ghost // fillie

020

020

~ the (im)permanence of a memory~

finn didn't expect an answer from ava. she was asleep after all. so he turned the knob.

but it was locked.

"ava?" finn asked, knocking on the door, "ava where are you?"

no answer. and that freaked millie out too. millie knew ava usually stayed in her room. being a six year old, she was supposed to be loud and social, but she was always a more quiet and shy kid.

finn bit his lip and walked past ava's room, towards another section of the house. and called out, "ava?"

finn's heart rate sped up. there was a voice in the back of his head that screamed, you've lost her! you haven't even started watching her and you lost her!

but then he heard a response, seeming to originate from nowhere, in a soft voice, "in here,"

it was ava's soft voice.

"where?" finn called out.

"im in her room," ava said.

finn turned towards millie's door. he took in a deep breath and walked towards millie's room, a path that he walked so many times before.

the door was plain and simple. it was a wooden door with a white "M" on the front. you wouldn't even be able to tell it was hers because her personality was so explosive and colorful it could barely be summed up by one white "M" posted on her door.

but he loved her room. it was more like her.

it was decorated with newspaper clippings and art and sci-fi posters. but it wasn't just the decoration, it was millie's presence that really tied the room together. with millie in it, it felt intimate, like you could share your life goals and hopes and dreams in there.

he didn't know if any of it was still in there. may be her parents had take it down and sold them to pay the investigator.

he hoped not.

finn saw that the door was slightly open.

he pressed it open to find ava sitting cross legged in the middle of the room, facing away from finn.

finn glanced around.

nothing had been changed. only a few things were taken when sadie and finn were clearing out. finn remembered finding like five of his hoodies that day. she was a big fan of his hoodies.

but finn tried to stay focused on ava.

millie followed with light footsteps behind finn as he walked towards her and sat next to her. ava was looking at down at a printed picture of the two of them. of ava and millie.

millie glanced at it and remembered taking the photo.

in the photo, millie decided to try baking and ava wanted to help. she wasn't a very good assistant and they messed up the whole kitchen making a simple cake. it didn't even turn out good, but they had fun making it.

the picture was after, when they were covered in flour and butter and sugar.

finn was just sitting next to her, staring into his lap. ava's fingertips raves millie's outline. her face was calm but somber as she stared blankly at the photo of her sister.

ava suddenly spoke up, "mommy told me she's in a better place,"

finn didn't know how to respond. he never really believed in heaven or any kind of afterlife. but it was for ava, not for him.

finn cleared his throat, "yeah. but that doesn't mean you can't miss her,"

millie watched as a sudden tear rolled down the six year old's cheek, as she wiped it away, and sniffed, "i do miss her. she's not coming back, is she?"

finn shook his head, staring into the ground, "no,"

"it's not fair," ava said, her lip quivering, "i don't even remember her all that much,"

finn placed his arm around her, and ava leaned into him, as he said, reassuringly, "it's okay. what do you remember?"

ava sniffed, and wiped her nose, "i remember she took me to my first day of first grade. i was really scared because i didn't know anybody. but she introduced me to the new kids and now they're my friends,"

finn smiled.

"i remember when we were watching snow white, she would dance with me when the dwarves were dancing. or when we watched cinderella, she twirled me around. i asked her if i would ever find a prince charming and she told me that i would. but even if i didn't, i wouldn't need one because i was strong and independent on my own,"

ava smiled, as finn rubbed his hands along her back, then she continued, "i asked her if she had a prince charming and she said she had the best prince charming ever,"

finn smiled at the ground, chewing on his lip as his eyes became glassy again as he chuckled. of course she would say something cliché like that.

"well ava," finn said, "you see that even if a person is gone forever, you still have the memories to hold onto. never let them go,"

ava nodded, her eyes never leaving the picture. suddenly she turned into finn and buried her head into his chest, letting the tears fall down her cheeks.

finn bit his lip and let his arms wrap around the six year old. millie saw a smile make its way to his face.

it was because finn realized, amidst his mourning, he wasn't alone.

it's short, but i kinda like it this way. a little chapter dedicated to ava. imma try to update every two days bc i gotta make up for lost time.

also guess who's in arizona? me.

send help it's 118 degrees.