Salvation

2 ∆ i'm a disaster

        ''Shit, are you alright?''

His voice echoed in my mind as I stared into his eyes, wondering what the fuck was happening. The question was left in the air for what seemed like years. 

No, I was not okay. I was bleeding, I was just knocked down and I was still on the ground. But I couldn't speak. I just looked up at the man in front of me again and he furrowed his eyebrows.

''I'm so sorry. I should've looked where I was going-''

''Uh, it's alright, I mean, it's my fault.'' I mumbled, slowly backing away to try and stand up. 

Surprisingly, he stood up quickly and helped me up too. I smiled, thanking him and he shrugged it off.

''It was the least I could do after I basically threw you on the ground.'' We both chuckled awkwardly. 

And from that point, I didn't know what to do. I am not sociable at all, so I really have no idea of what to do in social situations such as that one.

Before things got too awkward, one of his friends spoke up (quite unceremoniously may I add).

''Uh, well, it was nice meeting you I guess? But we have to go. C'mon, Ross.'' 

''Hang in there, Hann.'' The guy who still had a grip on my wrist looked back at me and scanned my face again. ''Are you sure you're alright? You're, like, bleeding...''

''Yeah, yeah, I just... I fell facedown.'' I chuckled awkwardly at my own lie. ''I'm a disaster. Don't worry.''

''Oh come on you can barely walk,'' One of the other guys whisper-yelled from behind. ''You're not alright.''

''Yes I am, I will just- I'll just go. Okay, bye. Thanks. Sorry.'' I said in a rush as I passed them by and quickly made my way home. 

I literally appeared with a bloody face and was knocked down by a guy in the middle of the street and stuttered like I was caught doing drugs or watching Hannah Montana. I managed to embarrass myself horribly in front of The 1975 and that still didn't sink in.

***

Once I arrived home I couldn't help but feel like an idiot. That was my favourite band I had just bumped into and I let them go! I basically ran away from them. 

''Stupid, stupid Anna. Idiot.'' I told myself as I slid out of my clothes and walked into the en suite bathroom, stopping dead in the tracks when I caught sight of my face.

See, I was used to avoiding looking in the mirror. I hated doing it -- it only reflected my ugly, weak, pathetic self, and it only made me hate it more. But this time it was unevitable. 

Bony cheeks stained with blood and tears, eyes bloodshot, forehead also smudged with blood and the scar was bigger than ever. 

No wonder the guy stopped and stared at me for a while.

I looked fucking hideous. Worse than usual.

Angry, sad, frustrated and again, crying, I entered the shower and washed myself while I sobbed, hating myself and everything around me. Why did people hate me so much? Why was I so ugly? Why didn't I have friends?

Teenage drama, you may say.

And yes, it might be. But that doesn't mean it hurts any less. 

Being hated at home and at school hurts; hating yourself hurts. And hurting yourself isn't a good habit - it's scarring. You become a sad, broken person, unable to trust anyone else - because how can you, if even yourself is mean?

As the warm water slid down my pale body and washed away major self destructive thoughts, I felt myself calming down and the numbing peace returning to my mind.

I stepped out of the shower and wrapped the towel around me, drying myself quickly and sliding into comfy pyjamas to spend the rest of the night in bed watching Simon Pegg movies [a/n accurate]. But, as usual, just to ruin my night, my brother appeared, either emerged from his bedroom or got home from his mean girlfriend's house.

''Anna,'' He groaned from the doorstep after he rudely invaded my room kicking the door open. ''go buy me some drinks will you?''

''But, uh, I just got home...'' I mumbled, shifting out of bed.

''Oh do me that favour.'' He grumbled before turning back and walking into the kitchen.

I sighed and nodded to no one in particular. I grabbed random skinny jeans and a tie-dyed shirt, throwing an oversized black hoodie over it and zipping it up to my neck. I let my hair fall on my shoulders to try and warm me up, and put on my black beanie before grabbing some money, my phone and earphones and speeding off.

Walking down the road towards the shop, I hummed along to one of the songs I have written in the past months. 

''I'm a phoenix in the water

a fish that's learned to fly

and I've always been a daughter

but feathers are meant for the sky''

Absentmindedly I entered the establisment, not looking where I was going until I reached the shelf I was going for. 

Cheap liquors, whiskeys and wines were placed alongside an enormous variety of beers, of which I grabbed a good dozen of cans and to seem the least bit classy, a bottle of red wine (which I knew very well my brother would down in a few gulps, in a couple of minutes).

Walking towards the cashier I noticed a couple of curious pair of eyes watching me, a playful smirk on their faces. I awkwardly smiled back, not exaclty knowing how to react. Should I go talk to them? Should I just go my way?

Before I could decide though, the members of The 1975 were, for the second time that day, standing in front of me, watching me curiously as if I were an exotic animal in a zoo. 

And now, thinking back, maybe I really was.

---

a/n why hello. I plan on not making any authors note on this story (just made one of introuction but that's important) unless it's really necessary.

Just wanted to say that on this story I'll use Gabrielle Aplin's songs and album 'English Rain' as Anna's writing (it's like Gabrielle doesn't exist, and it's all from Anna -- the participation in 'Dreams' included - you'll see that later on). But the songs are all hers! I'm not taking any credit, everything on the album English Rain and that has to do with Gabrielle Aplin is not mine, they belong to the respective Copyright owners.

Alrighty, everything clarified, I shall go write the next chapter. Thanks for reading. Clara x (: