ghost // fillie

003

003

~last minute confessions~

the funeral was three days later.

it was held in a big church. millie wasn't very popular, yet many people she didn't even know came. her family along with her best friends got a front row seat: sadie, caleb, noah, gaten, and finn.

millie had never seen her friends so sad before.

during the funeral, as the priest said some words about premature death, millie watched her friends stare into the void. they all looked empty and vacant. it was scary.

finn, most of all.

she had been staying at his house most days. she'd sleep next to him, as she did when she was alive during their sleepovers. she never felt the need to sleep, so she just watched him. or sometimes she'd pretend she was asleep and cuddled him. she still went to school and sat in her chair. people would often stare at the chair in solemn somber before turning back to the lesson.

a lot had changed.

millie watched the faces of the audience. most of them were in tears or close to it. her casket was lying on the altar of the church. flowers were draped over the wooden frame. there was a picture of millie smiling next to it.

before they took it out to be buried, her friends and family came up to pray. she could only hear those who spoke in silent whispers.

caleb and noah both went up and prayed silently.

gaten was the first one to talk, whispering, "millie, if you're up there, please collect as much chocolate pudding as you can so that we have enough for when i get there,"

millie chuckled, as gaten continued, "no seriously. you were the best. you.....you picked us all up when we were down. and we were down a lot. i have no idea what i'm gonna do without you, mills. i miss you,"

millie bit her lip, whispering back, "i'm gonna miss you, too, bud. beat up anyone who talks bad about me,"

gaten smiled softly for few seconds, then left.

next came sadie.

sadie has known millie since second grade, and they'd been inseparable since.

"mills, why? just why. bitch, we were supposed to grow old together," sadie whispered, "we were supposed to go prom dress shopping and college dorm room decorating. we were supposed to get drunk at allie's party and go to vegas when we were 21. we were supposed to pick out your wedding dress for you to marry finn in. we were supposed to be soccer moms together. we were supposed to grow old and complain to each other about being old. shit, mills. it's so hard to imagine a world without you. i...i'm lost. i miss you,"

millie wanted to cry. she wasn't sure if the tears she felt were real or some figment of her imagination. millie remembered making plans and promises. plans and promises that now she couldn't keep. sadie was her best friend. sadie was broken.

after sadie came finn.

finn looked like a mess, but perfect. his hair was unruly and curly. his face was empty and vacant. he stared at the closed casket and millie saw goose bumps appear on his neck. she stood at opposite edge of the casket where he was kneeling. millie could see that he was trying to hold it together in front of the weeping people. she could see he was trying not to cry or think about what had happened. she could see him trying to erase her from his memory so it would hurt less.

"hey," he whispered, his voice cracking, "everybody misses you. me especially. um. i.....i'm trying to keep it together down here. it's really hard because you were my....i don't wanna say rock....but you were....you were like my bed. when i'm with you, i never want to leave you because you make me warm and happy. it was always a relief to see you and be with you, no matter what the time of day. i would rather be with you than anything else in the world. now, especially. so, i'm sorry, if i was ever unfair to you. i'm sorry if i ever upset you. i'm sorry that i wasn't always there for y-you. i-i....i didn't know..."

his voice was cracking up. tears were flowing down his eyes and over onto the wooden casket. he tried to wipe them away with his sleeve.

"sorry. i just. never knew that this was gonna happen," he said, his voice shaky, "i never got to say goodbye or tell you how much i love you. i'm so sorry,"