Salvation

29 ∆ what makes you... embarrassed

        I skipped school the following days; I avoided my brother more than usual and I didn't answer any calls from Alex. In two and a half days, I took 7 baths, smoked 3 packs of cigarretes and the rest of the weed I had hidden, ingested 9 sleeping pills and got 13 new cuts in my ankles. I felt hopeless, sick and tired of school, seriously thinking of giving up and dropping out; I had only one month more to go, anyway.

However, on Wednesday morning while I listened to Fall Out Boy and cuddled my cats Meg, Penny and Bowie, Matthew called me.

''Hey babe. Live Lounge is in an hour, we're coming to pick you up.''

''Uh- what?''

''Remember I told you bout us going to perform a cover at the Live Lounge? You even saw us rehearsing-''

''Well, yeah, I remember, but- am I coming too?''

''Of course.'' He chuckled, as if it was something obvious.

Slightly confused, but still happy to, for once, have some emotion in my life, I said goodbye to Matty and hung up, running to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready.

***

''Looking lovely on this fine morning, lady.'' Ross said once I reached their black Ford Corcel (a/n brazilian car, and literally the only car I know that could suit their cool style n shit and I can't be bothered to do research about cars at 4:40am, excuse me).

I awkwardly chuckled, thanking him briefly as we hugged. I also greeted George, who was driving, and Hann, who sat next to Matthew on the backseats. I sat next to Matthew and he kissed my cheek softly, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly, without saying a word.

The ride to BBC Radio 1 took only a few minutes and we didn't speak at all, except for a brief exchanging of words. Once we arrived, the guys' manager was waiting for us at the front doors, and he lead us inside, through corridors and to a door with a sign I couldn't read as we entered the place quickly and they closed the door.

Staff guided us to a sort of waiting room, with couches and a coffee table with drinks for the artists; one of the walls was made of glass, and behind it was the studio where they'd perform in, with the instruments and all the equipment neatly placed over the place. On the other side was where the broadcasters were; I could see Fearne and a couple more staff people with her.

''You're on in 5.'' Their manager spoke up, and the guys nodded.

I turned to look at them. ''What are you playing today?''

''You'll see.'' Hann grinned. ''Matty picked it.''

I raised my eyebrows as I looked at Matthew.

''Yeah.'' He smiled.

After that, we didn't speak anymore. I nervously tapped the black Doc Martens I wore on the carpeted floor, anxious for some unknown reason. Maybe it was just excitement. Or a bad feeling kicking in.

5 minutes felt like 5 seconds as I heard them being called again and before I knew it they were inside, sat on their respective places, taking to Fearne. I stood up and walked over to the glass, just to feel as if I were closer to them.

I couldn't hear what they were saying, but I suspected it was about me, as Matthew was grinning, nodding and laughing as he and the other boys looked at me in a weird way; I could see Fearne laughing in the back, and then saying some sort of vague expression for something pretty or cute, like ''aw''. I made a questioning face at Ross but he just shrugged.

A few seconds later they started playing, and I could actually hear the music, since it was being played on the speakers in the room I was in. When Matthew started singing, I recognized it as What Makes You Beautiful, by One Direction. 

Before I could make any conclusions or connections with the fact that before they played that song, they were looking at me, the door in the room I was in was opened to reveal Dan from Bastille fiddling on his phone and their manager Dick. Dan looked up when Dick cleared his throat, and I awkwardly greeted them both.

''Hey Anna!'' Dan smiled, coming in for a hug.

That was kind of unexpected, but good nevertheless. Dan's hugs were always great; he's a hugger person.

''Hello.'' Dick smiled at me and I smiled back, nodding my head lightly. ''Well, Dan, I'll go get the others. You're on after them.'' Dick said and Dan stuck a thumbs up, which made me chuckle.

''So, what are you doing here?'' He asked, putting his phone back on his pocket. ''I mean- not that you can't be here, it's great seeing you here. It's just a bit random, I guess.''

I chuckled, nodding. ''Yeah, Matthew called me like an hour ago saying I was coming with them, and here I am now.''

Dan smiled, nodding. ''It's nice of him to involve you in his work. And it's also really cool that he brought you here to see him live, performing the song he's dedicating to you, and not just make you hear it through the radio.''

My eyes widened and the colour drained from my face. ''W-what?''

He seemed surprised, slightly scared, taken aback. ''Are you alright? Oh my god, Anna, seriously, are you okay? You're so pale all of a sudden- was it something I said?'' He tried to hold my shoulder, but I took a step back.

''You said he's dedicated the song to me?'' I mumbled, still listening to the boys playing in the background.

''Oh, that,'' Dan laughed. ''yeah, he did. Live. Just before they started playing. He said your name and all.''

''Oh my god.'' I mumbled, looking back at the guys.

''Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you
Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful
If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know
You don't know you're beautiful''

''Why are you so shocked?'' Dan asked, nudging my shoulder.

''It's so- so...''

''Cute?'' He laughed.

''Cheesy. Uncalled for.'' I said making a sort of disgusted face, while he just laughed.

''What counts are his good intentions.''

''The road to hell is paved with good intentions.'' I said, shaking my head disapprovingly, while he just laughed more. ''Agh, I can't believe this.'' I laughed a little bit myself. ''It's so embarrassing.'' 

''Yeah,'' He said. ''It kinda is.''