Our Demons {Kai Parker Book 1}

chapter thirty-six: In Which Scars are Re-Opened

She was never his. 

Born into chaos and raised in fear, her life was never really hers to take control over and lead. She was overwhelmed with responsibilities, scared of failure, and when she did break free the ends of her dress became stained with the troubles that she ran away from. 

There were three things he could never tell her. 

The first, who Malachai Parker was. Like a moth to a flame, she was drawn to his mysterious allure, and like the unforgiving fire, Kai would only burn her innocence. 

The second, what Malachai Parker had done. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if he ever saw fear or judgement in her beautiful eyes. 

The third, that Malachai Parker would always love her because Macy was never his. 

And he wasn't hers. 

Seeing Ria stand there the memories came flooding back. He was torn between pulling her into his arms in a tight embrace and never letting go, or ripping her beating heart out of her chest. 

Her shoulders were slumped in defeat. Ria had lost a lot of weight since the last time he saw her, the last time when she told him that she could never love him. 

Her hair was shorter too, the long strands he pulled just to annoy her just barely reached her shoulders. Her skin was a shade too light, but the one thing that didn't change was her round doe-eyes. 

He was going to gouge them out with his fingers. 

Ria was having trouble breathing, reminding herself to inhale and exhale. He still hated her, that much she could tell from his eyes. His fists were clenched by his sides and Ria desperately wanted to hold his hands and feel the warmth his skin offered. Standing across from him she was reminded of every time she wronged him. 

"I-I'm sorry,"

His reply was automatic, "That's not good enough,"

She bit her lip in shame and focused her stare to the ground. 

"You hate me."

"You have no idea."

"Kai, you know me. You know what type of person I am. Everything that happened after we came back- even you have to admit that it wasn't like me. With everything that we went through in the prison world, you have to know something was off. When we came out, and Damon attacked you, I saved you."

"Did you?" he scoffed. 

"I could have let the guilt consume you, I could have stayed in the prison, I could have taken the out the guardians gave me by killing you. But I didn't."

"Why not? Huh? Killing me would have been easier than the torture you put me through."

"The witches..." she shook her head dejectedly, "Kai, I wasn't myself. I promise you, I would never hurt people like that."

"Well, that's just the thing isn't it?" he snapped, grabbing her chin, and forcing her to look at him. "You don't see them as human, you hate witches and everything they stand for. You hate me."

"I don't hate you. I know it sounds stupid but I wasn't myself. And it doesn't just have to do with the guardians. Benedict's group was involved and an angel, and I'm not me. Kai, I'm not me."

His hand dropped to his side. Something was stirring in his chest when her voice cracked. "You're right, my Ria wouldn't kill. Wouldn't Threaten. Wouldn't Lie. Wouldn't leave."

Tears rolled down her cheeks and for that moment she wanted to feel numb again. She didn't want to feel alone and scared, but she couldn't expect Kai to welcome her back into his life with open arms either.