My Desire - Daryl Dixon (1)

Scars

Chapter 17

After a while of sitting by the fire, Daryl, who was apparently still up, walked over and sat beside me, joining me by the fire.

"Hey, why you still up?" Daryl asked.

"Couldn't sleep, you?" I asked.

"Me neither," Daryl said.

"She finally fell asleep. Thank you again for finding her. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't have found her," I said, referring to Alicia.

"No problem. Glad I found her too. I saw how worried you were," Daryl said.

"Yeah well, when you have kids, that's what happens. You get a lot more worried about the world and with the world we're currently living in, that only makes the worry worse," I said.

"Yeah well, I'm glad I found her," Daryl said.

"Me too," I said.

We then smiled before I began to think of the last time Daryl and I were alone together. It was when we were in the souvenir shop and he saw my scars. I remembered how I felt when he saw them but now, I felt differently. I felt like I could trust him with anything. It was weird but somehow it was there. I finally took a deep breath before turning to him and saying...

"Hey, about earlier, when you saw my scars-" I said before Daryl interrupted me.

"Yeah I'm sorry about that. I shouldn't have asked," Daryl said.

"No, it's okay. Really. I had some time to think about it and I realized that I actually wouldn't mind sharing it with you," I said.

"Why me?" Daryl asked.

"I'm not sure. There's something about you, Dixon. Something that seems so familiar to me and somehow, I feel like I can trust this with you," I said.

"I won't tell anyone," Daryl said.

"I know you won't. So, you wanna know where they came from?" I asked.

"You said about your father being an abusive alcoholic. Was he always like that?" Daryl asked.

"No. He was a great dad for the first four years of my life. I loved him so much but I didn't see him often as he was in the army. However, when I did see him, I had the most fun ever. He was great until one day, my mum got a letter from the army. They said they were sending my dad home after some incident involving my dad and alcohol. I'm not sure the full details, like I said, I was four. But what I do remember is my dad coming home all dark. He wasn't his normal happy self. All that was left was an angry alcoholic. He was so mad about what happened and after a conversation in the kitchen with my mum, my dad came out and told me that I had been bad. I asked him what I had done and he told me that I was the reason they kicked him out of the army. I remember begging for his forgiveness, pleading for him to not be mad at me, and after a very long time of crying and pleading, my dad told me that there was only one way I was going to make up for it. I asked him how and he told my mum to tie my hair up before he sat down in his armchair, lit a cigarette and then lifted my t-shirt up to see my back. I sat there patiently, waiting for whatever was going to happen before I felt my back burn. He had put his cigarette in my back, deep enough for a scar. I began to cry out, telling him to stop and he told me that this was my punishment," I explained as I looked in the fire with tears in my eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Daryl said.

I then began to take off my jacket before revealing the scar from before.

"This one that you saw today, was one of the many that my dad gave me. I have twenty in total and that night I was given five. Sometimes he would even go over one of my scars to deepen it more. I never went to the hospital though. My mum was a nurse and so she did what she could after but during she just watched like a coward, saying nothing to me about them. She wouldn't even talk about my dad and his behaviour. She would just be quiet about it the whole time. This went on for four more years until my dad died. The bottle killed him. After he died, my mum apologized about it. She said that she was sorry for not stopping it and that my dad was a cruel man but he was gone. She told me that I never had to be scared again, but that was a lie. One of the many she told me. A few months after my dad died, she met a man named Gavin. They fell in love and at first he was a kind man. In fact, when they got married, I was so happy to see my mum happy with such a kind man and when she fell pregnant with my brother, two years after my dad died, I was so happy to be a sister. Then four years after that, my mum had my sister and Gavin was still nice as ever. He stayed this way until my sister was one. I don't know what changed but all I know is that Gavin was mad. After having his own kids and my mum always taking care of me, he grew mad. He didn't see me as anybody's responsibility. He was mad because my mum cared about me and he thought that she cared more about me than him or my siblings. So, one night I was just sitting there in my room. I wasn't bothering anyone until Gavin finally walked in. He told me that it was my fault and he had to make sure I understood the pain he was causing the family," I explained with tears rolling down my cheeks.

"Skye, you don't have to tell me," Daryl said.

"No. This is something I have to do. Anyway, I told him that I didn't mean to cause the family pain, but he said that words meant nothing. So, when I tried to leave the room, he grabbed me. Laid me onto the bed and ripped off my shirt. I heard a laugh as he touched my scars my dad gave me. He told me that if I wasn't already damaged then what he was going to do to me was definitely going to damage me. I closed my eyes and began to cry before I froze. I laid there, not moving a muscle. I let him do it. I let him rape me, and once it was over, I didn't move. I was weak and I knew I should have fought back but I couldn't. Overtime this happened for three years, not every night, not every week or month just, 'when I deserved it' as he called it. My mum knew of course, but she was just as quiet about it as she was when my dad burned me. It would have happened longer than three years but I left when I turned eighteen. I was sick of my family. Well, at least my mum and step dad. I hated my step dad because of what he did but I hated my mum more. She lied to me over and over again, told me I was never going to be hurt again but that was a lie. One of the many I was told. If you're wondering whether I got scars from my step dad well, maybe this will answer your question," I explained before showing him one of my scars from Gavin.

"I'm so sorry," Daryl said.

"Things got better once I met Alicia's father, Mitch six years later. He made me smile, something I hadn't done in a while. I fell in love but despite all that, I never showed him my scars. I hid my back from him. He understood I had a bad past and that I was sensitive about it. You are one of the only people to ever see even one of them," I explained.

I continued to feel tears fall down my cheeks before Daryl wiped them away.

"I told you all this so you'd know who I am. So you'd know the key thing about me. So you'd know that I'm damaged, Daryl Dixon. That's something that will never change. My dad destroyed my body physically but Gavin, he destroyed me mentally. Together, they took my strength," I explained.

"Listen to me, you didn't lose your strength and your not damaged. You're beautiful," Daryl said.

After saying this, I looked Daryl in the eyes for a moment and a lust for his touch was something I craved. I could tell he felt it too. We sat there for a moment with the lust in eyes for each other before Daryl began to kiss me. I felt the passion of the kiss so powerful and this continued for a while before we went into his tent together and clothes were removed until he finally saw all of my scars. I looked away in shame before Daryl turned me to face him and said...

"They're beautiful. You're beautiful," Daryl said.

We continued to kiss before we fell asleep in each other's arms. Staying together till dawn...