I'm (not) OK [SeulYong]

Chapter 4

"Aish... I'm so tired..." Joon said for probably the hundredth time, earning another hush from the teacher near by.

'Shut up. Just finish studying and then let's go eat.' He reads the text Milly sent him. He thinks it's stupid for Milly to text when she's right next to him, but Milly knew better than to receive a week of detention for whispering, especially during after school classes.

"Joon, start getting serious. It's already sophomore year, so we need to study more." It was already three months since the new school year started, and Joon couldn't be anymore annoyed than now.

"Why do I have to go through this? If Jinae noona was here, at least I would have a reason for school." Milly felt bad for Joon. It was originally his sister who was supposed to take over their father's business, but since she left, Joon knew from a young age he would do it. He doesn't mind it, but he feels like school is a waste of time for someone like him.

The two walk to a nearby tteokbokki stand and snack on whatever they could. They were tired and there wasn't much to eat in the cafeteria after school.

"But Joon, I always wondered something. Why didn't you go to that school? Your dad told me that he would have sent you to that business school near our neighbourhood."

Joon kept eating, not being bothered by her question since he had a straightforward answer.

"That school is for kids like me,and I would learn how to handle dad's business. But, I have more reasons not to go. One, the kids are spoiled brats, and the teachers don't bother to teach them properly. Two, I saw some were ones who bullied me during kindergarten. And three, I wouldn't have you there."

For some reason, Milly chocked on the fishcake she was chewing. She felt weird at Joon's words, and tried hard not to show it.

"Yah, yah! Are you OK!?!"

"I'm OK..." she continued to cough.

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"But, why!?! How can this happen? And what do you mean 'there's nothing we can do about it'?" Joon yelled while his father hid his face in his hands, and his stepmother sobbed. Unlike other times, he refuses to stay calm and apologise for screaming because he knows that, this time, he has a right to do so.

"Joon please, you need to calm down and understand. If we knew earlier, I would have gone for surgery, but now it's too late. All I can do is take medication, but that won't stop it. It will slow down the process, but..." before he could finish, Joon stormed out of the room, slamming the door which earned terrified looks from the employees. He didn't care if this was his father's office, he was too angry to care about anything. Instead of going home, he goes somewhere he knew nobody, except one, would find him.

Cancer is a terrible thing. Joon knew because that was how his birth mother died, and that was what's going to happen again. He always asked his father to check his health, but he was always too busy to do so. Now, it's too late. Like he said, no surgery can help, and medication will only slow down the process, but we never know when it would take over his father's life.

Joon sat down thinking what was going to happen to him, his father, his stepmother and Jin. He held back tears while thinking about possible outcomes of the future, knowing that all would have the same ending, his father's death. He doesn't know when, but knows there is no beating to it.

"Joon, everything will be alright." he felt arms around him and the familiar warmth of a hug. He finally let go of his tears and sobbed into Milly's shoulder. They sat like that for a while, Milly patting his head continuously, while he played with her fingers, still crying.

"If you act like this, your dad will feel worse. You know it won't solve anything if you stay mad at him." he finally stopped sobbing, laying his head on her shoulder while she kept her arms around him.

"I... I can't help but be mad. I always told him to check his health. He's just so stubborn."

"And you're not? Joon, you're like a carbon copy of him, personality wise, that's why you should stop this and be more understanding. You've always put people around you before yourself, and he did the same. He was too busy caring for you guys so he didn't have time to check on himself."

"How am I like him? I'm stubborn but, as noona says, I'm selfish. Dad's not, he gives up everything for us. And noona's right. I always want things my way." Joon remembers the last time he saw his sister, and recalls the fight they had, and how she hated him for protecting Jin who was only three.

"He broke my hairbrush, why shouldn't I be angry?"

"Noona he's only three. Stop yelling. You shouldn't punish him."

"You selfish piece if trash! Get out of my sight!"

"I guess you are selfish, but you're a different kind of selfish." Milly's voice brought him back to the present.

"You want things your way for a good reason. Remember when you kept forcing me to go parasailing alone, saying you will never go with anyone. That helped me come over my fear of heights."

Joon remembered when he brought her to his family vacation, and how he was later scolded by his stepmother for sending her alone. She cried her eyes out at first, but they were shocked to see her laughing when the parachute came down.

Joon chuckled at the thought of the memory, and Milly was relieved he was better. She stood up, grabbed his hand and pulled him to stand up. The two made their way back to Joon's house holding hands, talking about what Joon would do once he got home.

"Just say you'll accept it and move on, and also say sorry for yelling, especially since it was uncle's office."

"Sure..."

"Joon. Are you OK?"

"I'm OK."