Our Sick Inheritance (editing)

Ch 95 (colin) - It's Always A Woman

To say a spirit couldn't feel after death, Colin couldn't believe. He was sure they still felt emotion through energy, from their own or their surroundings of life. He wondered if the emotions were worse after death because they were exposed to a higher stronger awareness of everything. He believed if a soul couldn't accept it's passing, then it walked around in anger and would display that emotion until it learned to get over it of want to stop feeling so hurt and distressed. Some never do.

Colin got into the passenger seat of his car as Nate shoved the tools into the back seat on top of a blanket that he had set up before they left. The plastic Nate put back into the trunk on top of the plastic lining that covered every inch of the trunk to protect the car from Stacy.

Neither one said a word for the first half the trip home. Nate finally spoke up surprising Colin with the topic.

"Dad, did you love my biological mother?" Nate asked staring ahead as he drove. Colin sighed.

"More than you can know son." Colin said without hesitation.

"Was her death an accident?" Nate asked. Colin had to be careful what he told him so the story didn't change.

"That depends on what you consider an accident. She died after giving birth to you without proper medical care. We couldn't get to the doctor soon enough or even get a doctor or nurse out to the cabin. I delivered you and cut the cord. I had learned how to do it online and the internet was limited at best back then. I had also read a bunch of books. She jumped into labor so quick, and she bled out extremely fast. It wasn't anyone's fault except ours for not being in a hospital. There just didn't seem to be any warning. She was cramping for weeks so we didn't know her body was getting ready to deliver. We were both young and dumb on the subject. You were almost two weeks early so we were expecting you to arrive exactly on time." Colin laughed which was odd because he didn't feel like laughing. Colin closed his eyes as he talked and Nate drove.

"Her parents didn't even know she was pregnant because she didn't think they would approve since we weren't married. I was young and she was younger. They hadn't even met me because she worked for my Dad and any kind of personal relationship at work was forbidden. She was afraid of what they would say or do because they were extremely religious. When my parents died in their plane accident I was devastated with life and the weight of responsibility. I was so worried about losing everything at the time. Dana was there for me in every way, but there were times I left her alone." Colin said and looked at Nate.

"There wasn't even a question that you could have been anyone else's. We both thought it was best to have privacy so the cabin was the most logical choice since after my parents died nobody was using it. We figured she would have you then we would come out and tell everyone." Colin said and laid back in his seat with his eyes closed.

"I was still sad and stressed out so I thought the plan was perfect. Her parents thought she had just ran away with someone she met at work." Colin said and continued as tears threatened to make a presence. He kept quiet for a moment so they could suck back into his head. He knew he was holding on the lie because he couldn't tell his son that he had killed his mother because he was a selfish, self-centered pig.

"After she had you, she was holding you, and she had the biggest most beautiful smile on her face. Then her eyes glazed over. I panicked. I wrapped you in a blanket and put you in a carrier I bought then set you on the table. I couldn't wake Dana up. I grabbed her and ran down to the lake to dip her in water to shock her body somehow to revive itself. That only works in the movies because it sure in hell didn't work in real life. That day I felt I had lost everything and knew I couldn't take care of a kid if I couldn't take care of myself. That is why I gave you to my parent's best friends to raise you because they couldn't have children of their own and are really great people." Colin knew that Nate was nodding in agreement.