The Power Bond

Chapter Forty Three|| It's Not Fair

{Madeline's POV}

Maybe if we had caught it earlier. 

The doctors words never left my mind. How did I not realize I was with child? When I had been so  keen on having one. How did I not notice? 

It looks like the miscarriage was brought on by stress, she had said. Ryker was quick to blame himself and the charity ball. It wasn't his fault, I was just stressing everything too much. 

It was my fault. And the sad thing was... if I wouldn't have been stressed, they would still be here. I can have children and I thought for these past months that I couldn't and the thing that takes them from me when I finally have them is stress? Stress?! 

Unbelievable, I thought as I stared out the window watching the rain pour down. It seemed the world had been crying much like myself. 

Ryker's voice broke me from my thoughts, "Have you taken your medicine yet?" He asked softly from behind me and I just nodded in response. 

"Are you hungry?" He asked and I shook my head no. 

"Madeline..." He sighed starting to speak up but I held up my hand. 

"Please don't. I feel sick and if I eat it will only come back up. I'm fine." 

A minute later I felt his arms wrap around my waist from behind. 

"This is hard for me too, you know?" I closed my eyes. 

"I know, Ryker." I replied softly. 

"That was my flesh and blood too. I lost them just as you did, so you cannot carry this pain yourself. Talk to me, let me hold you, let me comfort you." I felt a tear drop down my cheek and turned to face him. 

"I just want the pain to go away." I croaked out.

"I know, baby." He said placing a hand on the back of my head holding me to his chest as I finally let out the cries that have been beating around in my chest. 

"We will get through this." He told me with determination but I could only nod in response. 

I just wish it felt like that. 

"Can we go lay down?" I asked feeling an enormous headache coming on. 

"Of course, come on." He mumbled softly. 

****

I had fallen asleep minutes after my head hit the pillow and Ryker pulled me into his embrace. His comfort was something I definitely needed. 

Later after I woke up, I heard the shower running and Ryker was no longer in bed. My stomach rumbled from lack of food and I walked downstairs to the kitchen to get something. 

It was peaceful as I ate. No one was around and everyone seemed to be doing their own things on this rainy day. 

I feel... empty almost. 

"There you are, girl!" I heard the perky voice and my mood instantly shifted to annoyed. 

I loved McKenzie, but I really just wanted to be alone. 

"You've been so recluse lately. Are you hiding from me?" She asked with a silly grin. 

"No." I mumbled as bit into a pickle. 

"Is everything okay?" She asked noticing my lack of conversation. 

"Just tired." I responded. 

"Oh! Well I am right there with you!" She said cheerfully as she grabbed the chair next to me. 

Great. 

"Who knew being pregnant can make you so tired?" She asked with a small laugh. 

I refrained from rolling my eyes and just gritted my teeth instead. 

"Funny." I said taking another bite of my pickle, chewing angrily. 

"Also, I am doing a baby shower soon! Next month we'll be able to see if it's a girl or a boy so we are doing a gender reveal party and then a week late the baby shower. That way people know what to get." She beamed and I just faked a smile. 

"That sounds fun." I mumbled grabbing my plate and walking to the sink, and of course she followed me. 

"I would love for you to help me set everything up. How about tomorrow we discuss what I should buy for-"

"I'm not in the mood, McKenzie!" I nearly yelled and her eyes widened slightly. I almost felt bad... almost. 

"What is up with you?! You've been so distant and you don't even call or text! It's me being the one that has to call you! I have to come looking for you and when I do you completely ignor-"

"I had a miscarriage, McKenzie! So I'm sorry that I don't want to hear you parade around with your kid and what showers you're going to throw. Im hurt, confused, and quite frankly pissed off that this is what my life has came to. I'm sorry that i've been 'distant' but i've had my excuses." I snapped. 

I knew it wasn't her fault... she didn't know. But, I just couldn't stand it anymore. 

Im sick of acting like I'm okay when I'm not!

"M-Madeline... you should have talked to me! Goddess, I feel so bad! Im your friend I'm supposed to comfort you!" She said clearly hurt I withheld information from her like that. 

"Sorry, it doesn't fit into a conversation topic that well." I shot back. 

"How did it happen?" She asked softly clearly concerned. 

"Stress." I mumbled turning to head to me and Ryker's room. 

"I wish you could have talked to me!" She said making me halt my steps. 

"It's not fair." I said facing her. 

"Alessia was pregnant first, then you were next, and finally I was and I don't get to keep mine. No, they had to die and it's all my fault. It's not fair, because I don't deserve this! What did I ever do to deserve this?!" I said in tears. 

"Madeline, it wasn't your fault! In life we don't get to choose what happens with stuff like that. It's all fate. No one deserves to lose their own child but things happen. You can't beat yourself up over it!" She threw her hands up, "You are the strongest person I know! The fact you're even up and walking around shows just how strong you are! I can't say I know what it's like to lose a kid, but I know it's nothing I could recover from, let alone get out of bed." She mumbled. 

"I'm sorry, Madeline. I know that isn't what you want to hear, but things to get better." I looked down at the floor. 

But will it?

Ryker's voice ran through my mind. 

Time. 

I just need time. 

___________________________________________________________________

Aw. I promise chapter are going to get more happier. 

As everyone knows, this book is supposed to stop at 45 then an epilogue after. I might do one or two more but I don't know if I will. 

Just depends how my plot plays out in the next chapters. 

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