ghost // fillie

035

035

~ some kind of epilogue ~

the next day was thursday.

thursday, february 8th.

and last night finn wolfhard downed a bottle of antidepressants at eleven p.m.

his mom found him in his room when she came back from work; helping clean out the drug lab at lucky's. she found him three hours later and called for an ambulance, but he was already gone.

that phrase repeated itself in her head.

he was gone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

thursday, february 8th was depressing.

the principal had to give another sad speech praising of how good a student was and how sad the death was and how it would impact the community. they gave a talk about suicide and depression. they said the counseling office would always be open, especially during dark times like these.

friday, february 9th was even more depressing.

it was finn's funeral.

he had written a note asking to be buried next to millie.

sadie didn't get to see the note, though the police mentioned that sadie would get to read it once they were done examining it.

sadie was asked to speak at the funeral, but she couldn't. she had lost two best friends in one day, despite their deaths being weeks apart. she got a lot of support from her family, gaten, noah, and even wyatt olef.

caleb stayed overnight at her house so that she would feel less alone. and when he stayed over it made her forget for a few moments.

forget that everything had fallen apart.

she felt like she didn't talk for days.

or eat.

or sleep.

the weekend was a blur, it was static. it passed sadie so quickly and slowly at the same time because it dragged on endlessly even though she did nothing.

monday, february 12th was when she got to read the note.

she went over to the police station to read it. his mom gave it to her.

hey.

sadie smiled. one word into it, and she could already hear his voice.

i know what i did was unexpected. and sad. sorry about that. i don't know if i tried hard enough. but i couldn't try harder if i wanted to. it was too hard.

but i wrote this for legal reasons. mom you can keep some photos. dad, maybe some of my ties. donate my money. i don't care where.

gaten, caleb, noah: take whatever you want form my room.

sadie. oh sadie. hopefully one day i'll be able to make you understand why i reacted the way i did. but not being with her felt wrong. but take anything you want from my room; you get first pick.

and guys? please bury me next to millie, if possible.

thanks.

finn

.

monday, february 19th.

everybody knew it was millie's birthday.

there was a little vigil for her in the morning and we had an assembly to honor her and to talk about safe driving in the snow, which was dumb because that wasn't even the reason she died.

she would've been seventeen.

sadie and millie probably would've thrown a huge party and gone on a huge shopping spree if she were alive. thy would go to macy's and pick out a bunch of cute dresses just for fun.

then they'd go to mcdonald's and talk about how good of a boyfriend finn was, and how caleb was starting to like sadie. they'd talk about the latest episode of the twilight zone and how kids nowadays don't know what a good tv show is these days.

but now, instead, sadie felt this gaping hole in the middle of her chest. she tried to fill it by sleeping with caleb, but millie took up such a big part of it that she was unsure if she could ever wake up and have it not hurt again.

sadie didn't go to school that day. she woke up that morning next to caleb. as usual, her head was lying on his bare chest, as he brushed her tangled hair with his fingertips.

she was staring into the wall. there was a chair where millie used to sit in all the time. she would sit weirdly, she could never sit just right. she'd let her legs hang over it or she'd put her feet up on the chair.

sadie narrowed her eyes. she wanted to get rid of it.

sadie suddenly sat up, sitting away from caleb, grabbing a t-shirt off the ground to cover her bare body.

"you okay, sadie?"

she didn't say anything. she hated this room. she hated every aspect of it because millie was here. she touched every part of this room and everything reminded sadie of her.

and she didn't want to think about her.

not anymore. she had done too much thinking over the past few weeks.

but for a brief moment when she looked at that chair, she let herself think. she let herself think about millie and finn and even though her heart hurt, she still thought.

she let herself think that same thought that had been bugging her.

sadie bit her lip, looking down, taking a deep breath, "do you think there up there?"

"what?" caleb asked, his eyes suddenly popping wide open.

"millie and finn," she said, her hands in her lap, "do you think they're up there together?"

caleb drew his eyebrows together, "uhh.....i don't- i don't know,"

"i don't know either," sadie said, looking into her lap, "i just kind of feel like they are. you know?"

caleb placed his hand on sadie's shoulder. sadie looked back towards him, as he smiled softly. he didn't say anything, but his smile was reassuring enough.

the world was crashing around her. it felt the world was falling apart, but his smile were like an oasis in a desert: refreshing.

and even though she knew she'd never find anybody quite like her two best friends ever again, she knew everything was going to be alright.

.

the end

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