Our Demons {Kai Parker Book 1}

chapter forty-six: In Which She Goes Solo

It felt wrong.

Standing there in the woods with the Grimoire in her arms, she was trying to calm the beating in her chest and shifting her wandering gaze away from Stefan. But it felt wrong.

His brows were pulled together and he aimlessly kicked at the ground.

Ria opened her mouth, "I'll be back." 

He nodded his head once, eyes focused on the ground.

"And you'll find a place for the kids by the time I bring them back."

"A safe place," he promised as his eyes flickered to the bickering siblings seated in the back of his car.

They waited in silence, both yearning for the other to say something and yet itching to voice their own concerns. But she felt the urgency to find Kai more than he felt the need to confess his feelings.

"Something's bothering you, I know it."

"It's just," he closed his eyes, "something tells me everything's going to change. And don't get me wrong, change is good, but it's not something I'm ready for."

"Nothing's going to change," she hesitated, "I owe this to him, Stefan. I played with his emotions, abandoned him, killed the girl he loves... He's in that prison because of me, torturing himself. I have to save him."

Stefan tilted his head to the side, "Then why do you seem so hesitant to leave?" He read her like an open book.

"I don't know what to say to him. It's been so long, and everything has changed so many times. I'm just- I don't know what to say."

"I don't think it's about what needs to be said. Sometimes, words aren't needed to express that. When you're in the moment, everything will fall into place. You'll know what to do, because you'll feel it."

Her heart hammered against her ribcage; at this moment she should stay with Stefan. He knew her so well, he knew how to treat her and accept the problems they faced maturely. At this moment, she felt that staying with him would be the easiest route and would secure her future.

But her flaw was in thinking she could save Kai Parker.

"Are you sure I can't come with you?" Stefan released a heavy sigh when she shook her head no. "Then, at least promise me you'll be safe?"

Ria stepped towards him and placed a lingering kiss on his lips. She whispered loud enough for him to hear.

"I promise."

His head he held high, but eyes cast down. And as her shadow disappeared into the light, Stefan came upon a sudden realization.

He was going to love her forever.

~~~

Kai fell back into the water.

His skin was frigid and so the cold water slashing across his skin like sharp daggers felt like nothing.

He shut his eyes in an attempt to stop his racing thoughts, but they only intensified. They lived in a repeating loop, embedding themselves into every neuron and becoming a part of his DNA.

His knee began to jerk but he was caught up in the infestation within his mind. His arms dragged down heavily and yet he could not comprehend the pain.

His lungs burned but he only felt the eternal note of misery tremble in his lungs and quake his heart.

I just want to die, please, please let me die. I won't bother anyone ever again, I swear. Please. If I'm the sinner, be the saint and put me out of my misery.