey but they seemed confused and didn't know of any Arabella who'd attended Boston University.'

'Derek...'

'I looked into you, because I was worried that something had happened to the woman that I loved.'

Rya squeezed her eyes shut and sighed, 'I am so sorry Derek, I don't know what to say...'

'Why didn't you tell me you were sixteen?' he asked

Her eyes flew open in surprise, 'because you would probably have ended what we had immediately and I didn't want that. I wanted...' her voice trailed off and she shook her head.

'What did you want Arabella?' He asked quietly.

She shook her head and blinked back the tears that pricked at her eyes.

'What did you want?' he repeated adamantly.

She sighed and stood as well, 'I wanted more time with you, I wanted to spend every moment I could with you until I had to return to...' again, her voice trailed off as she caught herself.

'To school.' He finished

She nodded and leaned against his desk as he turned back to face the glass wall.

'I told you I loved you,' he said quietly moments later, 'at first I thought that was why you'd left.'

'It was part of why,' she said, her voice equally quiet, 'other than the fact that I had to leave, I mean.'

'I see,' he said.

But something in his voice caught her attention.

'No,' she sighed, 'you don't. I knew that I'd grown feelings for you too.'

He turned to her as she continued softly, 'I was also in love with you Derek.'

His eyes searched hers from where he stood and for a brief moment she saw his eyes expression soften before the steel wall came back up and he looked away.

He nodded curtly, 'I shouldn't keep you from your duties any longer.' He said.

She stared back at him, wishing that there was something more she could say to make things better between them. Eventually she nodded and headed towards the door, her hand on the door handle when his voice stilled her movements.

'You were my weakness Arabella. I would not have been able to let you go, regardless.'

A/N: I published a short holiday story titled Under the mistletoe. You should check it out, that story will come in handy as we move forward with this one.

Expect another update this week...