The Legend - A Gilmore Girls Fan Fiction

Chapter 74

Finn and I were out to lunch in a lavish restaurant, and I was telling him about the day I'd had.

"Are you sure you'd want to work so closely with Charlie? You two barely know each other" he said in surprise.

"That's not true, they've been in New York for a few months now, and he's been really down about having to take that job as a cell phone sales rep. I mean sure, the accent gets him sales out the yin yang, but that doesn't mean he's happy about it..." I said.

"Sales out the yin yang..." he repeated thoughtfully with a laugh.

I brushed him off and continued. "He wants to be there for Poppy in every way, Finn. You of all people should know how inferior he feels about not being able to pay for anything these days, and having to have his wife's big brother bail him out of every situation all the time..." I said.

"He really feels like that? How do you know? And why me of all people?" he asked.

"Because you're the one who always does the bailing, Finn! Besides, I feel that way a lot, too. I can't pay for anything right now, I'm lucky that I'm able to pay for my half of Emma's school and I appreciate everything you've –"

"I make you feel inferior?" he asked in surprise, hurt by the alleged accusation.

"No! God no, Finn! I know you're only taking care of us, all of us – Charlie knows that, too. You're doing this out of the love you have for all of us – but sometimes it's just a little hard to feel like we couldn't even contribute if we wanted to. We don't have any of our own money, and the money I do have, gets spent on Emma, because it's not MY money, it's HER money to take care of HER. I just really hate that I can't contribute, and that's how he feels, too. He and I have had full on conversations about this" I said.

"You have? Love, I – I never meant for you to feel that way...I've only ever wanted to take all your worries about all of that away, not cause more of it..." he said.

"I know, Finn, and I love you so, so much for that. But you know how independent I am, and I like to be that way... You have to know how hard it is for me to accept your handouts..." I whispered.

"They're not meant to be handouts, Love, they're meant to be a man showering his lovely girlfriend and her precious daughter with love, and devotion, and appreciation... Showing you both that I'm fully committed to investing in our future together, rather than only worrying about myself the way I used to do..." he said.

I could see the frustration and confusion on his face as I tried to console him. I touched his face with my hand gently, locking my eyes with his. "I know that" I whispered, but instead of feeling reassured, he turned his cheek away from me as if he didn't want me touching him. I pulled my hand back in surprise; I could feel the lump rising in my throat as I watched his reaction.

"Finn" I whispered pleadingly. He just shook his head and stood up. Looking right through me, he tossed some money down onto the table and walked away, leaving me watching after him speechless and on the verge of tears.
Suddenly I was terrified. None of what I'd said was meant to upset him, I was only trying to make him understand how I feel - and how Charlie feels... how bad is this going to get?

** ** **

I parked the Cayenne in the space reserved for our apartment, turned the ignition off and then I just sat there for a moment, trying to compose myself. I took a couple deep breaths before finally opening the car door and letting myself out.

I was dreading going upstairs, because I had no idea how to handle what had happened at the restaurant - he took off and had the maître d' bring the valet ticket to the table to give to me before he left. Even when he's mad at me, he still makes sure that I'm taken care of...

I walked inside the building and waited an eternity for the elevator to get me - or at least that's how long it seemed to be. Once I was to our floor, the door opened to our living room and it was eerily quiet in the apartment. Finn wasn't there and he hadn't been there.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to fight back the tears, when I pulled out my phone. No missed calls, no text messages, nothing. Just as I was scrolling through my contacts to call Poppy, I heard the elevator door open, causing my heart to stop for a second.

He walked into the apartment and tossed his keys down onto the bar. He went and got himself a drink of scotch, resting his hands on the counter with his back to me. I didn't like where this was heading.

"Finn?" I questioned, but he didn't budge.
I sighed deeply and walked over to him, putting my hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged me off.

"Okay, Finn, what's going on here!? Why are you acting like this!?" I asked.

He whirled around and looked me square in the eyes and laughed. I couldn't hide the confusion on my face and he just shook his head. "This is what I get" he said softly.

"What do you mean?" I asked unsurely.

"It just figures that I changed everything about myself to try and be good enough for you and somehow I still fucked it all up. I tried to give you anything and everything you could ever want or need, but no. You're too good to take my 'handouts', so I don't know what else to do. I can't make you appreciate any of it, only you can do that" he snapped.

I stepped back in surprise and tears started forming in my eyes. This was Finn! My Finn! Why was he - how could he - talk to me like this!? What did I do wrong!?

I shook my head and pressed my lips together really hard to try to keep from crying. "I don't understand why you're so mad at me" I managed to get out.

"Of course not! Why would you!? All I did was give and give to you. And whether you want to admit it or not, you took and took! Now all of a sudden I make you feel inferior!? Bullshit, Rory! That's bullshit and you know it!" He yelled.

Hearing him yell at me caused something inside of me to snap and I lost it. "Who the hell do you think you are!? You don't get to decide how I feel, Finn! You've known from the beginning how much I hate taking anything from anyone! Why are you acting like this is new information to you!? I fought you tooth and nail for everything you've done for me, but now you can throw it in my face that I took it!? This is ridiculous and totally unfair! You make it sound like I only wanted you for what you could give me, but you know me better than that! Or at least I thought you did!" I yelled back.

"Yeah right, like you're any different! Everyone has always only wanted me for what I could give them, not for me" he scoffed.

"You know what? You're right, Finn. You're absolutely right. I have only wanted you for what you could give me. I want you for the inferno you light inside of me every time you touch me. For the butterflies you give me every time you look at me. For the goosebumps on my skin every time you kiss me. For the chills up my spine every time you tell me how much you love me. But yeah, you're totally right. I only ever wanted you for what you give to me" I said, my voice breaking and tears threatening to fall.

He sighed and looked at me, studying me, soaking in every word I'd just said. I held his gaze, waiting for his retaliation, but when it came, him walking right back out that door hurt worse than I ever could've imagined.