Weathered Love

NATHAN

Life wasn't supposed to turn out this way...

It was supposed to be better. It was supposed to be normal. That's all I ever wanted. No drama, no hurt feelings, none of the sadness... just normal, with an abundance of happiness.

You see, high school was supposed to be my fresh start. The place where I found myself. And by myself, I mean my confidence. At first, I thought I had found it. I was part of the popular crowd, my former bullies left me alone, and I made sure I didn't turn out like them: I was nice to everyone and I stood up for anyone else who was bullied. Until one of my "friends" started to bully me.

And then, I just switched groups. Popularity didn't matter much when I realized that it meant dealing with bullies on the inside but pretending to have it all on the outside. I needed real friends. And I found them.

There was Mackenzie, my outspoken, athletic, and overly-confident friend who convinced me to join sports teams with her. It didn't take much convincing since I knew I needed to lose weight and sports seemed to be the way to do it. It didn't work too well, since I only lost a pound or two, but at least I could eat like a fiend and not worry about the number on the scale moving up.

Then there was my friend Samantha, the quiet book lover, my kindred spirit in all things artistic and shy. We both loved drama class, books, and alternative rock music. Unlike her, though, I liked speaking up and giving my opinion, so she became our protegee, the one Mackenzie and I felt the need to protect at all costs.

I had other friends in our group too: Karen, my confidence booster and fellow thespian; Leah, the activist who always had a cause she was advocating for and who opened my eyes to the world outside our little suburb; and Jenna, my personal gossip column and adviser on all things fashion and make-up.

Then, there's me, Ivy. The religious, outspoken, seemingly confident, Renaissance woman with millions of insecurities that I hoped to leave behind. Alas, my problems and bullies followed me to the next phase of life when I started high school, but I was determined to redefine myself.

After all, high school was bigger than elementary school. And I realized, during that transitional summer, that my bullies just hated my ability to make friends with everyone, especially their crushes. As if good little Christian me would sleep around with their crushes to make them jealous. I've never even kissed a guy. I wasn't even allowed to look at guys.

Not that I didn't notice guys. But I figured they didn't notice me as anything more than the tomboy they confided in with their girl problems. Yeah, I was one of the guys. I loved and hated it. I loved that I at least got that attention. I hated that I was never a love interest. But I took what I could get.

"Ivy, let's go, we have track practice," Mackenzie said, interrupting my thoughts. I sighed as I closed my locker. Track uniform in hand and books put away, I followed her to the locker room. We were sophomores now, thinking we knew everything about everything, and just ready to get out into the real world. "I don't want to get extra laps, hurry up," Mackenzie urged while she waited for me to finish changing. She treated everything like a race.

Of course, she didn't really care if she got extra laps. Mackenzie was a natural runner. I, on the other hand, would try to skip as many laps as possible. If everyone else had finished their 5 or 10 laps (depending on Coach's mood that day), then I just did one more lap and pretended I wasn't that far behind... even if it was only lap #2 for me.

Mackenzie was a runner. I was a thrower. Most of my events were quite stationary, requiring more strength and technique than speed and cardio. I followed Mackenzie out of the locker room onto the track field. We were the last to arrive, but practice hadn't started yet, so thankfully, we didn't get extra laps.