Playing for Rya

46. Full Circle II

Song: Elastic Heart by Sia; cover by Madilyn Bailey and KHS.

He had the worst luck with women.

The thought ran through Will's mind as he gazed down at the sleeping form of the beautiful woman in the hospital bed. For the last several weeks he'd found himself thinking the same thoughts each time he came in to check on her.

She was more gorgeous than he remembered, even dressed in a hospital gown and recovering from a gruesome accident. A fact which, he kept telling himself, had nothing to do with why he had spent every spare moment he'd had, for the past month, at her bedside.

Just as before, he enjoyed the chats they had. The banter between them was just as easy and her tongue as sharp and witty as he remembered. And for the second time in his life, he found himself torn by the feelings her presence dredged up. The same feelings he had secretly harbored in the weeks before Raven's death, and which he had fought against with every fiber of his being.

And now, once again, she was here, at a time when the woman whom he had thought he could spend the rest of his life with had left him.

The parallels weren't lost on him. Once again, they were both in the same place; both scarred by someone they had loved and lost, and both in need of healing. Her more than him this time.

He distinctly remembered how they had dealt with a somewhat similar situation in the past, and for the umpteenth time since they'd been reunited, he fought back the stirring in his groin and the guilt he felt for allowing his mind to go there.

He didn't believe in coincidences, and even less so now. Life had to have brought them together again for one of two reasons; either to play a cruel game on the two of them or to remind them of the promise they had made to Raven almost eight years ago.

It was a moment he would never forget, could never forget; promising himself to another while the love of his life faded away on her deathbed. The memory was as vivid as though it had happened yesterday, made even more so by the fact that he was in a hospital room similar to the one Raven had called home in the last few weeks of her life.

Lost in thought, he was transported to a time in memory, where the sound of hospital monitors beeping was the only thing that broke the silence in the quiet hospital room as he sat beside Raven's bed, wracked by guilt as he watched her sleep.

She'd seemed so calm and peaceful and he remembered thinking that even with all her gorgeous auburn hair gone and the cancer continuing to eat away at her, she still was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. It never mattered where she was or what she was doing, all he saw, all he had ever seen from the moment he had laid eyes on her was the light that radiated from within her and shone through her eyes, her big bright smile, her infectious laugh. She was beautiful inside and out and it was that beauty that had captivated him and which continued to do the same with the people who came into contact with her. Everyone loved Raven.

Usually it was enough for him to sit there and watch her, but that afternoon as he sat quietly with her, all he had felt was guilt as he berated himself for the depths to which he had sunk.

Beverly's absence by her best friend's side that Saturday afternoon was as conspicuous as the absence of the moon on a dark night. There was no doubt in his mind that he was the reason she was not there when usually, they would both arrive early and sit and quietly discuss between themselves until Raven woke from her nap and joined their discussion. Somehow he had known that morning, when he had woken up in his bed and seen the empty space beside him, that Bev wouldn't be at the hospital that afternoon.

It had been months since he'd been with a woman, and almost two years since he'd been with anyone other than Raven. And as much as he wanted to regret that night, he didn't, A fact which made him feel even worse, and which made up a large chunk of the guilt he felt.