Cardiac Arrest (Ereri/Riren AU) (Death Note AU) (L!Levi x Kira!Eren) (COMPLETED)

Guess Who

Eren

Thanks for taking down this chapter, W. Not like I was trying to keep a schedule for once in my life.

"So your teacher suspects you of being Kira?" Dustin asked from over the phone, "That's pretty fucking crazy. You've gotten in quite a lot of fights in the past, but you'd never actually kill anyone. Plus, you're way too selfish to be Kira. You'd probably become rich and famous using that shit."

"Exactly! And he had the nerve to say he was L too! His name is Robert Downey Jr.!" I exclaimed.

"Oh shit, ask that hoe for Tom Holland's phone number," Dustin laughed.

"Why the hell would I let you have Tom? You can have Andrew Garfield."

"What does your teacher look like? Bet I can give you all of their measurements."

"You can do that for guys too?"  I asked.

"Of course. How dare you underestimate my abilities!"

I rolled my eyes, sending Dustin the picture I snapped while Mr. Downey was occupied.

"Oh shit dude, he's edgy as fuck. Who the hell has an undercut? Is that some... French I spy? Oh hon hon hon, looks like Mr. L is packing. I smell a hint of Japanese too. How spicy. Do you think he's into noodle play?"

"Dustin, what the fuck?"

"Eren, your teacher is packing a fucking porterhouse steak up in this bitch. Obviously it's not as big as some twelve year old writing a goddamn fan fiction would say, but I'd say that the girth to length ratio is quite nice, not as nice as yours or mine of course, but that's still some top shelf dick. He looks about twenty-six too. Mmm. Some experience. Ooh la la. Do you think he'd be up for a threesome?"

I could basically hear Dustin drooling, "D, I'm not gonna fuck my teacher. It's unethical and gross."

"When the hell have you cared about ethics?! At least just the tip, Er, at least just the tip."

"HE FUCKING SUSPECTS ME OF BEING KIRA!"

"Oh. You have a point there. After having sex with you, he'd probably suspect you more."

"And why is that, Dustin?"

"Because you're a fucking sex god."

"Get out."

"But this is a phone conversation, Ereeeeeeen."

I heard something messing with my lock. I quieted my tone, "Dustin, I have to go."

"This is kind of sudden. Can I ask why?"

"No. Goodbye."

"Er-"

I hung up the phone and hid it in my underwear. Hopefully my hypothesis about captors really only checking females was correct. The door opened and before I could swing the frying pan I had grabbed, I was shot in the leg. Cursing, I began to black out, but not before seeing blond hair and a mask.

Fuck. Titans.

——

"Eren, sweetie, I have to go," Carla Jaeger smiled down at her eight year-old son, Eren. She had to go to work soon and her son wasn't letting her.

"But Mooooooooooooooomy," Eren pulled on his mother's pant leg, "I don't want you to go."

"Let go of your mother and act your age, Eren. You're eight years old. Act like it," Grisha Jaeger scolded, not once looking up from the morning paper that he was reading in the late evening.